Tales of the Mushroom Kingdom
by AquaRaptor
Summary: A collection of comedic stories chronicling the denizens of the Mushroom Kingdom.
1. Brigade Captain in Love

Peach had told the Captain of the Toad Brigade that he and his team could take the day off from guarding the castle, so he figured, "Hey, what better day to spend it than at the beach?"

He asked that question to his underlings in the courtyard.

"Uh, Captain..." started the Blue Toad, "Do we really need a day off so soon?"

"Of course we do," stated the Captain, as if he couldn't believe the question.

"It's only been two days since we got off the Starship Mario! Remember all the work we did in space to help Mario save Peach?"

"But the thing is, we didn't do much work at all. We spent most of the journey goofing arou-"

The Captain covered the Blue Toad's mouth with his hand. Peach had been walking by.

"Did you say goofing?" she asked.

"No, he said, uh... Roofing! We're considering becoming roofers someday! It seems like an honest job, y'know?" the Captain replied nervously.

There was an awkward silence.

"Well... Alright then..." she said as she walked away.

The Captain removed his hand.

"You know it's true..." muttered the Blue Toad as he adjusted his glasses.

"Alright, you guys might not have done much, but I helped like crazy!"

"Like how?"

"Are you kidding? There were SO many times that I pointed Mario in the direction of the star! I also found a star for him once in a treasure chest!"

"You mean the one you got stuck in and Mario had to get you out?"

"How'd you know about that?"

"Mario told pretty much everyone after you two got back..."

The Captain turned red, clearly flustered.

"Whatever, I'm going to the beach. Blue, are you in or not?"

"I'm think I'll go read a book."

"How about you, Green?"

"I'd rather watch TV. The digging championships are starting today."

"Yellow?"

"I'm gonna take a na-"

Suddenly, the Yellow Toad collapsed and fell asleep.

"You'll come, won't you Purple? You love swimming, right?"

"Oh no, that was before. I'm more of a mailtoad now, remember?"

"But..."

"Speaking of which, you have a letter!"

Purple handed him an envelope.

"Oh boy! I wonder who it's from?"

The Captain tore off the envelope and unfolded the paper. It only had one word printed on it.

"...'Goodbye?' What's that supposed to mean-"

He realized just then that the Purple Toad was gone.

"Fine then! Be like that! I'll just go by myself!"

The Yellow Toad snored.

* * *

><p>The Captain, whom we'll just call Toad from this point on, wandered across the beach.<p>

"Ah, the beach. Sun, sand and water. The others don't know what they're missing out on."

He heard a jingle from the parking lot.

"An ice cream truck!"

Toad quickly got in line behind a Bob-omb.

"I'll have one scoop of vanilla, one scoop of strawberry, and one scoop of chocolate," said the Bob-omb.

"That'll be seven coins," replied the Monty Mole that drove the truck.

"I don't have any coins..."

"You have no coins?"

"Well, duh. I have no hands. How do you expect me to carry coins around?"

"Sorry, but I only give ice cream to paying customers."

"Just give me some ice cream!"

"No!"

Unfortunately, the Bob-omb couldn't contain himself and jumped in through the window, getting past the driver and into the ice cream storage.

"HEY, GET OUT FROM BACK THERE!" screamed the Monty Mole as he picked up a cane and went after him.

Needless to say, the truck exploded seconds later.

"Ack!" went Toad as he ran away from the flaming parking lot and onto the beach.

"Well, so much for ice cream..." he mumbled.

"I wonder if there's a soda machine or something around here-"

He froze. It was then that he first saw her.

She looked... Well, she actually looked exactly like him, but her mushroom was pink with white spots, she had pink braids, and she wore a dress.

She was Toadette.

Toadette skipped across the beach, happy as can be, while Toad dreamily floated after her. As soon as he realized he was floating, he fell flat on his face.

"I have to find out who she is," he said with determination after he spat out the sand in his mouth.

"Let's see... I'll say hi to her, and she'll say hi back! Uh-huh! Then I'll ask her if she wants to get some mushroom shakes, and she'll say yes! Yeah, that's how it's gonna play out!"

Toad walked up to her.

"Hi!"

Toadette turned to face him.

"Hey," she responded.

_"Oh no! She was supposed to say hi, not hey! This isn't going according to plan!"_

"Uh..." Toad began to stammer.

"Yes?"

_"Okay, I can still pull this off! I just have to ask her if she wants to get a mushroom shake!"_

"You wanna go shake some mushrooms?" he blurted.

"Shake some mushrooms?" she asked, looking back at the drink shack behind her.

"Oh, you mean mushroom shakes! Sure, let's go-"

By the time she looked forward again, he was gone.

"Where'd he go?"

Toad was hiding behind a palm tree.

"Okay, Plan B! Call for help!"

He dialed a number on his cell phone and waited for an answer.

"Hello?"

"Luigi! I need some advice on how to get a girl!"

"You should try rescuing her from a castle. It works every time."

"But she's not stuck in a castle, she's at the beach."

"Oh... Well, I don't have any other ideas."

"I guess that would explain why he still doesn't have a girlfriend..." Toad said to himself.

"Hey! I heard tha-"

Toad hung up on him.

"Okay, Plan C! Think of a Plan D!"

_11 seconds of thinking later..._

"I've got it! I'll compliment her beauty!"

He jumped out from behind the tree and ran up to Toadette.

"Hey, where'd you go?" she asked, confused.

"Your pretty are very braids!" Toad exclaimed, stumbling on his own words.

"Huh?"

"Your diamonds are like eyes!"

"Um..."

"...Your clothes! They're very, very-"

"You want to get some mushroom shakes?" Toadette asked, cutting him off.

"Sure!"

And with that, they walked towards the drink shack together.

"So what's your name?" Toad asked.

"It's Toadette. What's yours?"

"It's Toad."

"Cool name," she said with a smile.

_"I've still got it!" _Toad gloated internally.


	2. Rosalina Baseball

Peach sat in a chair in her living room, reading a letter. Daisy walked in.

"Hey Peach, did Rosie respond to your invitation?" asked Daisy.

"Yes, I just got a letter back from her! Want to hear what she wrote?"

"You know it!"

Peach read it aloud,

_Dear Peach,_

_I have gotten your invitation to this "group event" that Daisy's hosting. Though you didn't mention what this event is, the last one you invited me to- the kart tournament- was quite enjoyable. Therefore, I'd be happy to participate in this one too. I'll be arriving at your castle shortly to get more details._

_P.S. Would you mind sharing how your invite was able to reach me when I'm in outer space?_

_Sincerely, Rosalina._

Daisy was excited.

"Great! So she'll be here in just a bit then!"

"That's right!"

_Just a bit later..._

The doorbell rang. Peach answered it, and surely enough, it was Rosalina. Peach gladly welcomed her to have a seat in the living room. Daisy sat with them.

"It's good to see you two again," Rosalina said softly.

"It's good to see you too, Rosie. So, are you ready for the tournament I'm hosting?" Daisy asked with enthusiasm.

Rosalina smiled very lightly.

"I am. But what is it for?"

"It's a baseball tournament," Peach said with a large grin.

Rosalina turned slightly blue in the face.

"Baseball...?"

"Yeah, is there a problem with that?" asked Daisy, suddenly seeming a bit concerned.

"Well, there is a bit of a problem, actually..." she started, looking aside.

"You see, you need to run in baseball, and I haven't had to run in hundreds of years. I'm always either walking or floating..."

"Oh, I didn't think about that. What should we do?" Peach asked Daisy.

"Don't worry, this'll be easy. We'll just have to whip you back into shape!"

"But I'm not out of shape..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, it was just an expression. Come on, let's go outside!"

Both Peach and Daisy ran out the door while Rosalina floated after them.

* * *

><p>The three of them were standing in Peach's personal baseball field, which was a short distance away from her personal tennis court and straight across from her personal golf course.<p>

"Alright, first you need to change into these," said Daisy, handing her some clothes that were various shades of teal.

"How'd you know these are my preferred colors?"

"Just a hunch."

Rosalina went into the outhouse to change. Peach and Daisy waited, and soon enough she came out in shorts, a t-shirt and tennis shoes.

"So how do you feel?" asked Daisy.

"Perhaps these shorts are a bit too... revealing?" she said, blushing slightly as she pulled her shirt down.

"HA! If you think that's revealing, you should've seen what we wore in the soccer tourname-"

"Don't go there!" Peach jumped in. "Relax Rosalina, you look fine."

"Okay, now we have to get you running. Go to the other side of the field, and no floating," said Daisy as she pointed.

In a swift motion, Rosalina started running across the field, almost olympic style.

"Whoa, that's pretty good!" exclaimed Peach in astonishment.

"Yeah, not bad. This was easier than I thought it would be... Hey, wait a minute!"

"What's wrong, Daisy?"

"Her feet aren't touching the ground! I said no floating, Rosie!"

_"Drat, I didn't think she'd notice..." _Rosalina thought.

Her facade having failed, she planted her feet on the ground. With a slight hint of nervousness, she took a step forward.

"That's good! Now go faster!" Daisy shouted.

Rosalina did just that, but as she told Peach and Daisy before, it had been literally centuries since she had last ran, and so she started to tire out very quickly. By the time she reached the end of the field, she was on her knees and panting.

"That was a great run, Rosie!" Daisy assured her.

"It was?" Rosalina asked hopefully as she floated back to her.

"Yeah, you just need to work on your stamina is all. The important thing is that you haven't forgotten _how_ to run."

"Well, of course not. How could anyone forget how to run?"

_At Bowser's Castle..._

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU FORGOT HOW TO RUN?" Bowser snarled at Lemmy, who merely shrugged.

"I dunno. I guess it's because I'm always standing on this ball."

"Great, just great! How are we going to beat Mario's team in the baseball tournament if you can't run?" Bowser groaned as he put a hand to his face.

"Why are we playing baseball with them, anyway? Aren't those Mario guys our enemies?"

"Yes, they are... But you see, Lemmy, over the years, Mario has managed to foil every one of my schemes to take over the Mushroom Kingdom. I can never seem to beat him at that. So occasionally, I'll enter competitions with him so I can at least have the satisfaction of beating him in sports."

"But doesn't he always beat you at those too?"

Bowser growled very loudly.

_Back at the baseball field..._

Rosalina was standing at home plate, holding a bat. Daisy stood across from her, holding a baseball.

"Now we need to make sure you can play! Think fast!"

Daisy pitched the ball. Rosalina swung her bat and successfully hit it, sending it past second base. Peach got the ball and tossed it back to Daisy.

"Good, you can bat. Now let's see how you do outfield."

Rosalina and Daisy switched places.

"Pitch me the ball!"

Rosalina pitched the ball, and Daisy hit it as hard as she could, sending it speeding towards Rosalina. Reflexively, she blocked it with a forcefield.

"No, you've got to catch it, Rosie! Don't use force fields!"

They did the same thing again, only this time Rosalina managed to catch it.

"Great! You're set!"

"I am?"

"Yeah! We just have to work on your stamina now."

"I have an idea!" Peach said, raising her finger.

_Inside..._

"This is my exercise room. You can use the treadmill to practice your running."

"Is that thing safe?" Rosalina asked, uncertain.

"Sure it is! Here, I'll show you!" said Daisy as she stepped on the treadmill and set it to max speed. She immediately tripped on her dress and was thrown across the room.

"Are you okay?" exclaimed Peach, covering her mouth in shock. Daisy lifted her head from the floor, revealing her dazed expression.

"Maybe I should change my clothes first..." she uttered before letting her face hit the floor again.

After Peach and Daisy changed into their own sports outfits, Daisy demonstrated how to use the treadmill. Peach did the same after.

When it was Rosalina's turn, she reluctantly stepped on. Peach set it to the lowest speed, which meant Rosalina could simply walk to keep up.

"Welp, have fun training, Rosie. We'll be back to check up on you later," said Daisy as she pushed Peach towards the doorway.

"You're not going to stay and make sure I do this?"

"Of course not. I trust you'll turn the speed up when you're ready. Bye-bye!"

Daisy shut the door.

"They really have faith in me..." Rosalina said to herself.

Taking a deep breath, she reached for the control panel and turned the speed up two levels, forcing her to speed walk. Still, she needed to put in more effort.

She turned the speed up three more levels, which meant she had to jog.

In minutes, Rosalina's breathing grew heavy and her heart rate increased. But she couldn't give up yet. Clearing her throat, she turned the speed up again...

* * *

><p>Daisy opened the door and started to walk in.<p>

"Hey Rosie, how's it going in... here..."

Daisy almost couldn't believe what she saw. Rosalina was running the treadmill... at maximum speed!

"I did it! I made it to the maximum spee-"

Suddenly, she lost her footing and was thrown off the treadmill. Fortunately, she managed to break her fall by floating.

"That's amazing! I knew you could do it!"

Peach walked in.

"She did it?"

"She did it!"

"I did it!"

Then, without warning, Rosalina fell on her posterior.

"I just realized how tired I am..." she said with a sigh.

"You're sweating a lot, too. Let's rap up today's training session with one last lesson."

_In the shower room..._

"After every game, it's time to hit the showers."

Rosalina held up her bat and prepared to hit the nozzle with it.

"Not what I meant by hit the showers!" Daisy shouted, stopping her. "I mean just _take_ a shower."

"Oh, I see."

There was a pause. Daisy shifted her eyes back and forth before she figured what Rosalina must've been thinking.

"...I'm not demonstrating this one," Daisy stated dryly, lowering her eyelids.

"No, it's not that. It's just that you're still in here, and..."

"Oh, right," Daisy chuckled, slapping her forehead. "I'll just give you some privacy then."

She walked out the doorway.

"Thanks. And one more thing..."

"Yeah?"

"You're a great coach."

Daisy simply smiled at her before closing the door.

* * *

><p>Three days later, Team Mario won their game against Team Bowser in a close match. The members of the victorious team cheered as they gathered around the MVP...<p>

...Mario!

What, did you think it would be Rosalina? Sure, she went through some training, but there's no outplaying the everyman himself!

She did still contribute a lot to the team, though. Mario of all people didn't think she'd join in on the fun.

"ARRRGH! I lost to Mario AGAIN!" Bowser roared in the middle of the field.

"You'd think he'd be used to it by now," Ludwig whispered to Larry.

"You've got something to say, Ludwig?"

"No, nothing!"

* * *

><p>The next day, Rosalina bid farewell to the other princesses in front of the castle.<p>

"Thanks for everything, ladies. I had a wonderful time, but now I need to get back to the cosmos."

"Thank you for coming, Rosalina," Peach said, hugging her.

"Yeah, we appreciate it. Remember, you better show up again next time we have a sports tournament!"

"I will," Rosalina said with a chuckle as she levitated to the Comet Observatory above.

"Don't forget, I'll be watching you two from the stars!"

Those were her last words before the Observatory rocketed off.

"I just hope she minds what she's watching..." Daisy muttered. Peach punched her in the arm.

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	3. The Mansion Pianist

Professor E. Gadd stood before his Ghost Portrificationizer, holding a portrait in his hand. The machine had been set in reverse.

"Are you sure you want to go through with this?" asked E. Gadd, looking more than just a bit worried. Luigi tilted his head slightly.

"What's the matter? Didn't you say you rigged the machine so the painting would stay?"

"Yes, but I don't think she'll be very happy once she's free..."

"She might not be, but I'm sure we can get through to her."

E. Gadd didn't say anything in response, merely raising an eyebrow.

"How else are we going to test your new invention? Besides, I feel kind of bad about them being stuck in those portraits."

"Very well, but only this one portrait," E. Gadd sighed.

He placed the portrait on the end of the machine and stood back. First it was pressed, removing the spirit from the frame. The spirit was then electrocuted, matted down and put in the washing machine. Finally, it was ejected from where the Portificationizer began.

Luigi and E. Gadd looked at the ghost in the velvet dress lying before them. The professor was the first to speak.

"...Melody Pianissima?"

The ghost started to move slightly.

"Uh... Who said that?" she asked in a soft, echoing voice.

"Wait... I know this place!"

She suddenly looked up. The first thing she saw was Luigi waving with an awkward smile on his face.

"YOU!"

Without warning, she summoned a flock of music sheets. Flapping their pages like birds, they immediately turned their attention to Luigi.

"EEEEEYYYYAAAAAH!" Luigi screamed. He ran away, and the music sheets pursued. As they chased him back and forth in the room, E. Gadd tried negotiating with Melody.

"Listen! We're going to do something for you!"

"Excuse me? Aren't you the one who put me in that awful portrait to begin with?"

"Yes, but I set you free, didn't I?"

Melody said nothing, but she was still visibly angry.

"We're going to give you back something, something you lost long ago!"

"And what might that be?" she hissed.

"Your life!"

Melody's expression changed to that of surprise. She snapped her fingers and the music sheets disappeared, right when they had cornered Luigi. He sighed in relief.

"...Explain."

* * *

><p>The three of them were in front of a large device, one that had a vague resemblance to a time machine.<p>

"This is my latest and perhaps greatest invention, the Resurrectionator. It can turn ghosts back to humans."

"So... I can be human again?" asked Melody, smiling.

"In theory, yes."

"In theory?"

"You see, this thing hasn't been tested yet. So I want you to be the first to try it out."

Melody stared at him for a few moments.

"So... what happens if it doesn't work?"

"If it doesn't work, then that's just that. You'll be free to go, I suppose. I still have your picture on my portrait."

"Well, I guess I have nothing to lose."

Melody floated into the machine's chamber. E. Gadd turned it on and it started to function, making a whistling sound. The chamber's small window glowed brightly.

The Resurrectionator then made a deafening screech before winding down. After uncovering his ears, Luigi opened the chamber and pulled out an apparently unconscious Melody. Her skin was no longer blue; it was now flesh colored, and her legs dragged as Luigi hauled her to a chair.

She was alive again.

"It worked... IT WORKED!" E. Gadd hollered triumphantly.

"The Resurrectionator works! I can actually bring people back to life! This is absolutely mind blowing! Just think of all the possibilities there are, now that I've invented something that can bring back the-"

Before he could finish speaking, the Resurrectionator violently exploded. E. Gadd's jaw dropped.

"Yikes... Good thing I pulled her out of that thing, or she would've been a ghost all over again," Luigi commented. E. Gadd didn't respond.

"E. Gadd?"

Luigi walked up to him. E. Gadd simply stood in place with the same, dumbfounded expression. Luigi waved his hand in front of his face, but still no reaction.

Giving up, Luigi walked back to Melody. She slowly opened her eyes.

"D-Did it work?" Her voice had lost its echo, but was otherwise the same.

Melody looked at her hands and wiggled her fingers. Flesh and blood. Smiling, she put her hand to her chest. There was a heartbeat. She looked down. She had legs.

"I have legs!"

She stood up, but ended up stumbling.

"Whoa, it's been a while since I've walked..." she said, though she managed to regain her balance pretty fast. And when she did...

"I'm alive!" Melody cheered, skipping around the room.

"Good to see you're happy," said Luigi.

"I can breathe again! I'm going outside to get some fresh air!" Melody hurried towards the end of the room...

...Only to run smack into the wall.

"Are you okay?" Luigi asked, approaching her.

"I forgot, I can't pass through walls anymore..." she groaned, rubbing her forehead.

Luigi offered his hand so he could help her up, but she turned her shoulder to him.

"I still don't trust you, ragamuffin! I was minding my own business in that mansion until you came along and sucked me up!"

"Minding your own business? You sent your music sheets to attack me! Right after you said I had a good ear for music, too!"

"I was just having fun..." she muttered, looking away in embarrassment. "If I hadn't done that, would you have left me be?"

Luigi bit his lip. He knew he'd be lying if he said yes.

"Yeah, exactly."

"Well... it worked out in the end, though, didn't it? If I hadn't sucked you up back then, you probably wouldn't have been brought back to life."

"True..." she admitted. "But I think the professor's to thank for that," she continued, indicating at E. Gadd who was still frozen in the same position as before.

"He didn't want to do it, though. It was my idea."

Melody paused and looked at him.

"But of all the ghosts, why me?"

"Because I thought you were the most interesting of them. Your piano playing was really good. Listening to it was probably the nicest part of having to walk around that spooky mansion."

Melody smiled and stared at the floor.

"You know, that's the nicest thing anyone's said to me since I died."

Luigi held out his hand again, and this time she took it. He pulled her to her feet.

"What do you say we go outside?" he asked.

"Let's go," said Melody. She turned around and walked into the wall again.

* * *

><p>Sometime later, Luigi was inside his mansion, waiting by the bathroom. Soon, the door opened and Melody walked out.<p>

"You know, I'd forgotten how good it feels to pee," Melody giggled.

"Melody, way too much info..." Luigi muttered.

"Sorry."

"So, how did you die anyway?"

Melody whispered in his ear.

"Oh, that's not pretty."

"Yes, and hopefully I won't make the same mistake again. By the way, ragamuffin, I couldn't help but notice that this mansion's interior is very similar to that of the old one's. Is it a replica?"

"E. Gadd built this one for me and he modeled it after the old mansion, so yes. And I told you, my name is Lui-"

Melody had already started running down the halls.

"Hey, where are you going?" Luigi called, though deep down he already knew.

_In the music room..._

Melody was sitting at the piano.

"Yes! Music, my old friend!"

Luigi walked in.

"Again with the piano?"

"Yes! I'm the Spectral Beauty of the Ivory Keys, if you may recall."

"But you're not exactly spectral anymore..."

"In that case, I shall be known simply as the Beauty of the Ivory Keys. Now, if you don't mind..."

She started to play the Super Mario theme.

"I love that tune!" Luigi said as he tapped his foot.

Glancing at him, Melody smiled devilishly and switched to the scary tune she played when she first attacked Luigi. The poor plumber nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Calm down. I can't summon sheets anymore, remember?" she chuckled.

After settling down, Luigi sighed and shook his head.

"Relax, ragamuffin, it was just a joke."

"Why do you keep calling me ragamuffin?"

"'Cause that's what you are," she said as she started to play the Bob-omb Battlefield theme.

It was then that Luigi got his own idea. He picked up a nearby saxophone and blew into it as hard as he could. The obnoxious sound quite literally made Melody fall out of her seat. Lying on the floor, she turned her attention to the laughing Luigi.

"Haha, very funny. So are we even now?"

"Of course," Luigi grinned.

"Say," Melody started, "do you have any video games here?"

"Sure. Why?"

_A long time later._

Melody held up her controller.

"I win again!" she bragged.

"Can we stop now?" Luigi groaned. "You've beaten me 17 times in a row."

"Oh, alright. I should probably be playing that piano while I still have the chance, anyhow."

"What do you mean? You'll have plenty of chances to play it since you'll be living here."

"Hold on, I can stay here?" she said, a look of curiosity crossing her face.

"Yeah, you can. Where else would you go?"

"Gee, thanks ragamuff- er, Luigi!" she said, scratching the back of her head. Luigi smiled.

"Can I ask you a question first, though?"

"What might that be?" she asked.

"Is it a coincidence that your last name is Pianissima?"

"It isn't, actually. I changed it to Pianissima to honor my love of piano. I also did it because I hated my original surname."

"What was it?"

"Saxophonia."


	4. A Goomba's Life

One quiet morning, a goomba was strolling in a park with his "friend", a koopa. The goomba had an exasperated look on his face.

"You know, Karl, a goomba's life ain't an easy one."

"That's interesting, Goomboris," said Karl, though in his mind he was saying, "_Oh brother, not again..._"

"I always feel like it's me against the world, and the world is always two steps ahead. I entered a kart race once... And fortune was not on my side."

"Please, do elaborate," Karl said with open sarcasm, knowing Goomboris wouldn't detect it.

"I remember it like it was yesterday..."

* * *

><p><em>The day before yesterday...<em>

Goomboris was in his kart, stationed right behind the starting line. He was revving up the engine as the race was about to start.

A toad was standing in the middle of the road, holding a flag.

"Ready..."

"Set..."

He waved his flag.

"Go!"

The racers took off at mach speed, running over the toad in the process. Goomboris managed to take the lead.

"Yes! I've got this in the bag!"

Goomboris looked ahead and saw a 90 degree turn coming. Unfazed, he prepared to spin the steering wheel to drift.

...But then he remembered he didn't have hands to steer with and so he crashed into the wall.

* * *

><p>"I guess that explains why everyone was surprised to see me enter," Goomboris sighed.<p>

"Goomboris..."

"Hold on, Karl, I'm not finished. There was also that other time...

* * *

><p><em>That other time...<em>

Goomboris was running down a soccer field, straining to get the ball to the opposing team's goal. Unfortunately, he was intercepted and lost the ball to a hammer brother, who proceeded to kick it very far. A second hammer brother jumped up and head butted it towards the goal. The kritter goalie leapt to catch it, but he was too slow and the ball passed him.

Before anyone could speak, the timer went off.

"Game over! Team Hammer Brother wins by just one goal!"

The Hammer Bros. cheered while the Toads- and Goomboris- shook their heads.

"You can't be serious!" yelled the kritter. He picked up the ball and threw it at Goomboris, knocking the poor goomba to the ground. When he got to his feet again, he was mad.

"You got a problem, punk?"

"Yeah! You're my problem! It's YOUR fault we lost this friggen' game!"

"It's not about whether you win or lose, it's how you play!"

"And you play like a blooper with its tentacles chopped off! How's that for how you play?""

A toad, the team captain to be precise, stepped in.

"Come on you two, settle down. It's just a game. We'll win the next one-"

Acting without thinking, Goomboris kicked the ball as hard as he could. It hit the kritter square in the face.

"THAT DOES IT!"

The kritter charged after Goomboris, who ran away screaming. The chase continued around the field until it eventually left the stadium.

"YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY FROM ME!"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Goomboris ran, ran like he had never run before, until he reached a pianta selling fruit...

"What's the rush, little guy? Don't you want to stop for some tasty fruit?"

Goomboris simply passed under the fruit table. The kritter, unable to stop running, crashed into it, knocking all the fruit everywhere.

"Nice going, buddy!"

The pianta grabbed the kritter and chucked him through the air. Unfortunately, Donkey Kong had been walking nearby and he landed on him. The ape went into a rage and punched the kritter so hard he went flying across the street into a pound. The sounds of angry chain chomps could be heard.

* * *

><p>"Lesson learned. Never get into a fight with a kritter."<p>

"Goomboris..."

"Hang on, Karl, I've got one more."

* * *

><p><em>Sometime ago...<em>

Goomboris had invited over his friend, another goomba. Smiling, Goomboris showed him a tape titled "Goombas Gone Wild", and-

* * *

><p>"GOOMBORIS!" Karl yelled loudly enough to interrupt Goomboris's flashback.<p>

"What?"

"Your life isn't that hard!"

"What do you mean?"

"Every time I see you, you yammer on and on about how bad your life supposedly is. Well, guess what? Koopas have it worse!"

"How?"

"It's our shells! They make life so horrible! Did you know that when a koopa shell starts sliding, it never stops on its own?"

"Uh..."

"Once, I was sleeping inside my shell, until some jerk kicked me into an alley. I bounced between the buildings for _days _until someone finally bailed me out! And don't even ask what I ate!"

"You were sleeping outside?"

"And that other time when I kicked an empty koopa shell into the distance... Only for it to hit me from behind 80 days later!"

"But why were you in the same spot for 80 days?"

"And let's not forget all the times I've been stuck on my back. I slipped on a banana peel, and I couldn't get up!"

"Karl...

"Some big guy in a hurry knocked me down, and I couldn't get up!"

"Karl..."

"I woke up in bed one morning... and I couldn't get up!"

"Karl!"

"WHAT?"

"If your shell is such a pain, why not take it off?"

There was a pause.

"Hey, good idea!"

Karl took off his shell, leaving him in an undershirt and boxers.

"I'm free!" he cheered, skipping away.

"Yeesh. Some people are blinded by their own negativity," Goomboris laughed, shaking his head.


	5. The Locker Room

**If you aren't familiar with the Mario Golf: Advance Tour characters, look them up on the Super Mario Wiki.**

**Also, I'd like to respond to one of the reviews here since it wasn't signed. First off, there's no evidence the blue toad from the Galaxy games is Toadbert from Partners in Time. I know they both wear glasses and are blue, but if you compare them, you'll see that their designs are actually very different from each other. Toadbert's mushroom is blue with white spots while the blue toad's is white with blue spots, and their clothes and glasses are different. Second, it's never been directly stated that Luigi and Daisy are a couple; only hinted at. But regardless, I'm taking some liberties with this fic and their relationship will be explored later on.**

**Now that that's out of the way, on with the story!**

It was sunset at the Marion Clubhouse. Since nobody likes to golf in the dark, everyone was either in their cabins or hanging around the clubhouse.

Ella and Helen were among those in the clubhouse. Without exchanging a word or even a glance, they both walked into the girls' locker room, shed their clothes, and went into adjacent showers. For a few moments, only the sound of water hitting the tiles could be heard. Finally, Ella spoke.

"So, what's been going on with you?"

"Not much. Buzz is about as lazy as ever."

"Same with Neil. He still hasn't cleaned that muddy old golf bag since he got here."

"Does he dose off all the time like Buzz?"

"No, but he always acts before thinking. And he's such a perv!"

"Really?"

"Yeah. I caught him looking in my drawer once. I asked him what he was doing and he closed it in a hurry. I'm pretty sure he just wanted to see my underwear."

Helen snickered.

"That's actually pretty funny. You should look in his drawer and see how he likes it."

"Tried that. Moment I opened it, I was buried under an avalanche of clothes. I also got a pair of boxers in my face, which was a bit more than I bargained for..."

"Hey, at least they weren't tightey-whities."

They both laughed.

"But... He's not all bad. He's energetic and never gives up. Buzz has some good qualities too, right?"

"...Nah, I'm pretty sure Buzz is all bad."

They laughed again.

"But seriously, Buzz is okay. I wish he'd stop commenting on my red eyes, though."

"Well, they are kind of creepy..."

Helen sighed. Ella giggled, but stopped when she heard footsteps. The shower next to her's opened and closed before the water started.

"Mind if I ask who's there?"

"It's me, Grace."

"Ah, the Queen of the Golf Course... You're just in time to join our convo", Helen said, grinning.

"We were talking about what it's like doubling with boys. How's your guy?"

"I don't have one, Ella. My doubles partner is a girl, remember?"

"Oh yeah, that's right. You have Sherry..."

"Azalea has a guy for a partner," Helen pointed out.

As if on cue, someone walked in and the shower next to Helen's opened.

"Who's there?" asked Ella.

"Azalea", she responded.

"Speak of the devil!" Helen cheered triumphantly.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing."

Ella laughed a little.

"Here, let me explain..."

_One explanation later..._

"So you're all talking about your guy partners?" asked Azalea.

"Yeah," Ella affirmed.

"Except me," said Grace.

"Well, Tiny's a pretty good partner, in my opinion. I hate how he always needs an excuse for losing, though. Back when I beat him, he told me he had twisted his colon."

"Gah, the twisted colon. Hate it when that happens," Helen joked.

"Did he really say that?" asked Grace.

"No, not really. He actually said he sprained his nipple."

"Erm, that's not too far behind..." muttered Helen.

Ella giggled again.

"Our partners definitely have their faults," started Ella, "but through and through, I think they make good golfers and, most importantly, great friends."

"Unless they forget to knock before crossing through your room," said Helen.

They all laughed at that; even Grace, who didn't know what it was like to have a male partner.

"But yeah, Buzz is okay. Not always the brightest bulb in the bunch, but he's still a good person. Same with Neil, right?"

"Yeah. Neil can be a bit of a knucklehead sometimes too, but deep down, I know he's a smart and upright guy."

Once again, the sound of footsteps filled the room. The shower next to Azalea's opened.

"Welcome to the girls' locker room! You're just in time to join our social hour!" chanted Helen.

"Wait... This is the _girls' _locker room? Aw crap, not again!"

The newcomer suddenly ran out of the room. There was an awkward silence. Azalea coughed.

"...That was Neil, wasn't it?" asked Helen.

"You betcha," Ella said with a facepalm.


	6. Bowser's Ingenious Plan

Kamek was walking down a hallway in Bowser's Castle, one that led to the throne room of the Koopa King himself. Bowser was sitting there, anticipating the magikoopa's arrival.

"You wanted to see me, King Bowser?"

"Do you have any spells that let me watch past events? Like on a TV?"

"I do."

"I want you to show me all the times Mario beat me."

Kamek was surprised.

"Huh? You want to see the times Mario has beaten you?"

"You heard me. I need to know why I lost all those battles. Now chop-chop!"

Kamek raised his finger to say something, but dropped it and simply waved his wand. A circular portal appeared in front of Bowser and showed him all of his past downfalls, starting from when he first kidnapped Peach and ending with when he caused the Tail Tree to lose its leaves.

"Well?" asked Kamek.

"...I still don't get why all those plans went wrong. Maybe I should've been larger?"

Kamek raised his hand to facepalm, but stopped halfway because he didn't want to disrespect his lord. Bowser still picked up on it, though.

"Do _you _have any bright ideas?" Bowser asked, narrowing his eyes.

"I don't mean any disrespect, but all those losses were your fault..."

"MY FAULT?"

Despite his hat having been blown off, Kamek stood firm.

"There have been several instances where you've left a switch at the end of a bridge, one that activates the destruction of said bridge, and it's this said bridge that you happen to be standing on..."

"I put that switch there to lure him under me so I could squash him! Duh!"

"But if you were to simply get rid of the switch altogether, Mario would have a harder time defeating you. Or better yet, you could've pressed it yourself when he showed up."

There was an awkward pause.

"...Okay, so maybe I had a bit of a brain freeze on that one, but my other plans-"

"Your other plans were just as flawed. If you hadn't been so bent on ground-pounding Mario, he wouldn't have been able to trick you into crashing through the floor. If you hadn't kept throwing those mecha-koopas, he wouldn't been able to throw them back at you. If you didn't put those mines where you did, Mario would have had nothing to throw you at. If you hadn't sent those meteorites, he wouldn't have had anything to knock into you."

Bowser was silent.

"It's the same issue with these 'bosses' you keep hiring. They just keep on doing one little thing that Mario can exploit, when all they have to do is stop doing that one little thing to become unbeatable."

"I've got it! I've got the perfect plan!" Bowser cheered. He jumped out of his throne and ran down the hall, flattening Kamek in the process.

_One kidnapping-of-a-princess-who-seriously-needs-to-take-security-measures later..._

"You won't get away with this Bowser! Mario will come and rescue me!" Peach yelped from inside her cage.

"That's the idea," Bowser grinned.

"I've got a full-proof plan that'll destroy that plumber! I cannot lose!"

Bowser walked further down the room. Seconds later, Mario appeared.

"Well, if it isn't Mario! I'm sure you've noticed I didn't make you go through eight worlds like I normally do! That's because I've got a new plan!"

Mario looked at him, confused.

"I've taken a look at my past failures and realized why I keep losing to you. It's because I always use some attack that you manage to use against me. But this time, I'm not going to let that happen, and here's how..."

Mario braced himself, preparing for the worst.

"I simply won't attack at all! Good luck using my attacks against me now!"

And so Bowser merely stood there, a triumphant grin on his face. Mario scratched his head and shrugged before walking past Bowser.

"No way you can beat me!" Bowser sneered, still grinning.

Mario came back the other way with the princess and they both left the castle.

"Yup! Not attacking!" Bowser nodded.

_Half and hour later..._

"HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!"


	7. Night of the Shrooboid

**This one is something of a follow up to chapter 3, "The Mansion Pianist". If you haven't read it yet, please do so. Otherwise, a few things that happen in this chapter won't make sense.**

It was a cloudy, windy night at Luigi's Mansion. While Melody was kicking Luigi's butt at _Larry Koopa: Zombie Heartbreaker _for Nintendo Wii, Professor E. Gadd was in his lab enjoying some pickled dandelions with barnacles in a diesel marinade(don't ask...). Having returned from therapy that morning after the horrible loss of his Resurrectionator Machine, he was in a pretty good mood.

Finishing his meal with a smile, E. Gadd decided to do a quick check-up on all his experiments.

He started with the machine he stored the Boos in. All fifty of them were there. Splendid. He proceeded to his tank of cheep-cheeps. The fish formula he created was making them grow wonderfully. Very good. He moved on to the fluid tube he stored the shrooboid it. It had been completely destroyed. Marvelous. He stepped over to-

Wait, what?

E. Gadd spun around and realized that the glass had been broken and there was no sign of the creature!

His jaw hit the floor.

* * *

><p>"Can we stop now?" pleaded Luigi.<p>

"Alright, alright. I have other business to attend to, anyhow," said Melody.

"Let me guess: the piano?"

"No. I'm going to shower."

Right when Melody left the room, Luigi's Game Boy Horror went off.

_Bip bip bip... bip bip bip... bip bip, bip bip bip bip, bip bip bip..._

He answered it. E. Gadd appeared on the screen, and he looked very frantic.

"Luigi, do you remember when you and Mario traveled through time?"

"Yeah."

"You know the alien creature that came through the time machine in Peach's Castle?"

"I do. Didn't you put it in a glass container after Mario knocked it out?"

"Yes, well, after the shroobs were defeated, I brought the creature back to my lab to conduct further research. However, to keep it contained, I had to sedate it on a regular basis. Unfortunately, the sedatives wore off while I was at therapy, so the creature was able to escape."

"You're telling me there's a vicious alien on the loose around here?"

"That's not all. It left a huge mess in my lab, too."

"What do we do?"

"Come to the lab. I prepared something in case of such an emergency."

Luigi hurried to the lab. Along the way, he was extra careful to watch out for anything lurking in the woods.

"Luigi, I need you to shoot the creature with this."

E. Gadd handed him what resembled a popgun.

"It may not look like much, but it contains a tranquilizer that'll put that monster under."

The two of them went back outside, but Luigi headed back to the mansion, much to E. Gadd's confusion.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to warn Melody about this."

"Don't worry about her. As long as your doors are shut, she should be perfectly saf-"

**CRASH!**

Luigi and E. Gadd turned and saw that the mansion's front doors had been smashed through.

"...Uh-oh," Luigi muttered.

* * *

><p>Melody was humming one of her piano tunes in the shower when she heard a loud knock on the door.<p>

"What is it, ragamuffin? I'm busy right now."

There was another knock.

"Can't you talk?"

Again, nothing but a knock.

"Oh, for goodness sake!"

Melody got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around herself and opened the door.

"Listen, ragamuffin, if this is because you ate that dandelion-barnacle stuff again, you should've learned your lesson from the last ti-"

The shrooboid growled at her.

"..."

Melody slammed the door. The shrooboid roared and tackled it, leaving a huge crack.

"Hey, hold on a minute! I'd like to get some clothes on first!"

The shrooboid tapped his foot impatiently while Melody got dressed.

"Okay, I'm decent."

The shrooboid broke through the door. Melody screamed in terror.

"That was Melody!" Luigi panicked, running down the hallway. E. Gadd struggled to keep up with him, until the plumber came to a sudden stop.

"There's something coming..."

"LUUUIIIIGIIII!"

Melody came sprinting out of the darkness and crashed right into him, sending them both toppling to the ground.

"There's an awful monster in the mansion! Do something! I don't want to be a ghost again!"

"Melody, calm down. E. Gadd and I are going to take care of it."

"Good," Melody said as she got to her feet, regaining her composure. E. Gadd stepped forward.

"Listen everyone, this will be no easy task. It's very dark in these halls, and the alien will surely use that to his advantage, so we've got to stay on our toes-"

The hallway lit up.

"Or we could just turn the lights on..." Melody snarked, her finger on the light switch.

"Bah, I tend to forget that this isn't the haunted mansion. With this much light, hunting down that alien will be a cinch-"

A lighting bolt struck and the power immediately went out.

"NOOOOOOO!"

"Don't worry, Professor. I'll just do what I did when the haunted mansion lost power and use the backup generator."

"There is no backup generator!"

"Wha-? I thought you said this mansion was an exact replica?"

"_Almost _an exact replica. I didn't put in a backup generator because those aren't easy to make. I meant to do it later, but all these other things came up..."

Melody wasn't amused.

"So let me get this straight... You, the man who made the machine that brought me back from the _dead, _have trouble making generators?"

"My inventions are extraordinary, so extraordinary that I find it difficult to build more menial things. I'm just a niche scientist."

Just then, the shrooboid came charging out of the darkness. Luigi freaked out and threw the popgun at it. The shrooboid swallowed it whole and collapsed within moments.

"...That's not how I intended for you to use the popgun, but mission accomplished! I'm taking the alien back to the lab where it belongs."

As E. Gadd dragged the alien away, the power came back on.

"So what do you want to do now?" asked Luigi.

"I think I'm going to call it a day."

Luigi went to the master bedroom while Melody went to her room just across the hall(converted from the nursery). They crawled into their beds and went to sleep.

In the lab, E. Gadd was locking the shrooboid away in an electric cage. The shrooboid awake and glared at him.

"These bars are made of solid electricity. This ensures you won't escape again."

A bolt of lightning struck and the power went out again. The electric bars disappeared and the shrooboid roared with anger.

"...Oh, forget it."

E. Gadd took out a water gun and sprayed the shrooboid with babies' tears. It fell to the floor and died.

"The first test run of the Baby-Tear-Gun 3000 is a success."

**This particular group of characters is just so much fun to write for, so expect another installment of the "Luigi Series" in the future. I won't let them take over the whole fic, though.**

**I'd also like to take this moment to express my resentment over FF not allowing double punctuation anymore, meaning you can't use more than one exclamation/question mark together. If you do, every mark other than the first one will vanish after you save the document. I find this very irritating because, at a lot of points in this chapter, one of the characters was supposed to be asking a question and shouting at the same time. But now I can't convey that very well. Times like this really make me wonder if FF thinks their changes through... It could be a glitch, but I'm pessimistic.**


	8. Girls' Night Out

**Here's another one featuring Peach and Daisy. No Rosalina, though.**

It was a quiet, sunny afternoon at the golf course. There wasn't much to hear other than birds chirping, a gentle breeze blowing, and the drone of a golf cart. The passengers of said golf cart were Peach and Daisy.

"Isn't golfing relaxing?" Peach asked.

"It sure is," said Daisy, "But..."

"But what?"

"We always either play golf or have tea at our get-togethers. It's not that I don't like doing these things, it's just that I want to try something different for a change."

"What do you have in mind?"

"Let's have a girls' night out!"

"A girls' night out?"

* * *

><p><em>Back at Peach's Castle...<em>

"We begin once the sun goes down," said Daisy.

"How long from now is that gonna be?" asked Peach.

Daisy glanced at her watch.

"Eight hours. We have some time to kill."

"...Wanna have some tea?"

The two princesses went to have tea, but that only lasted half an hour.

"What else is there to do around here?"

"Um, I have an aquarium."

The school of angelfish swam back and forth in the tank as Daisy's eyes followed them.

"I'm going to get tired of this very quickly," Daisy muttered.

"I know something else we can do," said Peach.

_Seven-and-a-half hours worth of unsuccessful attempts to keep Daisy entertained later..._

"Finally, it's nightfall! The fun begins now! Peach, first thing's first. You need to send all the toads away."

"What for?"

"Because it's a _girls' _night out!"

Reluctantly, Peach sent Mailtoad to tell everyone to evacuate the castle for the night. Having no place to go, the toads went to Luigi's mansion and politely requested he let them stay as humble guests.

Just kidding. The second he answered the door, they burst in and proceeded to empty his fridge.

But anyway...

Daisy had turned off all the lights and was holding a flashlight to her face.

"Let the games begin. The first thing we're going to do is-"

The doorbell rang. Daisy growled.

"Yeah, what is it?" she asked as she pulled the door open. It was Bowser.

"I'm here to kidnap Peach."

"Sorry, but she has a prior engagement."

"What? But I scheduled this a week in advance!"

"Tough beans. She's booked for the night."

"Will she be available tomorrow morning?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Alright, but she better not be busy."

Bowser walked away and Daisy shut the door.

Back in the living room, Daisy picked up her flashlight again.

"The first thing we're going to do is ask personal questions we wouldn't normally ask each other."

Peach blinked but said nothing.

"I'll go first. Were you mad at me for reading your diary?"

"...You read my diary?"

"Yeah. I thought you knew about that?"

"...I didn't."

"Oh, uh... Well then... Your turn!"

Peach raised on eyebrow, but decided to let it go... for now.

"Why are you always here and never in Sarasa Land?"

"Because I like the Mushroom Kingdom better, and all my friends live here."

"But doesn't your kingdom need you?"

"I'm sure they can manage."

_Meanwhile..._

With no ruler, Sarasa Land was in complete and total anarchy as the locals rampaged everywhere, destroying everything in sight.

_Back at the castle..._

"Besides, it's really not that great. Mostly desert."

"Okay then. That's all I can think of."

"Me too. Next activity!"

Daisy pulled out a videotape and put it into the TV. An episode of Teletubbies started to play. Daisy shrieked and hit the eject button.

"That was the wrong tape!"

She put in a different tape and a chick flick started to play.

* * *

><p>"George, please don't say it..." pleaded a female koopa.<p>

"I'm sorry, Hannah, but it's time we split up," said a male toad.

"Why does it have to be this way, George?"

"Because you're a koopa. If people found out I was dating a reptile, I'd be a laughing stock."

There was a pause before Hannah punched him in the face.

"This part always makes me cry..." Daisy sniffled. Peach just stared blankly at the screen.

"Okay, enough of this. Next activity."

Daisy hit the eject button.

"Daisy, how is this a girls' night out if we're spending it in the castle?"

"Oh, we're getting to that!"

"Huh?"

* * *

><p>Peach and Daisy were walking in the woods to an unspecified location.<p>

"How much farther?" asked Peach.

"Not much."

Eventually they came upon a body of water.

"A pond?"

"Yup! We're going swimming!"

"But I didn't bring a suit."

"Who says you need one?"

It occurred to Peach just then what Daisy had in mind.

"No, Daisy, there is no way we're going to-"

_Two minutes later..._

"Skinny dipping is fun!" said Peach as she splashed Daisy.

"_This _is a girls' night out," Daisy said, congratulating herself for the idea.

"What's the next activity?"

"I was thinking we'd go to a bar or something."

"Sweet!"

Daisy started swimming to the other end of the pond. While her back was turned, Peach got out of the water.

"Hey, Peach, do you think-"

She realized Peach was gone.

"Peach?"

Daisy stepped out of the water.

"Peach? Where'd you go?"

She looked around.

"Her clothes are gone... Hey, my clothes are gone too!"

_Later..._

Peach was sitting on her couch when the doorbell rang. She opened the door to a rather flustered Daisy.

"You're hilarious," Daisy grumbled, trying to cover herself as best as she could.

"Look at the bright side. You're not completely naked: you're still wearing your crown!"

Peach broke out laughing.

"Can I just come in?"

Peach stepped aside so Daisy could come in.

"Consider this payback for reading my diary," Peach chuckled.

After Daisy got her clothes back on, the two princesses went to a nearby bar. Things sort of went off on a tangent from that point.

* * *

><p><em>That morning...<em>

Peach and Daisy woke up... in front of the castle.

"What happened? How'd we get out here?" groaned Peach.

"We went to the bar last night and... I don't remember anything past that. Man, I'm hung-over," Daisy said, rubbing her forehead.

"Well, this has been fun," said Peach, getting to her feet.

"It sure has. Let's do it again some time."

"Daisy, what's that in your crown?"

Daisy removed her crown and saw the balled-up piece of paper inside. She unraveled it, revealing twenty dollars and some writing that said:

"Here's a little gift for the entertainment you provided. I've never meet anyone who can work a chair like you. My favorite part was when you squatted onto the-"

Daisy ripped the paper to pieces.

"I'm going home. See ya, Peach."

"Bye."

Once Daisy was out of sight, Peach went inside. Right after she closed the door behind her, the doorbell rang. She opened it to reveal Bowser.

"Are you doing anything right now?" he asked.

"Um... no."

"Good."

Bowser grabbed her and ran off.


	9. A Thief in the Night

Late at night in the Mushroom Kingdom, there was a bandit, who I suppose we'll just call Bandit. He was sneaking around in the darkness, careful not to make too much noise.

This was a special night for him. You see, it was his first night "on the job" (i.e. doing what bandits do naturally), so he was pretty much a rookie when it came to theft. But he was excited to get started.

However, he had much to learn.

Bandit came across a house that was not only big, but fancy looking. His eyes sparkling, Bandit approached a window and pulled out a large wooden hammer.

Then he opened the hammer and pulled out a pointed device. His intention was to cut a circle out of the glass, slip in through the hole, take whatever's nifty, and slip out unnoticed. It was perfect, and it would be a pretty impressive feat for a first heist.

Grinning uncontrollably, Bandit held the device to the window. The second it touched the glass, an alarm went off and a chain chomp came crashing through the front door. Bandit did a double-take and ran, the chomp in hot pursuit. While this was happening, an old koopa woman came outside and yelled, "Get 'em, boy!"

The chomp didn't stop chasing Bandit until they reached a roadway in the city. It was at this point that he got an idea. He quickly jumped into the street, pulled up a manhole cover, tossed it into the air, and jumped down the hole, complete with the cover landing in the exact spot it was before. The chain chomp appeared a second later and barked furiously at the manhole.

Then he heard honks and saw the lights of an oncoming truck.

"Oh no!" cried the truck driver.

"_Uh, oh no for you, pal!__" _thought the chain chomp as he tackled the truck head on, sending it flying.

I could go on about the 50,000 car pileup that resulted from all this, but let's get back to Bandit.

After he had escaped the sewers, he knew he needed to change his game plan. Instead of tackling a big fancy house, he found a smaller, more quaint house. And instead of trying to break in through the window, he used the chimney instead. Normally, this would be extremely stupid and dangerous, but since bandits are smaller than humans, it was only _moderately _stupid and dangerous for him. Once he reached the bottom, he pulled out his sack.

_You're a mean one_

_Mr. Bandit_

_You're a nasty one_

_Mr. Bandit_

_Your brain is full of scuttlebugs, you've got Wario's garlic in your soul_

_I wouldn't smash you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot hammer... meant for a monty mole_

_You're a vile one_

_Mr. Bandit_

_You're a sick one_

_Mr. Bandit_

_You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick boss bass_

_Mr. Ban~dit_

_Given the choice between you and a mutated goomba that's covered in throbbing boils, has a tongue coming out of its stomach and flies with its eyelids..._

_...I'd probably just go with you_

While this song was playing on Bandit's record player that he pulled out of... somewhere, he was having trouble figuring out what to steal. Nothing in the house seemed very valuable. All he saw were portraits, a coat hanger and some ugly nick-nacks. Hoping he'd find something elsewhere in the house, he tiptoed into a different room. The owner of the house was sleeping inside. Silently, Bandit crept up to his cabinet and opened it. It was full of coins! Jackpot!

Bandit hurriedly scooped the coins into the bag and made his exit back up the chimney. Almost like a ninja, he flung the bag skyward, jumped off the roof, landed safely on the ground and caught the bag when it came back down. Before he took his prize home, he wanted to see the shine of his newly stolen riches. He took a coin out of the bag and held it to the moonlight.

But it didn't shine, nor sparkle, nor twinkle, nor gleam.

Confused, he scraped at the coin with his finger. To his surprise, the surface ripped away to reveal chocolate!

These were _chocolate_ coins!

Infuriated, Bandit walked back into the house- using the front door this time- and shook the owner awake.

"Why the heck do you keep a bunch of chocolate coins in your cabinet?" he yelled.

"Would you have preferred chocolate bills? Zing!"

Bandit lobbed him with a tomato he had been conveniently carrying around and went back outside. He poured the coins out of his sack until he saw an egg with spots.

"An egg? I must've shoved this in without noticing. It looks like a yoshi egg."

He held the egg in his hand and scratched his chin, or at least the spot where his chin would be.

"Maybe something good came out of this after all! With my own yoshi, I can make speedy getaways!"

The egg twitched and cracked a little.

"It's hatching!"

The egg cracked more and more until the shell broke away. But it wasn't a yoshi. Rather, it was a rex.

And of course, the newborn rex bit him in the face.

The night wasn't going so well. It was already past midnight and Bandit hadn't stolen a single worthwhile thing. The upper class house had too much security, and the lower class house had nothing worth stealing.

The obvious solution was to hit a middle class house. After wandering around aimlessly for awhile, he found what he figured must've been one. It was smaller than the first house, but looked a bit classier than the second. Something seemed oddly familiar about it, though...

Nonetheless, he had no trouble breaking in as a window had been left ajar.

The house seemed even more familiar to him now that he was inside, but unlike the previous house, this one had valuables! Like a pack rat, he scurried about and collected everything he could find. When he was done, his sack was carrying a Mailbox SP, some loose change, a watch and two pairs of shoes, all of which mysteriously gave Bandit a sense of deja vu. Ignoring the feeling, he left the house, satisfied.

"Finally, the quest is over! I had my first successful heist, and on my first night too! Wait until I tell the bandettes at the club!"

He spied a mailbox on the walkway in front of the house. It had a name printed on it.

"Well, wouldn't ya know it? Whoever lives in that house has the same name as me! Go figure!"

He continued on his merry way with his sack.

Then suddenly...

"HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!"


	10. Lemmy and the Cosmic Circus

It was night in the Mushroom Kingdom, and there was a shooting star in the sky. But there was something strange about it. It looked as though the star was dropping sheets of paper.

One of the papers soared on the wind and found its way through one of the windows of Bowser's Castle. It landed on a bed and the koopaling sleeping in it startled awake.

"What is this?" asked Lemmy, picking up the paper

His mismatched eyes met the writing.

_Dear Recipient,_

_I'm looking for volunteers to join my traveling circus._ _If you'd like to audition, please use the enclosed warp pipe._

_-Lubba_

Below the message was an arrow pointing to a warp pipe sticker.

"Cool!"

Lemmy pulled the sticker off and placed it on the floor. It grew to a bigger size and a warp pipe emerged.

* * *

><p>Lubba stood(or floated) upon the Starship Mario, watching the planet below. An orange luma was behind him.<p>

"You excited for this circus?" Lubba asked.

The orange luma was silent.

"Something the matter, Luco?"

"Are you sure this whole circus thing is a good idea?" asked Luco.

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Remember what happened last time you tried starting a career?"

_Flashback_

On a small planet, there was a building with a banner that said, "The Intergalactic Comedy Club". Beneath it were subtitles reading, "Tonight's Star: Lubba!"

Inside, Lubba was on stage making his usual wise cracks.

"So what's the deal of toads? I mean, they all wear diapers, so wouldn't it be more appropriate to call them _TADPOLES? _Har har!" Lubba joked.

Nobody laughed.

"And what's the deal with bees? I mean, they fly around with their fancy spears, and I mean why use a spear when you have a stinger? They're obviously missing the _POINT! _Har har!"

Everyone started booing at him. This probably wasn't helped by the fact that half the audience was bees.

"Boo? What are you people trying to do, scare me? Hey, they're giving me free tomatoes! They must've really liked my joke!"

_Flashforward _

"Things will go better this time," said Lubba.

Luco shook his body. It would've been his head, but lumas don't have heads.

A warp pipe appeared. An orange ball with stars came out, followed by Lemmy who landed on top of the ball.

"Looks like this kid is _on the ball!_" said Lubba.

"Aw, jeez..." said Luco.

"Welcome to the Cosmic Circus! What's your name, kid?" asked Lubba.

"Lemmy!"

"Well, Lemmy, judging by your ball balancing skills, I think you'll be good for this circus! And since I like your spirit, I think I'll remodel the ship after you!"

In a cloud of smoke, Lubba changed the shape of the Starship Mario from Mario's head to Lemmy's head. It was the Starship Lemmy now.

_Meanwhile, in the Mushroom Kingdom..._

Mario stopped in his tracks and shivered, feeling as though something had just gone miserably wrong in the universe, but he managed to shrug it off and continued on his way.

_Back at the Starship Lemmy..._

More warp pipes appeared as more people accepted their invitations. In less than thirty minutes, there was a goomba, a boo, a yellow rabbit, a penguin, and... Gooper Blooper?

"Aren't you that giant blooper that attacked Isle Delfino? Why would you want to join a circus?" Lemmy asked.

"Blub-blub, bloo, bloop," said Gooper Blooper, which translated into, _"because I've lost control of my life"._

"Attention volunteers! I'd like to thank you all for joining my Cosmic Circus! We start planning in the morning, so I want you all to get a good night's sleep!"

Lubba floated to Luco.

"Luco, if more volunteers come, please attend to them."

Lubba retired to his private quarters while everyone else pretty much slept out in the open. No more volunteers appeared in the night.

* * *

><p>The circus crew started planning in the morning as (ahem) planned, though how they judged what time of day it was in the middle of space is a mystery.<p>

"Alright, everyone, we need to map out our routine. Lemmy, I already know what you can do, so I'm saving you for last. Do the rest of you know any tricks?"

"I can dive into a glass of water," said the penguin.

"That's great!" said Lubba.

"I can pull another rabbit out of a hat," said the rabbit.

"That works too! Anyone else?"

Nobody said anything.

"Hey, Goomba, are you afraid of heights?"

"No."

"Good. You can man the trapeze. Boo, you can turn invisible, can't you?"

"Yeah."

"Good. I have an act in mind for you. And Blooper, I figure you can use those tentacles as whips. You can be the animal tamer."

Nobody has any disagreements.

"Since we're all decided, let's go to the circus site! Full speed ahead!"

Lubba kicked the Starship Lemmy into high gear. The surrounding celestial bodies started to move as the ship traveled through space.

"Um, have we met before? You seem familiar," asked Luco.

"You may have met my dad and brother," said Lemmy.

"Dad and brother?"

"Yeah. They tried taking over the universe a little while ago. It didn't go so well."

Luco's eyes shrank.

"Your dad's Bowser?"

"Yeah, why?"

Luco was nowhere to be seen.

"Weird..."

Eventually, the ship reached a planet with a large circus tent. In front of it was a sign that read, "WELCOME TO THE COSMIC CIRCUS!" The audience, comprised of lumas, was already waiting inside, so Lubba led his crew around back.

Everything in the tent went black. A spotlight turned on and pointed at Lubba.

"Hello and welcome to the Cosmic Circus! This is our first performance ever, and it's gonna be great! First up is this here goomba, who's getting shot out of this cannon and into the trapeze! This is gonna be a _blast! _Har har!"

The audience let out a massive sigh.

The goomba jumped into the cannon, and Lubba lit the fuse. The cannon successfully fired him toward the trapeze, but since he had no hands to grab it with, he simply plummeted to the ground, resulting a rather awkward silence in the circus. Lubba cleared his throat.

"Next up is me and this here boo, who I'm gonna make disappear with this blanket! This whole act will be _shrouded _in mystery!"

Lubba pulled out a blanket and held it over boo, but boo turned invisible before Lubba could drop it on him.

"No, no, you did it too early!" said Lubba.

The boo reappeared.

"Sorry, I got kind of nervous."

The audience started booing.

"I can't tell if they're cheering for me or not," said the boo.

Lubba motioned him out of the spotlight.

"Next up is this here penguin, who's gonna dive into this tiny glass of water! He's bound to make a _splash!_ Har har!"

The penguin climbed a ladder with a diving board at the top. Without hesitation, he sprang off the board and dove at the cup below.

But then something went wrong. The cup fell over and spilled.

"Oh, no!"

The penguin rapidly flapped his wings to break his fall. He managed to pull off an upward curve at the last minute and flew through the air.

The audience booed louder than before. They wanted to see him dive in the glass of water.

"I've let my audience down," the penguin cried as he flew away. Lubba started to sweat.

"And next up, this here rabbit is gonna pull another rabbit out of his hat! You've gotta tip your _hat _to that! Har har!"

"Your puns aren't funny!" shouted someone in the back of the audience.

The rabbit hopped into the spotlight with a top hat. He reached into it and pulled out another rabbit, one that was brown instead of yellow. Everyone cheered.

"When he said he could pull a rabbit out of his hat, he wasn't kidding!" said one of the lumas.

"Actually, I'm a hare," said the brown rabbit.

The audience fell silent for a moment before they started booing.

"Oh, come on! Same difference!" stormed the yellow rabbit. Lubba shoved him out of the spotlight.

"And n-next up is th-this here giant blooper, who's g-going to tame this here d-dino piranha! It's bound to be-"

Someone threw a rotten star bit at Lubba.

A second spotlight lit up to reveal Gooper Blooper and a dino piranha in a cage. The dino piranha roared at him, but GB used his tentacles as whips to keep it at bay. The audience ooh'd.

Then the dino piranha abruptly clamped down on his tentacles, ripped them off, swallowed them whole and kicked the cage open before leaving the circus. With no limbs, GB bounced out of the spotlight. The audience was outraged.

Lemmy was waiting behind the tent when Lubba came rushing out.

"Is it my turn now?"

"Don't bother, kid! The entire show's a disaster!" wailed Lubba as he ditched the circus.

Confused, Lemmy rode his ball into the tent. The lumas quieted down watched him as he stood there, alone in the spotlight.

"Hey, check him out."

"That's some good balancing right there."

"He makes it look so easy."

"Not bad."

The audience clapped a little.

_"They like it!" _Lemmy thought.

He did a 360 degree rotation on his ball. The audience clapped a bit louder and a few whistled.

Lemmy then bounced about, perfectly landing on the ball each time even as it bounced with him. The crowd clapped and cheered wildly, showering Lemmy with coins, star bits and 1-ups. He bowed to his new fans before making his exit.

"That was a hoot! I should've joined a circus a long time ago!"

Lemmy's happy moment was interrupted when a large comet came speeding at him. Thankfully, it came to an abrupt stop.

"Is that him?" said a soft, mystical voice.

"That's him!" said what Lemmy recognized as Luco's voice.

A feminine figure came floating out of the comet, far above Lemmy. Suddenly, the koopaling found himself surrounded by a ball of blue energy and was levitated to her level.

"I am Rosalina," she said with her eyes closed. "I do believe your name is Lemmy."

"It is. What happened to Luco?"

"He feared that you may have been part of a plot to rule the universe. But I'm reasonably certain that isn't the case."

She opened her eyes.

"Aren't you a little far from home?" she asked.

"Yeah. I left to join the Cosmic Circus."

"But you have a family back home. Don't you think you should return to them?"

"Sort of, but I really like being in Lubba's circus, and-

"_Lubba's _circus?" she asked.

"Yeah. He's the ringmaster."

"...Lemmy, I _strongly _feel it's in your best interest to return home."

"What about my dream of being a circus performer?"

"Pursue your dreams if you wish, but I would advise you to join a _different _circus._"_

"But what's wrong with...?"

"Please, just take my word for it," she said in a suddenly deadpan voice.

Lemmy blinked.

"It's time I returned you home," she said, her voice having regained its soft echo.

Rosalina waved her wand, and in a flash of light, Lemmy was teleported back to his room. Seconds later, his ball was teleported, too.

"Well, it was fun while it lasted", Lemmy yawned before falling asleep in his bed.

Far away, the Toad Brigade Captain was going for a walk when an invite landed on his head.

_Dear Recipient,_

_How would you like to star in an intergalactic TV show?_


	11. Dating Games

**This is the third installment of the Luigi series. The previous two are "The Mansion Pianist" and "Night of the Shrooboid". If you haven't read them yet, please do so!**

Luigi and Melody were sitting in the mansion's master bedroom, watching a soap opera about two bob-ombs.

"I can't go on living like this, anymore... It's just not worth it..." said the bob-omb wearing a bow.

"No! Please don't! There's always hope!" said the bob-omb wearing a tie.

"I'm sorry, but it's time I ended it all," she said.

"No, please!" he cried.

"Goodbye, my love."

She lit her fuse.

"NOOOOO!"

She exploded.

"You're wrong, this isn't goodbye! I'm coming to see you!"

He lit his fuse and exploded too. The credits rolled.

"That was so stupid," said Melody.

"Stupid? Don't you like soap operas?" asked Luigi.

"Absolutely not!"

"Whatever. I'll just watch the rest of them myself."

"The rest?" Melody blinked.

"Yeah. I have a whole box of them."

"You're not planning on spending the whole evening watching these things, are you?" Melody asked, sounding disgusted.

"I am, actually."

"Don't you have anything better to do?"

"Well..."

"Oh, don't answer that!"

Melody got up and left the room.

"_I swear, someone needs to get that ragamuffin a life!"_

Melody's foot hit something hard. She looked down and saw that it was a cell phone.

"_A cell phone? This must be Luigi's. Looks like he dropped it by accident."_

She picked it up and went through the contacts. One of them had a heart next to her name.

"Hey! What're you doing with my phone?" Luigi demanded. Melody hadn't noticed he had come out into the hallway.

"Who is this Daisy person?" Melody asked.

"She's a princess, and a friend of mine..."

"Why don't go out with her instead of watching your operas?"

"Go out?"

"Yes, out. As in a date. And don't act coy with me, because I saw the heart next to her name."

There was a pause.

"Okay, look. The reason I'm not dating her is that I'm insecure. I'm afraid I'll screw everything up and that she'll think I'm a joke."

"You are a joke. But a likeable one."

"Uh... Thanks?"

"Do you get along with her, at the very least?"

"Well, yeah. Very well, actually. She even has a statue of me on one of her racetracks."

Melody's pupils shrank.

"She has a STATUE of you? You should've MARRIED this woman by now, you buffoon!"

"But I've never been on a date before! I have no experience!"

Melody stopped to think.

"Tell you what. How about I show you a bad date? Once you see a real loser in action, you'll surely feel better about yourself."

"How's that going to happen?" Luigi asked, confused.

"It's easy. I'll just go out with the most obnoxious person you know."

"You're willing to do that?"

"If it'll get you out of this mansion, then yes."

"Well, I have someone in mind, but what makes you so sure he'll go out with you?"

"Oh, please. There's not a man alive that can resist my beauty."

"Eh, sounds good to me. But Melody..."

"Hmm?"

"Why do you want me to get out more if you never go out yourself?

"...Because I have no friends other than you. I was dead for decades, remember?"

"But I can get you friends."

"Look, we can walk about this later. First, the date."

* * *

><p>Luigi sat alone at a table in some fancy restaurant. At the table across from him was Melody. She was wearing a sapphire dress, blush and a tiny little bow. As they both gave each other a thumbs up, a man walked in through the front door.<p>

"_He's coming! Better put on my disguise!" _Luigi thought. He took out a fake mustache and...

...Wait.

"_Drat, I forgot I already have a mustache! Time for Plan B!"_

He took out a rubber clown nose and...

...Um...

"_This won't fit on my big nose! Come on, Luigi, think of something quick!"_

Luigi shoved his nose into his mouth and put his hat on backwards. Despite how ridiculous the sight was, the mystery man didn't recognize or even notice him as he walked by.

"Hello. Are you Melody?"

"Yes, that's me. You must be Wario."

"_I would've picked Waluigi, but I think Wario can do worse," _Luigi thought.

Wario sat down. Melody took note of his overalls.

"Your outfit is rather janky for such a fancy restaurant..."

"Oh, whoops. I forgot."

Wario put on a purple bowtie.

"So... What do you do for a living?" Melody asked.

"I run a minigame company."

"That sounds fun. How much money do you make?"

"Actually, I'm going bankrupt. All my employees quit. They got mad because I never payed them or something like that."

"Um... What?"

The waiter arrived.

"Are you two ready to order?"

"I'll have a mushroom pie," said Melody.

"I'll have twenty pounds of fresh garlic," said Wario.

"Would you like anything to drink?"

"A glass of cabernet," said Melody.

"Bacon grease," said Wario.

"I feel bad for you," the waiter whispered in Melody's ear before leaving. She winced before speaking again.

"So, what do you think about-"

Wario's ringtone went off.

"Hold on a sec."

Wario answered his cell phone.

"What is it, Ma? I'm on a date. What do you mean 'yeah right'? Bah, just tell me what you called for. No, I'm not the one who keeps sending pizzas to your house. I don't know who else it could be, maybe it's one of your friends. Okay, bye."

Wario hung up.

"I was lying about the pizzas," Wario snickered.

"..."

The waiter returned.

"Here's your food," he said, putting the meals and drinks down.

Wario wolfed down his garlic. Melody grimaced.

"Well, I can tell you like garli-"

Wario burped so loudly that it blasted all the dinnerware clean off the table.

"That's disgusting!"

"Eh, it happens to the best of us," said Wario as he leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on the table. Four seconds later the chair collapsed under his weight.

"That's it! I've had enough!"

Melody left in a huff and Luigi snuck after her.

"You gonna eat that pie you left on the floor?" Wario called after her.

* * *

><p><em>Back at the mansion, in the foyer...<em>

"There! Do you feel more confident now?" Melody stammered.

"I sure do!"

"Good. I've met some real zeros before, but that guy..."

"I'll hook up with Daisy tomorrow, okay?"

"Yes, good!"

E. Gadd walked in.

"Melody, why do you smell like garlic?" he asked.

"Don't ask..."

E. Gadd shrugged and walked out.

"...What did he even come inside for?" asked Melody.

"Beats me," said Luigi.

* * *

><p><em>The next evening...<em>

Melody sat alone at a table in the same fancy restaurant, wearing a trench coat and fedora disguise. Across from her was Luigi, who was wearing a suit. They gave each other a thumbs up as Daisy walked in. She looked quite stunning in her little black dress, complete with black eye shadow.

"Luigi!"

"Daisy!"

Daisy sat down. Luigi's eyes glittered a little.

"So how've you been?" She asked.

"I've been good. How about you?"

"Good."

"Good to hear. I like your dress. It looks very good on you."

"Why thank you~," Daisy purred, blushing a little.

"_He's got this," _Melody thought, reclining in her chair.

That's when the door opened again. A very slender man walked in. Luigi's mustache twitched, as if it were reacting to his presence.

"Daisy, do you suddenly get the feeling something bad is about to happen?" Luigi asked.

"No, why?"

"A-HA!" went an obnoxious voice.

"Oh, no!" Luigi and Daisy both cried in unison.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the green loser and the flower girl! And how cute, they're on a date!" mocked Waluigi.

"_Who is this anorexic freak? That fat guy's brother?" _Melody thought.

"What're you doing here?" Luigi asked, flustered.

"Wario thinks he dropped his bow-tie here, so he sent me to get it for him. I wasn't expecting this, though!"

"Just find your bow-tie and go away!" Daisy demanded.

"I don't get why you're here with this wimp when you could be going out with a real man like me!" Waluigi said, taking her by the arm.

"Get your hands off me!" Daisy growled, pulling her arm away.

"Yeah, don't touch her!" Luigi commanded.

"Or else what?" Waluigi taunted.

"Uh... I'll... Uh..."

"Yeah, that's what I thought!"

Melody was shaking in her seat.

"_This guy's ruining everything! I've got to do something!"_

Melody picked up her glass of water and threw it at Waluigi, but sadly, it missed and hit Daisy instead. The pianist cursed under her breath.

"What the hell?" Daisy exclaimed, looking at all the water on her dress.

"Ha-ha, good thing you're not wearing a white dress!" Waluigi remarked.

"Melody!" Luigi scolded.

"Melody? Who's Melody?" Daisy asked.

"Um..."

"Enough games! Daisy, how about you and me go downtown and-"

Someone poked Waluigi's shoulder. He turned around and saw it was Melody, sans her disguise.

"I think it's time for you to go," she said, her words dripping with venom. Waluigi had other ideas, though.

"How about I take _you_ downtown, good looking?" Waluigi asked, handing her a sapphire (which he no doubt got from Wario).

"Honestly, now? If you want to impress me, at least bring a ruby!" she said dryly as she tossed the sapphire over her shoulder. It hit something with a loud thunk and somebody screamed "OW!" An angry wiggler approached the group.

"WHO THREW THAT?"

Everybody pointed at Waluigi.

"What? No I didn't-"

The wiggler grabbed Waluigi by the neck and threw him across the restaurant. He crashed into a table that a family of piantas was sitting at, knocking it over in the process.

"What's the big idea?" roared father pianta.

"It was him, daddy!" said the son, pointing at the wiggler.

The father pianta grabbed Waluigi and threw him back at the wiggler, knocking him to the ground. Seconds later, the wiggler violently stood up, sending Waluigi into the ceiling.

"YOU LOOKIN' FOR TROUBLE, TREE HEAD?"

"I'LL SHOW YOU TROUBLE YOU OVERSIZED FISHBAIT!"

The pianta and the wiggler started grabbing and throwing any object they could find at each other, including other people's tables. The whole restaurant was in chaos.

As Luigi quivered in his shoes pondering what to do, Daisy clutched his hand.

"Come on, Luigi! Time to get going!"

"I second that notion!" said Melody. All three of them fled the restaurant, and as they did, a chair crashed through a window.

"That was terrible..." Luigi moaned.

Melody put her hand on his shoulder.

"It's not your fault. Everything was fine up until that creep showed up. Too bad the restaurant is destroyed..." she said as a table crashed through another window.

"Luigi, would you mind introducing me to your friend?" Daisy asked, obviously confused.

"Oh, right..."

Luigi told her the entire story of how Melody was a ghost he captured during the mansion incident, was resurrected by E. Gadd, and had been living with him since. Melody herself pitched in a few details about how long she had been dead and how she's somewhat out of place in this time period as a result. Daisy found the resurrection part a bit hard to believe, but then again, it was E. Gadd they were dealing with.

"Alright, so long as she's not your girlfriend or anything," said Daisy.

"What do you mean _so long?_" Luigi asked.

"...Oh, nothing."

Melody nudged Luigi, bouncing her eyebrows.

"Still, the evening feels incomplete to me. Is there something else you'd like to do, Luigi?"

"Hmm..."

* * *

><p><em>Back at the mansion...<em>

"We're perfect for each other," said the water elemental ghost.

"You're right. We're both floating element creatures with no features other than eyes. It's a match made in heaven," said the podoboo.

"I love you," said the water ghost.

"I love you too," said the podoboo.

They kissed. The podoboo immediately extinguished to nothing.

"NOOOOOOO!"

Luigi and Daisy both stared at the TV in fascination.

"Who would've thought we both like soap operas?" said Daisy.

"It's a match made in... heaven," said Luigi.

They gazed into each others eyes for a moment before they giggled and looked back at the TV.

Elsewhere in the mansion, Melody was banging her head against her piano.

**Thank you all for reading what I'm pretty sure is my longest chapter yet! I hope everyone had a good E3 this year and is looking forward to this Summer!**

**I graduated from high school on Saturday, so I should be able to update this more frequently now. The next chapter will be about Shy Guy losing his mask.**


	12. Shy Guy Loses His Mask

One morning, a shy guy whom we'll call Shy Guy woke up and hopped out of bed, ready to start the day. He went to get his mask off the shelf and...

...It was gone.

This wasn't good. Shy Guy never went out in public without his mask; even at birth, he was wearing a mask (don't ask how that works, you don't wanna know). This was typical of any shy guy.

That's when he got an idea. If he spent the day without his mask, he'd go down in history as the first member of his species to do so. He'd become famous! But first, he'd have to take the ugly test. The test was as simple as looking into a mirror. If the mirror cracked, you were ugly, if it didn't, you weren't.

Shy Guy looked into a mirror. His reflection took out a gun and shot itself.

...But the mirror didn't crack, so he concluded he wasn't ugly.

Eager, Shy Guy walked out the door and noticed a bird on his lawn. When the bird saw his face, it laid an egg and flew away. Shy Guy merely shrugged and continued on his way. The neighbor's chain chomp hid behind his stake, shivering.

* * *

><p>Shy Guy jumped out of a taxi after paying the driver (who, thankfully, was blind). Now he was in the middle of Mushroom City. As he walked down the street, nearby traffic immediately flew into chaos as cars started crashing into each other.<p>

When passed by a koopa, it jumped out of its shell.

When he passed by a monty mole, it dug through solid concrete to escape.

When he passed by a podoboo, it froze solid.

When he passed by a goomba, it walked up to the nearest person and asked, "please stomp me".

Eventually he came across a vending machine and put a coin inside, but before he could pick a drink, the buttons all screamed and ran away. Annoyed, he went to watch a horror movie... which of course resulted in everyone evacuating the theater.

"This whole day's been a disaster! I'm not famous and everyone freaks out when they see me!"

"How is that a bad thing, though?" asked a voice next to him.

Shy Guy turned and saw a boo... and he was wearing his mask!

"What're you doing with my mask?"

"This isn't your mask."

"Yes it is!"

"Prove it."

"My name's written on it!"

"No, it isn't. I erased your name after I... Uh..."

"Gotcha!"

"Okay, fine. I stole it."

"Why?"

"Because this way, I'll never have to worry about people seeing my face again."

"Couldn't you have gotten your own mask? And why aren't you freaking out like everyone else?"

"I'm not freaking out because I've seen everything."

"Everything?"

"Everything."

_Flashback_

Peach was showering when she heard a chuckle.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" she asked through the curtain. Nobody was to be seen and there was nothing to hear but the water, so she shrugged it off. The unseen voice chuckled again.

_Flashforward_

"And I stole your mask because it matches my color."

"This is ridiculous! I'm taking it back!"

"No, wait!"

Shy Guy snatched the mask back. The boo covered his face.

"Why are you hiding your face?"

"I don't want you looking at it!"

"Why?"

"I just don't!"

"There's nothing wrong with your face, though."

"I'm not taking your word for that!"

"You don't have to," said Shy Guy as he put his mask back on. He grabbed the boo by the tail and dragged him out of the theater.

"Stop! Where are we going?" asked the boo as he uncovered his face.

"You'll see."

Shy Guy stopped in the restroom and pushed the boo in front of the mirror.

"See? There's absolutely nothing wrong with your... uh..."

The boo covered his face at the sight of his reflection.

"What the heck are you...?"

The boo just floated there, covering his face still.

"...I give up."

Shy Guy left. The boo didn't move.

* * *

><p><em>Outside the theater...<em>

"Well, this has been a failure. No fame, no fortune, just chaos. No wonder the other shy guys never take their masks off."

Somebody screamed.

"What was that?"

There was a noki woman not far from him.

"Help, help! I'm getting attacked by an angry bee!" she shrieked, hiding inside her shell. The little bee buzzed in circles around her.

Shy Guy rushed in and removed his mask, exposing his face to the offending insect. It ripped out its own stinger and died. After he put his mask back on, reporters appeared out of seemingly nowhere to cover the situation.

* * *

><p>"SHY GUY SAVES NOKI FROM MALICIOUS INVERTEBRATE. DECLARED HERO OF THE CENTURY."<p>

This is what was printed on the front page of the Mushroom Times.

Somewhere, Mario had gotten a hold of the paper. After he read the headline, he crumpled it up, threw it over his shoulder and shook his head.


	13. Godmother Rosalina

Out in space, the Comet Observatory was floating before a blue planet. Rosalina was standing on its edge, and behind her was a bunch of lumas.

"Luco, are you certain you want me to do this?" she asked.

"Yes, I'm sure. I promise we'll be fine until you get back," the orange luma reassured her.

"Don't worry about them, Rosalina. I'll watch over them," said Polari.

"Very well, then."

Reluctantly, Rosalina waved her wand and disappeared. Once she was gone, Luco floated to Polari.

"Polari, you need some time off, too."

"But someone has to keep an eye on things. Besides, I don't need time off."

"Yeah, you do. I can see the stardust in your eyes."

"But..."

"This isn't the first time Mama's left us alone, and we strike off on our own all the time, anyway."

"That is true. But can I trust _you _to make sure nothing goes haywire?"

"Absolutely."

Polari rubbed his forehead.

"Very well, then. I'm going to get some rest."

Polari floated away.

"Glad those two are taking a much needed break," said Luco, crossing his arms. The other lumas all looked at each other.

* * *

><p>Rosalina reappeared in front of Peach's castle. She was about to ring the doorbell, but then she noticed the sign on the door.<p>

_Dear Visitor,_

_I'm at an important meeting to settle a dispute with a neighboring kingdom. I won't be back until tomorrow. Sorry for any inconvenience._

_-Peach_

Rosalina took a moment to think before walking away. Once she was gone, Bowser appeared and read the sign.

"DARN IT!"

* * *

><p>Rosalina showed up at Daisy's large house. She rang the doorbell and Daisy answered... with an icepack on her head.<p>

"Rosie! What brings you here?" she coughed.

"One of my lumas insisted that I take a vacation, so I'm spending three days on this planet. You seem unwell, though."

"Uh... Yeah. I've been sick as a dog since yesterday. Where are you going to stay, Peach's castle?"

"I was, but due to unforeseen circumstances, she won't be home until tomorrow."

"Why don't you stay with me for now?"

"No, no. I can't burden you like that. You need to focus on recovering."

"What're you gonna do, then?"

"I'll figure something out."

Rosalina walked away as Daisy watched her worriedly.

* * *

><p>Ludwig, Larry and Iggy were flying around in a clown car.<p>

"Come out, come out, wherever you are, Princess," said Ludwig.

"Let's set a trap and bait it with cake!" cackled Iggy.

"Don't you guys think this is dumb? Why can't Dad just wait for her to come home, instead of sending us to look for her?"

"A better question would be, why is this called a clown car? Wouldn't clown copter make more sense?" asked Iggy.

"I think I see her!" said Ludwig, pointing at a woman below.

"Are you sure? Because Peach normally wears pink, and this lady's wearing blue," said Larry.

Ludwig rested his chin between his thumb and pointing figure.

"True. Let's get in closer to see if it's really-"

"COWABUNGA!"

Iggy jumped off the clown car.

"...Or we could just let Iggy find out," said Ludwig.

Iggy plummeted towards his target, laughing like a maniac.

"I've got you now my pretty! Hahahaha-"

Iggy wasn't laughing when he ricocheted off a force field and crashed into a tree.

"What just happened?" asked Larry.

"I don't know! She somehow deflected him! Let's get down there!"

Rosalina approached the dazed koopaling.

"You must be one of Bowser's children..." she concluded.

"I know I am, but who are you?" Iggy sputtered, eyes spinning.

"I am Rosalina, Guardian of the Cosmos."

Iggy sat up and shook his head.

"So... You're not..."

"We've got you now, Peach!" shouted Larry, running in from behind with Ludwig. They both jumped for Rosalina, but she simply floated out of the way. They crashed into Iggy instead.

_"Maybe I should talk to them..." _thought Rosalina. She levitated them with blue bubbles.

"Just for the record, I'm Rosalina, not Peach. And aren't you three acting a little abrasive?"

"We thought you were Peach..." mumbled Larry.

"That doesn't make it right. Kidnapping Peach isn't right," said Rosalina.

"Uh, hello? We're koopalings! We're all about being mean and unfair! Especially when it comes to kidnapping the Princess and squashing those plumbers!" Ludwig retorted.

"You get that from your father, don't you?"

None of the koopalings spoke.

"Tell me, has this philosophy of yours gotten you anywhere?"

"Nah, we pretty much get our butts kicked every time," said Iggy.

"Shut up, Iggy," they both muttered.

"Well, aren't you tired of it by now?"

"Maybe..." said Ludwig, raising his eyebrow suspiciously. "But what are you telling us these things for?"

"I'm trying to talk some sense into you. Does your mother condone this as much as your father does?"

"Mother? Mother who? She hasn't shown her face since Junior was born," Larry growled.

"You have an absent mother? There's something we have in common."

"Your mom is gone too?" Larry asked.

"Yes. She's not among the living anymore."

"Oh. Sorry about tha-"

Larry did a double take.

"D-Did I just say sorry?"

"You did! You did!" his siblings chanted in disbelief.

"See? Being nice isn't so bad, is it?" Rosalina asked. Ludwig grew angry.

"Listen lady, I don't know who you think you are, but you can't boss us around! So just take your sense talk and your petty little morals and go away!"

"Very well, then."

Rosalina canceled the force fields and started to walk away, but Larry called out to her.

"Wait, wait! Why don't you hang out with us for awhile?"

"Hmm?" said Rosalina.

"Eh?" said Iggy.

"WHAT?" cried Ludwig.

"Come on, you guys! We have nothing better to do, and Dad's not gonna know! Would you rather be looking for Peach still?"

"...Good point," said Iggy.

Ludwig scowled but said nothing.

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile, on the Comet Observatory...<em>

"Time for a bath," said Luco.

He stared at the shower knobs.

"Mama usually does this for me... Eh, how hard can it be?"

Luco turned a knob and water came out of the shower head.

"Agh! The water's too hot!"

He tried turning it back.

"The knob's stuck!"

He put so much force into it that the knob broke clean off. Water came blasting out as the shower head flew off.

"...That can't be good."

* * *

><p>ROSALINA'S VACATION: DAY 1<p>

Rosalina and the koopalings were sitting around a bonfire at the beach.

"Would anyone like to tell a story?" asked Rosalina.

Iggy jumped up and down.

"Ooh, ooh, I got one! In case you didn't know, my hair wasn't always this style, or even this color. I bet you're all _dying _to know why I changed it! Get it? Dying?"

Rosalina feigned a laugh, but the other two didn't.

"I used to have a rainbow mohawk, just like my brother Lemmy. I liked it... At least until it started causing me trouble with the castle's guards."

_Series of Flashbacks_

"Good morning, Master Lemmy."

"Actually, I'm Iggy."

"Master Lemmy, your father wants to see you."

"I'm not Lemmy, I'm Iggy."

"Love the new glasses, Master Lemmy."

"My name's Iggy, and these glasses aren't new! But thanks for the compliment."

"Master Lemmy, the plumber has infiltrated the fortress."

"It's Iggy!"

"Hey, Lemmy, wanna play catch with my ball?"

"I'M IGGY! _YOU'RE_ LEMMY!"

"I am? Oh, yeah..."

_Flashforward_

"And that's why I changed my hairstyle."

"That's a funny story. Speaking of which, I've met your brother."

"Lemmy? Really?" they all said.

"He was briefly involved in a circus in space. It's a long story."

"I'm... not surprised..." said Ludwig.

"Nobody noticed he was gone? Not even your father?"

"Of course not. All he cares about is Junior," Larry grumbled.

"Is there something you'd like to share with us, Larry?"

"You know, _I_ used to be Dad's favorite before _he _came into the picture. Junior gets everything! His own clown car, his own airship, his own baseball team, everything! He even gets to boss us around sometimes! I never got this treatment even _before _Junior was born!"

"Well..."

"I can top that," said Ludwig. "I used to be Dad's right hand man until Junior happened. Now I'm just a nobody!"

"You two should try changing your hairstyles. Solved my problem," said Iggy.

"Shut up, Iggy!" they both snarled.

"But seriously, you two shouldn't be complaining. He cares about us more than Mom ever did, anyway."

"True," Ludwig admitted. "Junior never even met her."

"Let's stop talking about this," said Larry. "What about you, lady? Do you have a story?"

"I do. When I was a child, I was traveling with my lumas on our starship. I don't remember how it happened exactly, but we accidentally crashed into a strange planet. The ship's engine was lost in the impact, so to get the ship back in order, we had to find it. We all split up and searched, until some of my lumas flew by frantically. They were all screaming that there was a monster, and a minute later a creature resembling an alligator appeared. It spotted me and chased after me. I ran away as fast as I could, but I tripped and fell. Next thing I knew, the creature was opening its mouth, ready to eat me. I shielded myself with my arms, and at that very moment a force field surrounded me. The creature tried to bite through it, but I was protected. That's when one of my lumas came to see what was happening, and the creature attacked it instead. Without thinking, I reached out my arm and the creature was lifted by a force field. It floated upwards until I dropped it on its back. Once it got back to its feet, it regurgitated the engine and fled. That's the story of how I learned I could harness the power of the cosmos."

"That reminds me of a video game about little plant people," Larry mused.

"...You wouldn't happen to be that space woman Dad and Junior told us about, would you?" asked Ludwig.

"If you're referring to the time your father attacked my observatory and attempted to take over the universe, then yes, I am."

"I knew it!" Ludwig exclaimed, springing up and pointing at her. "You're one of Mario's allies!"

"I am."

"Yet here we are telling stories together at a bonfire!"

"We are."

"On a beach that's conveniently empty today!"

"It is."

"We're supposed to be _enemies!_ We have no business fraternizing like this!"

"Your father fraternizes with Mario and his friends all the time during sports competitions, so I don't see the problem. Besides, I recall you and your siblings playing on Bowser's team during last month's baseball tournament."

Ludwig's jaw dropped. He had no idea that the woman he was mouthing off to was the same person from Mario's team. Iggy grinned.

"Oh, I remember that! You guys totally kicked our-"

Iggy's watch started beeping.

"Whoops! Time to walk the chomp!"

"You have a chomp? What's its name?"

"It doesn't have a name, because chomps don't have legs. Naming legless animals is pointless."

"Because?"

"Because they can't come when you call them!"

Iggy cackled his way back to the clown car, obviously not realizing that the joke didn't translate when it came to chomps.

"You two coming with me, or what?"

"Yeah, yeah, we're coming..." said Ludwig.

They boarded the clown car.

"Bye, lady!" said Larry.

"Goodbye," said Rosalina.

They waved her goodbye, except Ludwig who glared daggers at her instead. Soon, they were out of sight.

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile, in space...<em>

After the excessive flooding in the observatory was slurped up by Thirsty Lumas (cousins to Hungry Lumas), Luco was reading a book in the library. When he finished, he saw that he was surrounded by the other lumas.

"Tell us a bedtime story," one of them said.

"I've got a classic. Once upon a time, an evil monster kidnapped a princess, and-"

"And then the hero defeats the monster and brings the princess back and she gives him a cake and gets kidnapped again a week later and the same thing happens all over again."

"..."

"That's the oldest story in the book. Or library, or whatever. Give us something different."

"Okay, okay. How about I read Mama's storybook?"

"The one about the girl that's obviously Mama as a kid, but is still never named, most likely as a poor attempt to add some mystery?" asked a luma wearing glasses.

"...Never mind."

"Story! Story! Story!" they all demanded.

"Once upon a time, there was a tiger, and wizard, and a closet, and, uh..."

Suddenly, a blueish entity that resembled Rosalina appeared.

"It's the Cosmic Spirit," said one of the lumas.

"Are you in need of a helping hand? Would you like me to guide you on storytelling?" she asked Luco.

Luco facepalmed.

* * *

><p>"Thank you for letting me spend the night here," Rosalina told Luigi, sipping tea in the guest room.<p>

"Sure thing. Just call if you need anything."

Luigi left the room, and immediately after, Melody entered.

"Hi. I'm Melody Pianissima," she said somewhat awkwardly.

"I am Rosalina."

They shook hands.

"You've been dead for some time, haven't you?" Rosalina asked. Melody flinched in surprise.

"H-How'd you know that?"

"When I shook your hand, I felt your energy. It felt fresh, new, as though you had just been born."

Melody nodded.

"The professor that lives in the cabin outside revived me with a machine. It exploded afterwards, though."

"Since you've been dead, you probably feel like a fish out of water, huh?"

Melody was astonished. Rosalina was reading her like a book.

"...How do you do that?" Melody asked. She was half-expecting Rosalina to ask her what she meant by that, but once again, Rosalina fully understood.

"I've garnered much experience over the centuries."

"Centuries? That's impossible! You look like you're in your twenties!"

"I've ceased aging because, during my travels across the cosmos, I've learned to harness cosmic energy."

Melody found that hard to believe, but then again, she used to be dead...

"I can relate to your disillusionment. I used to visit this planet only once every hundred years, and every time, it would be different. And yet, it never stopped feeling like home to me."

"Used to?"

"Yes. Everything changed when I met Mario. You see, this is the fifth time I've visited this planet in three months. That may not sound like much, but compared to before, it's a drastic increase in frequency."

"Mario? Isn't that Luigi's brother?"

"Correct."

"What happened with him? And how did you become a space traveller?"

"Sit down. I have much to tell you."

* * *

><p>ROSALINA'S VACATION: DAY 2<p>

The next morning, Rosalina exited the mansion as Luigi and Melody waved her goodbye.

"Where should I go next, I wonder? I suppose I'll check to see if Peach is home."

Rosalina's eyes widened. She took flight to avoid a spell that came twirling down from above. In the sky was Kamek on his broom.

"You're coming with me, Princess!"

He blasted another spell at her.

"I am not a princess."

Rosalina blocked it with a forcefield and floated towards Kamek. Chanting some ominous verse, Kamek produced a different spell that traveled swiftly and erratically. Rosalina didn't react in time and was struck in the side, sending her downwards and leaving her lying on the ground. Kamek landed before the seemingly defeated Lady of the Cosmos.

"Well, that was easy."

Rosalina disappeared in a flash of white light and reappeared behind him.

"You were saying?" she asked before trapping Kamek in a bubble.

Kamek held up his wand and vanished into a miniature twister. This was followed by a green bob-bomb striking Rosalina in the back. The explosion produced not fire, but green gas.

"You're not the only one who can teleport!" Kamek taunted from above.

Having inhaled the gas, Rosalina passed out.

_Later..._

When she came to, she was locked in a cell. Bowser and Kamek were watching her.

"So, a little birdie told me you've been getting chummy with my kids," Bowser growled.

_"Ludwig..." _she thought. But there were more important matters at hand.

"Why have you chosen to kidnap me? Is all this truly necessary?"

"I'm punishing you for corrupting my children!"

"I didn't corrupt anyone. I had an honest talk with them."

"I don't need you steering them wrong with your 'honest talk'," Bowser hissed.

"Wrong? As opposed to what? Following in _your_ footsteps?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Trying to take over the Mushroom Kingdom, and occasionally the universe?"

"Yes! All that truly matters in this world is power!"

"But how successful have you been, so far?"

"The only reason I keep failing is Mario! Hopefully someday, the kids will outlive him and claim this kingdom as their own."

"Has it ever occurred to you that they might not want to be evil?"

"Of course they want to be evil! It's not like I _force_ them to act this way, or anything."

"They act this way because you're their only influence. I happen to know for a fact that one of them would rather join a circus than conquer the kingdom."

Bowser's jaw dropped.

"A-Are you t-talking about...?"

"It's you again!" cried a juvenile voice from across the room.

"Good morning, Lemmy."

"Good morning, Rosetta," said Lemmy as he rode his ball in closer.

"It's Rosalina, but close enough."

Bowser was absolutely baffled.

"WHA~? YOU'VE MET LEMMY TOO?"

"Yes, I have," she replied calmly.

"Lemmy, when did you meet this woman?"

"She sent me back home after I joined a circus in space," Lemmy answered with a goofy grin.

Bowser's eye twitched.

"You can't keep me imprisoned," said Rosalina.

"Oh? And why not?" asked Bowser.

Rosalina disappeared and reappeared outside the cell.

"Did your lackey inform you that I can teleport?"

Bowser narrowed his eyes at Kamek.

"Don't worry, King Bowser! I'll take care of this!"

Kamek held up his wand, but Rosalina levitated it out of his hand.

"Without this, you're powerless."

She tossed it out the window.

"My wand!" Kamek cried as he jumped after it.

Rosalina took the opportunity to fly out the window and make her escape.

"Bye!" called Lemmy.

Bowser merely stared at the window, an uncertain look on his face.

Rosalina was flying at top speed when a spell narrowly missed her. Kamek was gaining on her, having reclaimed his wand. Rosalina trapped him in a bubble again, and Kamek teleported free again. Reacting quickly, she spun around and levitated a green bob-omb inches away from her face.

"I'm not falling for that again."

She returned it to the sender. Contaminated by the explosion, Kamek gradually lost altitude until he crash landed, unconscious.

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile, in space<em>...

"Well, Luco, you did a decent job," said Polari. "You did cause some water damage, and the other lumas told me you couldn't tell a story to save your life, but everything's still in order."

"Thanks. I'm a bit surprised myself. Deep down, I was expecting a series of disasters to happen over the course of three days, leaving the place in ruins by the time Mama got back. But I didn't count on the fact that you wouldn't be asleep for that long," said Luco.

"Thankfully, there's been no actual harm done. I'm going to bake some star bit cookies for everyone."

Polari floated away.

_"That would've been kind of funny, though..."_ thought Luco.

* * *

><p>Peach was reading the paper when the doorbell rang. She answered and it was Rosalina.<p>

"Rosalina! I... Oh, my goodness, you look hurt. Are you alright?"

"Don't worry. I assure you, I'm fine. May I use your shower?"

"Sure, come right in."

Rosalina made her way to the bathroom and started the water, but before she took her clothes off, she heard a faint giggle. Suspicious, she examined the room until the saw the mirror. She turned around and produced a force field bubble. The boo inside became visible.

"And just what do you think you're doing?" she asked calmly but sternly.

"Um... I was, um..."

"Go. This is no place for you to be lurking."

"But how did you know I was here?"

"Boos' reflections can always be seen, even if they're invisible."

After the boo left, Rosalina cleaned herself. As soon as she finished, she told Peach why she was on the planet again.

"They wanted you to take some time off, huh? Why don't we pay Daisy a visit? She was very sick last time I saw her."

"I know. I paid her a visit yesterday. I hope she's feeling better now."

They both stepped outside, only for Bowser to come crashing down right in front of them.

"So, you finally decided to show your face, eh Princess? Now that I've finally got you right where I want you-"

Bowser noticed Rosalina just then, resulting in a long pause.

"...You know what? Forget about it. I'll kidnap you some other time."

He put his hands behind his head and walked away.

"That was weird," said Peach.

_"So I did make an impression on him after all..."_ thought Rosalina.

When Peach and Rosalina made it to Daisy's house, it turned out that she was feelings better than yesterday, but her sickness wasn't quite gone. She had an idea for an activity, but it would have to wait until the next day. In the meantime, Peach and Rosalina played tennis (something that was new to the latter) and watched a _Lord of the Coins_ marathon.

At nightfall, Bowser was standing on the roof of his castle, gazing at the stars.

_"Maybe she was right. Maybe I could use some help raising the kids. But then again, it's not MY fault I'm a single parent..."_

"Dad, can we talk?"

Bowser recognized his voice.

"Yes, Ludwig, we can."

Ludwig stood next to him.

"How come you like Junior better than the rest of us?"

Bowser wanted to deny that, but he didn't.

"I _treat_ Junior better because he's just like me when I was his age, right down to looks. It's like he's the embodiment of all my pride and joy."

There was a moment of silence.

"Do you want to be evil, Ludwig?" Bowser asked.

"Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?"

"Considering Lemmy, I can't help but wonder if you're all really into this. I guess you're accounted for, and I know Junior is, but the rest of you I'm not sure about."

"Oh, we're definitely evil."

It was Larry speaking this time. Accompanying him were Iggy and Lemmy.

"And I speak for all of us... except Lemmy."

Bowser smiled.

"You kids do your old man a favor and remember something: you're always free to do whatever you want."

"Cool! Does that mean I can go join a circus?"

"...When you're grown up, Lemmy. You can go join a circus when you're grown up."

"I'm glad you've all reached an understanding."

This was _Rosalina_ speaking. She was slowly descending onto the roof.

"Rosalina," said Ludwig. "I shouldn't have ratted you out. I'm sor... soz... sorrooz... Apologetic. I'm apologetic."

"Don't linger on it. If you hadn't done that, this wouldn't have worked out the way it did."

"Yeah, yeah, sure... See ya at the next kart tournament, or whatever..." Bowser mumbled. Rosalina giggled.

"Bye, Rosalina," said Larry, jumping on her. Since he was bigger than she was, she collapsed in a heap.

"Yeah, bye, Rose-person!" said Lemmy, dog-piling them.

"Oh, yeah! Hot koopa-and-human action!" cheered Iggy.

"Shut up, Iggy!" Larry yelled as Rosalina got to her feet.

"Farewell," she said. She transformed into a ball of blue light and flew away, leaving behind a trail of twinkling stardust.

* * *

><p>ROSALINA'S VACATION: DAY 3<p>

Rosalina was lying on a lounge chair wearing sunglasses and a one-piece swimsuit, next to the pool that Peach and Daisy were swimming in. They were at Blooper Water Park, which had recently finished repairs after it had burned down a year earlier in a freak accident. She took a sip of her mushroom shake.

_"This has been a good vacation," _she thought.


	14. Ghost Pets

**Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the fourth installment of the Luigi series! As usual, please read the previous installments if you haven't done so already.**

**This one isn't very long, but it sets up future events. You'll see what I mean.**

Luigi was watching the news in his bedroom.

"Breaking news! A pianta on Isle Delfino has accidentally lit his rucksack on fire! He's running back and forth on the beach in panic! We are currently waiting on the authorities to arrive with a bucket of water- Wait, why doesn't he just run into the ocean…?"

Just then, Luigi's Game Boy Horror went off. Naturally, it was E. Gadd calling.

"Luigi! Suku suku! Yapo yapo!"

"Why do you feel the need to do that?"

"Just come over to my lab! I have a surprise for you! And bring Melody!"

Luigi did just that.

"Now that you're both here, I have a special announcement to make. Ever since the destruction of my Resurrectionator, I've been working on a new prototype that won't overheat and explode from the sheer amount of energy if uses. It still hasn't been perfected yet, but I did manage to make some progress with my test subjects."

"Test subjects?" asked Luigi.

"_Some_ progress?" asked Melody.

"Luigi, you may recall encountering various minor ghosts in King Boo's mansion. Well, I was able to recover a couple of specimens to run some tests on."

E. Gadd led them to two glass enclosures. One of them contained a purple ghost mouse, and the other contained a yellow ghost bat.

"They don't look any different…" said Luigi.

"That would appear to be the case, but it isn't. Even though they're still technically ghosts, they've lost their ability to pass through objects as well as their aversion to light. They're also no longer able to become transparent or invisible. All that's been retained is their appearance and, according to my readings, their ghostly aura."

"So… They've only been semi-resurrected, then?" asked Melody.

"In a way, yes."

"What're you going to do with them now?" asked Luigi.

"Good question. So far, I've done just about all I can do with these two. I could simply release them, but I might need them for further testing in the future."

"Let's keep them as pets!" said Melody.

"Wha-?" Luigi stumbled.

"Having pets is lovely! My music sheets used to be like pets to me, but with me being revived and all, that's out of the question."

"But they're a bat and a mouse!"

"But they're also ghosts! They won't die, we won't have to feed them, and most importantly, we won't have to clean up after them!"

"Is that all true, E. Gadd?"

"Yes, it's all true."

Luigi sighed.

"Alright, we can keep them. But they're your responsibility."

"Yay!"

* * *

><p><em>Inside Melody's room…<em>

Melody released both her spectral animals. The bat flew to the ceiling and hung there while the mouse scurried about, squeaking. Eventually, it made its way up the wall.

"I see you haven't lost that ability," said Melody in amusement.

She spent the rest of the day playing with her new pets. Or, at least she played with the mouse; the bat pretty much just hanged there the whole time.

Eventually, it was time for her to go to bed. Ghosts don't need to sleep, so while Melody was out, the mouse continuously scurried laps across the floor, up the wall, across the ceiling and down the other wall. Apparently, this was its version of running on a wheel. The bat watched it. Nothing else happened, until suddenly, the bat became transparent. It looked at itself and became opaque again.

* * *

><p><em>That morning…<em>

"Good morning," Melody said to the bat that was still in the same spot.

"Good morning," Melody also said to the mouse that was… nowhere to be seen.

"Mouse? Where are you?"

Melody got out of bed and looked around, but there was no sign of the mouse… until she saw it on the floor in plain sight.

"How'd you get there all of a sudden?"

She picked it up and it became transparent. Surprised, she looked at the bat. It too was transparent now.

"I thought the Professor said you two can't turn transparent anymore…?"

The mouse passed through her hand and fell to the floor.

"Hey! You shouldn't be able to do that!"

The mouse scurried off and passed through the wall.

"…Uh-oh."

A scream sounding like that of a little girl's could be heard. Melody and the bat looked at each other. The bat blinked.

Luigi and Melody busted into the hallway at the same time. The bat was clinging to her head.

"How'd the mouse get in my room?" he asked.

"Their powers are back!" she exclaimed.

The mouse passed through Luigi's door and hustled down the hall. Luigi pulled out his Game Boy Horror.

"What is it, Luigi?" asked E. Gadd.

"The ghost animals have returned to normal!"

"They have? Hmph… I guess I haven't made as much progress as I thought."

"Yeah! They're see-through, and the mouse is passing through walls!"

"But they're not disappearing in the light?"

Luigi paused. He hadn't even noticed.

"Well, that's good news for me since that means my prototype has some lasting effect. As for your ghost problem, come to my lab. I have something that can help."

Once at the lab, E. Gadd handed Luigi a handheld vacuum.

"This is a smaller version of the Poltergust. I call it the Poltergust Mini. Use it the capture the mouse and... um..."

E. Gadd looked at the bat on Melody's head.

"That bat seems to be well behaved," he commented.

"Yeah, it obviously doesn't need capturing. Let's just get the mouse," said Melody.

"I don't even know where to start looking, though. It could be anywhere."

"Ghost mice are attracted to cheese," said E. Gadd.

There was a pause.

"If they're attracted to cheese, then that means..."

Luigi bolted out of the lab. Melody chased after him.

* * *

><p><em>In the kitchen...<em>

"MY CHEESE!" Luigi cried before his open fridge. All of his cheese had been eaten.

"It's just cheese, ragamuffin! We know the mouse was here, so let's get searching!"

The bat took off and flew into a cupboard. Seconds later, the mouse came sprinting out.

"There it is! Get it!"

Luigi tried to suck it up, but the mouse used its speed to evade him, eventually passing through a wall again.

"This could be difficult..." Melody lamented as the bat reassumed its position on her head.

"Wait, I just remembered something. I think I know where it might be headed."

_In the butler's room..._

"Melody, the ghost that lived in the old mansion's version of this room had quite a thing for you."

"A-Are you talking about Shivers?" Melody stammered.

"Yeah, that guy. He said you wouldn't give him the time of day. Why is that?"

"Because that freak was over 70! I'm only 26! Isn't that pedophilia, or something?" She shivered with disgust.

"But ghosts don't age, so did it really make a difference at the time?"

"We're not talking about this!"

Melody crossed her arms and looked away, sticking out her lower lip. The bat made a sound akin to a chuckle.

"...Why are we in here, anyway?"

"The old mansion had a mouse hole right about... there. Ghost mice were popping in and out, so I think our mouse may have come to this one for refuge."

"I know E. Gadd wanted this mansion to be a replica, but was including the mouse hole really necessary?"

The mouse emerged from the hole, but retreated just as Luigi tried sucking it up.

"Rats!" said Luigi.

"You mean Mice," said Melody.

The bat flew through the wall and came back with the mouse in its not-so-visible mouth.

"It did it!" said Melody.

"Of course! The only thing a ghost can't phase through it the grip of another ghost!" said Luigi.

"E. Gadd's technology, too," Melody remarked.

The bat dropped the mouse and Luigi sucked it up in midair.

"Good work, Clef," Melody said to the bat.

"Clef?"

"Yup. That's its name now."

* * *

><p>"Good work, Luigi," said E. Gadd.<p>

"I'll just keep the ghost mouse here in the lab. Maybe now you can deal with the real mice in the mans-"

"SHHHHH!" went Luigi. It was too late, though.

"YOU HAVE _REAL MICE_ IN THAT MANSION?" Melody roared.

"J-Just in the basement!"

Melody facepalmed.

"At least they don't pass through walls," Luigi shrugged.

The pianist left in a huff.

"Luigi," E. Gadd started.

"I've been thinking about something you said back when we revived Melody. You resented the fact that the ghosts are trapped inside paintings. You're also aware that I can now remove ghosts from portraits without losing the actual image."

"Yeah?"

"Well, I've decided that if you really want to, we can set all those ghosts free. Not those like Bogmire and Boolossus, of course, but the normal ones."

"I'd like that, but I'm afraid some of them will come after me. Heck, the first thing Melody did when we released her was attack me."

"What do you want to do, then?"

"...Let's release a harmless ghost for now."

* * *

><p><em>That night...<em>

Melody was in her room. Clef was hanging from the ceiling.

"Good night, Clef."

She went to sleep. But then something out of the ordinary happened. A ghost floated into her room. It was none other than Shivers!

"At last! I am reunited with you, the beautiful Melody! But how is it that you are alive?"

Clef shrieked and spread his wings.

"What the...?"

Clef attacked Shivers.

"GAH! BAT! BAT! BAT!"

Shivers floated around wildly as Clef continued to attack him in a frenzy, until he finally fled the room. Clef returned to the ceiling.

"Muh... What's going on?" Melody asked, waking up. Clef stared at her.

"Must've been a dream," she yawned before falling back to sleep. Clef winked.

**To be continued! Not next chapter, though.**


	15. Larceny Loving

One night, Bandit- yes, _that_ Bandit- was sneaking around. This time, his goal was to go big or not go at all: he was going to steal from a castle.

It wasn't Peach's castle he was breaking into, though. It was Wario's.

Not wanting to repeat the mistakes he made before, he brought laser technology to deal with the window, assuming that not even the most sensitive alarm would be triggered by what was essentially burning light.

He fired the laser and started to draw a circle on the glass. Halfway through, the window blew to pieces. Bandit flinched, but no alarm went off. Shrugging, he entered the castle. The room had some valuable-looking statues and trophies, so he stuffed them into his bag and continued to the foyer. Inside, he saw a doorway that must've led to the basement and walked into it.

The castle's basement was a gold mine. Literally. Just a tunnel's way down was a sea of gold coins, jewels and the occasional garlic head.

The only problem was the sleeping chain chomp separating him from the riches. His last experience with a chain chomp wasn't exactly pleasant, so he came with a backup plan just in case.

He whistled very loudly. The chain chomp woke up and immediately charged at him.

"This should keep him busy!"

Bandit pulled out a steak and tossed it at the chomp. It ate it in less than a second and continued charging.

"Hmm… I guess I didn't think that one through…"

Bandit quickly climbed one of the wooden support beams, just narrowly avoiding the chomp's jaws. He landed behind it and grabbed the chain.

"Plan B! Tie the chain to a support beam!"

Bandit tugged the chain. The chomp tugged back and sent him flying into a wall.

"Didn't think that one through either…"

The chomp turned around. Thinking fast, he snatched a rock and lobbed it into the chomp's eye. It roared with pain and tackled the wall, causing part of the ceiling to cave in and close it off from Bandit.

"That worked nicely!"

Bandit took his sweet time looting as much gold, jewelry and garlic as he could. He obviously couldn't fit it all in his bag, so he decided to carry everything he could and come back for more later.

"There once was a bandit who found a cave, doo-dah, doo-dah, and in the cave was a mountain of gold, doe, doo-dah day, so then the bandit-"

He walked smack into a pile of boulders. What he had failed to realize was that the rocks separating him from the chomp were also preventing him from leaving.

"Oh, that's just great! The one night I hit the jackpot and I wind up trapped in a cave!"

Bandit was about to slam his sack to the ground when he remembered something.

"Wait, what am I giving up for? I still have my gear!"

Bandit took out a bunch of wind-up bob-ombs and piled them next to the boulders. He then wound up his last bob-omb and sent it marching to the others.

"This will get me out of here for sure!"

The combined explosion was so powerful that it destroyed not only the boulders, but also the adjacent walls. The entire ceiling collapsed and created and even bigger barrier than the one he had just destroyed.

"FFFFFFFFFFFF-!"

_Upstairs…_

"What the heck is going on down there?" Wario yelled, running down the stairs. The chain chomp came yelping out of the basement and fled through (not out, through) the front doorway. Confused, Wario went to investigate.

"Agh! What's with all these rocks?"

Wario punched the rocks to pieces one by one until the path was clear. Then he saw Bandit.

"Whoa!"

"What do ya think you're doin' down here?"

"Uh... nothing!"

"Oh, yeah? Than what's with the sack?"

"I'm Santa Claus! Ho ho ho!"

"You're awfully skinny to be Santa!"

"I got a liposuction."

Wario threw a leftover boulder at Bandit, but he easily dodged it and sprinted past Wario, eventually making his way out of the castle.

"Well, that was easy."

That's when he heard an engine roaring. He looked back and saw Wario riding his motorcycle after him.

"Go fetch!" Bandit commanded as he tossed a coin behind him.

"I'm not falling for that!" Wario growled.

"Go fetch!" Bandit commanded again as he tossed a garlic head behind him.

"My garlic!" Wario yelped as he brought his motorcycle to a stop.

"Sucker!"

* * *

><p><em>At the night club...<em>

Bandit was sitting next to a Bandette dressed in green.

"I have a present for you, babe."

Bandit reached into his sack and pulled out some garlic.

"What the-?"

"Whoops!"

Bandit shoved the garlic back into the sack and pulled out a ruby.

"Oh, Bandit, it's gorgeous. Say, would you mind closing your eyes for a sec?"

"Why?"

"I have a present for you, too," she said, winking.

Excited, Bandit closed his eyes, but nothing happened.

"Babe?"

He opened his eyes to see the Bandette running off with his sack.

"Hey, my sack! Whaddya doing?"

"I'm a bandit too! What did you expect?"

Bandette made her way outside, only to be confronted by someone on a motorcycle.

"There you are! Thought you could get away, did ya?"

"Who the heck are you?"

Wario sprang off his hog and ground-pounded the Bandette, flattening her.

"Nobody steals my garlic! Or my riches! But especially not my garlic!"

Wario rode away with the bag just as Bandit came outside.

"Help... Me..."

"Sorry, but you were _flat-out_ wrong about stealing from a thief," he said as he walked away.

* * *

><p>Having lost his loot, Bandit moved on to another castle. This time, it was Peach's.<p>

After avoiding the guard toads, Bandit found the stained glass window and smashed it open, figuring that nobody puts alarms on those. Once inside, he stuffed as many valuables into his spare sack as he could and exited through the front door...

...Only to have a flashlight pointed at him.

"Busted!"

It was none other than the Toad Brigade, lead by the Captain.

_"Oh, no! These guys are the Princess's highest ranking guards! I'm in trouble now!"_

"Initiate Plan Alpha!"

The Captain pulled out a blooper gun and squirted some ink, but instead of hitting Bandit's face like it was supposed to, it landed right in front of him. Banktoad fired a starbit at Bandit, but it missed and richocheted off the building, hitting Blue and knocking his glasses off.

"My glasses! I can't see!"

Blue stumbled into Mailtoad just as he was about to throw a net, causing them to fall and get tangled in it. Banktoad rushed to free them, but he tripped over Blue's glasses and fell into the moat. The Captain charged at Bandit, but slipped on the ink and slid into a wall. Yellow collapsed and fell asleep.

Bandit had pretty much just stood there the whole time.

"Hahaha! Man, you guys are lame! No wonder the Princess gets kidnapped every week!" he taunted.

"I told you I should've made the plan," said Blue.

"Oh, shut up," said the Captain.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to get goi- HEY!"

While Bandit's guard was down, a rabbit pulled the bag right out of his hand. He gave chase to it, but Yellow rolled into his path, causing him to trip.

"Come back here with my loot!"

"Finders keepers!"

Bandit got to his feet and chased the rabbit in circles. In a nearby tree, Hoot the Owl was, well, hooting when he saw the commotion.

"Hot diggity!" he exclaimed when he saw the rabbit.

"Drop that bag!"

"Never!"

Just then, Hoot snagged the rabbit and flew away.

"Release me, bird!"

"I might have to. You're heavy."

"Don't be rude."

Bandit reclaimed his sack, only to have it taken away again by the Captain.

"This belong to the Princess," he said.

"It's mine now," said Bandit, taking it back.

"Give it back," said the Captain, pulling it.

"In your dreams," Bandit growled, pulling it back.

Finally, the bag ripped. Its contents spilled everywhere.

"The Princess's jewelry!" cried the Captain.

"Her sports trophies!" cried Banktoad.

"Her fine china!" cried Mailtoad.

"Zzzzz!" cried Yellow.

"Her... bra? Why'd you take her bra?" asked Blue.

"Um... I can explain."

"We don't need any explanations! We've foiled you, so just go," said the Captain.

"No, you haven't. I can still carry stuff with my hands."

A bunch of little mousers appeared. Each one stole a different piece of loot and scurried off.

"We should really get those exterminated," said Blue.

"...I hate you people," said Bandit.

* * *

><p><em>At the night club...<em>

"This is going terribly. I still haven't stolen a single thing and gotten away with it," he grumbled, sitting at a table.

"What's the matter, chum? Having a bad night?" asked a purple bandit.

"Yeah. I robbed two castles today, but I ended up losing my loot."

"Maybe you should go for something smaller. Like the fruit stand outside."

"No bandit ever made a name for himself by stealing fruit."

"True, but you'll at least have the satisfaction that you stole something."

"Eh, I guess you're right. Thanks for the tip."

Bandit went outside and saw the fruit stand. A female pianta was using it to sell mangoes. Quietly, he crept up to the stand, snatched a mango and hustled behind the corner of the block. He scarfed it down and came back into sight.

"YES, FINALLY! I, THE UNDERDOG, HAVE STOLEN SOMETHING WITHOUT IT BACKFIRING OR GETTING LOST! THERE'S NO WAY ANYTHING COULD GO WRONG NOW, BECAUSE I'VE ALREADY EATEN THE MANGO!"

"Mango?" asked the pianta.

"YES! I STOLE ONE OF YOUR MANGOES! AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!" he teased, dangling the mango core for her to see.

"Oh, these are free samples."

"Wh-What?"

"I'm a representative of Mango Mart. In order to promote the company, I'm giving away some of our home-grown mangoes for free. So you technically didn't steal anything."

"... ... ..."

Without saying a single word, Bandit went back into the night club and walked up to the purple bandit.

"So how'd it go?"

Bandit threw the core in his face.


	16. Daisy vs Ludwig

Bowser, frustrated by his recent defeat at the hands of Raccoon Mario, decided to go on another vacation to Isle Delfino. His children were left to their own devices.

"What happened while I was vandalizing Mushroom City?" asked Bowser Jr. as he walked into the castle.

"That Mario thwarted us again!" Larry hissed.

"Rats," said Junior.

"While he's gone, let's take over the Mushroom Kingdom ourselves," said Ludwig.

"Now?" asked Roy.

"Yes, now. I've devised a plan that'll ensure our victory."

"Can't we take a break first?" grumbled Morton.

"Absolutely not! We've got to strike when Mario least expects it!"

"So what's this plan of yours?" asked Roy.

Ludwig explained his plan to everyone.

"Hmm... I like the sound of that," said Roy.

"It's so fiendish!" said Iggy.

"It's better than anything Dad's ever thought of," said Wendy.

"Precisely! Now everyone listen up. This is what we're going to do first..."

* * *

><p>"Step 1: Kidnap Mario instead of Peach," said Ludwig.<p>

Mario was walking down a path when he saw Roy, disguised as a pasta vendor.

"Excuse me, Sir, would you like some pasta? I'm giving it away for free to celebrate my uncle's marriage," said Roy.

Mario's grinned as he gorged himself on Roy's pasta. He ate so much that when he was finished, he could barely move.

Roy ripped off his costume.

"I can't believe that worked. If I knew it'd be this easy, I would've just asked if you wanted to ride in my sack," Roy taunted before shoving Mario into said sack.

* * *

><p>"Step 2: Kidnap Peach anyway so she can't come to his rescue."<p>

Peach answered her doorbell. It was Iggy.

"Already?" she asked.

"Yeah," said Iggy.

Peach sighed. Iggy grabbed her and took her away.

* * *

><p>"Step 3: Kidnap the rest of Mario's friends for the same reason."<p>

Bowser Jr.- disguised as Shadow Mario- knocked on the door to Luigi's Mansion. When Luigi answered it...

"Look, Bro! I found a new power-up!" said Shadow Mario.

"You did? What does it do?"

"See for yourself," he said, handing Luigi a mushroom that was also blue and transparent. Luigi ate it and passed out.

Yoshi was eating fruit from a basket when Lemmy walked up to him.

"Betcha can't eat this," he said, showing him his ball.

Yoshi accepted the challenge and ate the ball. It inflated inside him, causing him to blow up like a balloon. Lemmy jumped on top and rolled him back to the castle.

The Toad Brigade was searching the castle grounds wondering where Peach was, when suddenly, Morton came crashing into the ground. While they were stunned by the impact, Wendy appeared and bound them all with glowing rings.

* * *

><p>"What's next?" asked Larry.<p>

"We prepare our defense" Ludwig.

"What for? We've captured everyone", said Junior.

"Experience tells me that there's always one person who gets overlooked, and it's that one person who always ends up saving the day. When Dad kidnapped Mario and Luigi, it was Peach who came to their rescue. I'll bet you Mario has a friend we don't know about that's going to try to stop us. Thankfully, I've thought ahead."

Ludwig turned to Iggy.

"You and your chain chomp stand guard outside. I'm going to go set the perfect trap."

* * *

><p>Daisy was standing outside Peach's castle.<p>

"That's odd. Why isn't she answering the door? She never leaves without notice."

"Thank goodness you're here!" cried Toadsworth, crawling out of the bushes.

"What happened?"

"We noticed that Peach was nowhere to be found, so the Toad Brigade went looking for her. Then these awful koopas appeared and kidnapped them all! I saw it with my own eyes!"

"Sounds like Bowser's up to no good again."

"I tried contacting Mario and Luigi, but to no avail! I think something happened to them, too!"

"You mean everyone's gone?"

"Possibly, yes!"

Daisy shoved her fist into her palm.

"Don't worry. I'll handle this."

Daisy made her way to Bowser's Castle, but surprisingly, she was met with no opposition. That is, until she reached the front doorway.

"I know you have my friends in there! Let them go, or else!" she warned Iggy.

"Whoa, Ludwig was right! We did miss someone! Eh, it doesn't matter. You're just a little princess!"

"Don't underestimate my power."

"Sic her, boy!"

The chain chomp charged at Daisy. She leapt to the side and grabbed it by the chain, then started swinging it around.

"Eep!" went Iggy.

Daisy chucked the growling beast directly into Iggy. They both crashed through the double doors.

While Iggy and the chomp were lying dazed in a heap, Daisy infiltrated the castle. There were still no minions to be seen, and eventually, she reached a door with Bowser's insignia on it. Once inside, she found herself standing on a bridge. The wall closed behind her.

"So nice of you to join me," said a voice.

"Show yourself, Bowser!"

"Oh, I'm not Bowser."

A large figure dropped down onto the bridge. It wasn't Bowser, but a Bowser mecha.

"I'm Ludwig! Oldest koopaling and your worst nightmare!" he gloated from inside the machine's head.

The mecha opened its mouth and shot a fireball at Daisy. She avoided it.

"You can dodge, but you can't hide."

More fireballs were shot, but Daisy dodged every last one of them. She looked between the mecha's legs and saw a switch behind the bridge.

_"You your daddy's son alright," _she thought.

"Stop shooting fireballs. You'll never hit me with one," she told Ludwig.

"Very well, then."

Ludwig pressed a button on the control panel. The mecha jumped high into the air in an attempt to crush Daisy, but she ran underneath it.

"Bingo!"

She pressed the switch, but the bridge wasn't destroyed.

"Huh?"

The switch exploded underneath her, sending her flying .

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't make the same mistakes as my father," Ludwig snickered as Daisy tumbled before the mecha's feet.

Daisy laid there, still. Ludwig disengaged the mecha to put her with the other prisoners, but at the very last second, she kicked him and fled to where the switch was.

"I'll admit, that was a bold move. But you're just delaying the inevitable. You have no place to go and nothing to fall back on."

Daisy looked down and saw that the edge of the bridge had been damaged, probably by the explosion.

"Wrong!"

Daisy ground-pounded the spot where the bridge met the concrete. The force caused it to break off and collapse, sending Ludwig and the mecha plummeting. There was a loud crash.

"How can Mario stand to do that so much?" she pondered, rubbing her butt.

"That was very resourceful," Ludwig complimented.

Daisy's hair stood on end when she heard his voice. He was flutter-jumping his way back up.

"But seriously, you really do have no place to go."

He landed in front of her.

"Make things easier for yourself and give up."

Daisy tackled Ludwig, sending them both falling into the abyss.

"Agh! Have you gone crazy?"

"No. I'm just improvising," she said, grabbing his tail.

Ludwig tried to flutter-jump, but due to Daisy's extra weight, all he could do was slow down their fall. Soon, they landed on the castle's floor.

"Thanks for being my parachute!" Daisy teased as she ran away.

Ludwig shot a fireball at her, but missed. He pulled out a megaphone.

"Attention, everyone! A crazed flower girl is loose in the castle! This is not a drill!"

* * *

><p>Daisy made her way through the castle, checking every room in her search for her friends. Eventually, she found what appeared to be an inventory full of power ups. There were fire flowers, ice flowers, boomerang flowers, cloud flowers, floricide flowers, and...<p>

...Something different.

"What's this?" she asked, picking up a flower shaped like a lighting bolt.

A squad of koopas came across the door.

"She's in here, guys!"

They flooded into the room, only to be blasted out by electricity. As they twitched on the floor, Daisy emerged. Her dress was now yellow with brown highlights, and her earrings were lightning bolts.

"Let's do this!"

More koopas and goombas appeared, but she easily defeated them with another blast. A chargin' chuck managed to grab her from behind, but he was promptly electrocuted on contact. An electrokoopa launched its shell at her, but she caught it, supercharged it with her own energy and sent it back. The electrokoopa was fried like an egg.

All that was left standing was a single goomba. Daisy sparked.

"They're down the hall to the left!" he blurted, hiding under a pile of unconscious guards.

Daisy went to that exact location and kicked the door open. No more than a second later, she was gripped by a metal clawshot. The koopalings were inside, flying in a clown car, and Ludwig was holding the clawshot.

"Right on schedule," he said.

Behind them were all the prisoners, hanging in suspended cages.

"This has been fun and all, but we, the Koopa Troop, are victorious. Quite a shocker, isn't it?"

Daisy unleashed a surge of electricity that traveled from the chain to Ludwig, shocking him.

"Impossible..." he muttered, paralyzed.

Daisy charged up a ball of electricity and hurled it at the propellor, destroying it. The clown car came crashing down and the koopalings spilled out.

"Yeah! Go Daisy!" Luigi cheered.

Ludwig got to his feet.

"You've messed with the wrong princess!"

Daisy fired a miniature lightning bolt at Ludwig. Thinking fast, he snatched Lemmy's ball and blocked the attack completely.

"Too bad rubber doesn't conduct electricity."

"Uh, can I have that back?"

"Not now."

Daisy ran in place, building up as much static energy as she could, then let loose with bright, blue comet of pure electrical fury. Ludwig shielded himself with the ball again, but the attack flew clean over his head.

"Ha! You missed! Not that it would've mattered, anyhow."

"I wasn't aiming for you."

The comet hit the chain holding Mario's cage, breaking it. The cage fell and shattered upon hitting the floor, releasing him. He proceeded to free Luigi.

"Stop them!" Ludwig ordered.

The koopalings fired away with their wands, but the Mario bros. dodged every projectile, and Daisy's continued barrage of electric attacks made it difficult for them to focus. Soon, the bros. succeeded in freeing everyone. And when they did...

"Charge!" the Brigade Captain cried as he backed away.

Mario punched Roy, Luigi kicked Larry, Junior breathed fire at Yoshi, the chain chomp chased Blue, Mailtoad hit Morton's foot with his picket, Banktoad pelted Wendy with starbits, and Lemmy had a tea party with Peach.

"You're mine!" Iggy said as he closed in on Yellow, who was sleeping. He yawned, fogging up Iggy's glasses.

"Aye! I can't see! I can't see!"

Blue hid behind Iggy. The chain chomp came to a screeching halt, wondering where its prey went. Blue tied its chain to Iggy's foot.

"Hey! Fetch!" he said, throwing a ball he had been conveniently carrying around.

The chomp gave chase, dragging Iggy along with it.

"You can't win. Your attacks are useless," said Ludwig. He shot another fireball at Daisy, and she countered with an electric shock.

Then she noticed the chomp chasing after the ball.

"Hey, woof-woof! Why're you chasing after that little thing when you could be sinking your teeth into that?" she asked, pointing at Ludwig's rubber ball.

The chomp's eyes glistened.

"...What're you doing? No! Stop! Bad chomp!"

The chomp bit into the ball, popping it.

"Now look what you di-di-di-di-di-!"

While Ludwig was getting zapped, Mario stomped on Roy's head. Roaring in pain, pink-and-purple koopa got a hold of Mario's leg and slammed him into a wall. He landed next to the Captain.

"Mario! Is there anything I can do to help?"

Mario nodded. He grabbed the Captain and threw him at Roy.

"That's not what I had in mind~!"

The Captain collided with Roy, knocking him on his back. Mario hit him with a ground-pound, finishing him.

Morton had just flattened Mailtoad when he saw Luigi tussling with Larry, and Mario jumping in to help. Morton intercepted him mid-air, pinning him to the ground.

"Not so tough now, huh?"

Blue and the Captain sprang onto Morton's head, covering his eyes.

"Get off me!"

Bowser Jr. wheezed another fireball at Yoshi. This time, the dinosaur swallowed it and spat back the flaming bits. Then he ate him and turned him into an egg.

Yoshi heard screams as Blue and the Captain flew through the air and landed in front of him. Confused, he looked back and saw Morton crushing Mario. He took the Junior-egg and beaned Morton in the head with it. This gave Mario enough leeway to wiggle free, and Daisy arrived to deliver the finishing blow.

Larry got the better of Luigi and sent him hurtling away.

"Ha! Take that, green man! Who else wants some?"

Larry saw that he was surrounded by Mario, Daisy, Yoshi, Blue and the Captain.

"...Oh."

While Larry was getting the crap beaten out of him, Banktoad was still flinging starbits and Wendy.

"How many of those things do you have?"

"A lot! They don't call me Banktoad for nothing!"

Waving her wand, Wendy launched a ring at Banktoad. It deflected every last starbit and struck him successfully.

"Grandma, what horrible rings you have..." he said.

"Grandma? How dare you! I'm gonna-!"

Wendy looked around. Ludwig was sparking and smoldering, Iggy was dazed from getting dragged everywhere, the chomp was busily gnawing on what was left of the ball, Morton was lying face down with a bump on his head, Junior was stuck inside half an eggshell, Roy was KO'd, Larry had been clobbered, and Lemmy was sleepy from eating crumpets.

"Uh... I have to go."

Wendy bolted.

"We win!" cheered the Captain.

"And it's all thanks to you!" Luigi congratulated Daisy. He hugged her, only to get shocked.

"Whoops, sorry about that," she apologized. Luigi laughed nervously.

"Come on, let's get out of here," said Daisy.

They all started to leave.

"Goodbye, Lemmy. See you soon," said Peach.

"I probably will be seeing you soon," said Lemmy.

"Oh, yeah..." said Peach.

Once they were gone, Ludwig lifted his head.

"I will have my revenge..." he growled.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Bowser was riding in his own clown car, away from Isle Delfino.<p>

"Ah, that was a nice vacation. It even helped we come up with a brilliant plan to take over the Mushroom Kingdom. Wait until I tell the kids about it!"


	17. Snowbell of the Future Part 1

**Featuring my first human Mario OC!**

_Seventy years into the future..._

Late one "night" in space, Rosalina laid in her bed, eating popcorn as she watched TV. She had a depressed look on her face.

"And now back to Cosmic Comedy!" said the TV.

_"Ladies and gents, please welcome our next comedian, Lubba!"_

Rosalina grimaced.

The curtains parted to reveal Lubba with a microphone.

"Good evening, folks! I know you're all warmed up from that last act, so let's cut to the chase!

"So, a ghost floats into a bar. Bartender asks, what'll you have? Ghost says, I'll have a bottle a _boo_ze! Har har!"

Nobody laughed.

"_Boo_ze! Because a Boo is ghost! C'mon, what's with this _dead _silence? Har har!"

Still nothing.

"Why do fishermen get so much business? Because their prices are so _cheep-cheep!_

"Get off the stage!"

"I'm not on the stage, 'cause I'm floating! Har har!"

The curtains started closing.

"Hey, what's the big idea? I'm not finished yet!"

_"And that was Lubba! He'll be here all week, folks!"_

Rosalina sighed and turned off the TV. Polari floated into the room.

"What's the matter, Rosalina? Was Lubba on TV again?"

"Yes, and his jokes haven't improved at all over the decades. But that's not why I'm upset. It's because..."

"...Of the Blue Planet?"

"...Yes."

"It's a shame to think of what it's become..." he said.

Rosalina closed her eyes and went to sleep. She'd be going back to the planet again tomorrow.

* * *

><p><em>Somewhere, on the Blue Planet...<em>

A 19-year-old girl with cyan eyes and white hair sat alone on a rock, reading an old book. The landscape itself was pale and barren, the only "features" being flaming Chain Chomps and the occasional pool of lava. In fact, the girl was on an island situated in the middle of one.

In a burst of light, Rosalina appeared before her.

"Rosalina! I'm so glad your back! I've finally found the key to the past!" she said, springing to her feet. She was wearing a blue shirt and pants.

"You've discovered how this planet was ruined?" Rosalina asked.

"Well, no. But close! I found this journal in an abandoned house! I think it's an account of what happened!"

"What leads you to believe that, Snowbell?"

"Listen to this," said Snowbell. "A lot of the writing is smudged and faded, but here, it says, 'and we were left with deathly lakes and all-devouring monsters". It must be referring to the lava and the Chomps!"

"What else does it say about the situation?"

"...That's it. From what I can read or interpret, anyway. Only bits and pieces are still readible, but with Elder Troopa's help, I might be able to piece together some clues. Then I'll finally discover what happened."

Rosalina closed her eyes.

"Whatever happened, I wish I were around when it did. I could've stopped it."

Snowbell put a hand on Rosalina's shoulder.

"I know I wasn't around to see what this planet once was, but I'm sorry."

A single tear rolled down Rosalina's cheek.

"This planet has always been very dear to me... It was always different every century, but this... This isn't the kind of difference I ever wanted to see..."

"Rosalina..."

"I'm sorry... I need to be alone right now. I'll speak to you later," she said as she faded away.

Snowbell thought to herself before leaping off the island and into the lava. The molten rock froze beneath her feet as she landed, allowing her to skate over it. She continued to do this over land, her feet producing more ice as she went.

* * *

><p>Snowbell skated up to a bearded Koopa with a purple shell. He wasn't amused.<p>

"What did I tell you about using your powers like that? Somebody could slip on that trail of ice!" he complained.

"Oh, lay off! If everyone watches where they're going, it shouldn't be a problem. I need to ask you about this planet again."

"I told you already, my memory is foggy. I just don't remember what happened exactly."

"Can you tell me what you do remember, then?" Snowbell asked.

"I recall something about elements... A queen... Imbalance... And incessant laughing. That's it."

"Thanks, Elder Troopa," she said before skating away.

"I told you not to do that!" he shouted.

* * *

><p>Snowbell sat before the ocean.<p>

"Maybe if I combine his memories with this journal, I can piece together what happened?"

She opened the journal.

"Let's see... Here it mentions a red glow. Then the text gets all smudgy until it talks about a fleet of something trying to something. After that, it says, 'lead by an evil crowned something'..."

She stopped to think.

"...That's it! Elder Troopa mentioned a queen! And the journal says there was an evil crowned something leading a fleet! The queen was leading the fleet, and I'm betting she's responsible for this! But judging from Rosalina's descriptions of the past, this planet really had a number done on it. How could this queen have caused so much damage...?

Snowbell's musing was interrupted by a loud roar. She spun around and saw a red, steaming Chain Chomp coming straight for her.

"When will they learn?" she quipped before sending an icy mist from her palm. The mist encased the Chomp, causing it to steam even further as its color darkened. After a few seconds of this, it came to a complete stop, panting. Snowbell came closer and put her hands to its body, encasing it in a thin coat of ice. The Chomp turned pearly white and fell asleep.

"Boy, am I happy I was born with these powers. Even if I don't know why."

She focused her attention on the journal again.

"On this page, there's a drawing of a triangle. Each corner has a different symbol, but one of them is crossed out. What do they stand for?"

"Fire, water, and ice," said Elder Troopa from behind her. Snowbell jumped.

"D-Don't sneak up on me like that! And how do you know?"

"I think I've seen that drawing before."

"In the village?"

"No, I'm talking about this exact drawing. I can't shake the feelings I've seen it before, a long time ago. I don't know when and where exactly, but it looks extremely familiar."

He stroked his beard.

"I must've known the person who wrote this journal," he concluded.

"How could you not remember something like that?" she asked.

"Because I'm over 82 years old! I was a whippersnapper back then! You just wait. When you get to be my age, you won't remember half the good old days."

"I wouldn't call them the "good old days", but anyway... Fire, water and ice, huh? Those must've been the elements you mentioned."

"Yes, that much is coming back to me. Something had gone wrong with them."

"What's the one that's been crossed out?"

"That's the element of water."

"So... something bad happened to the element of water? No, no, that can't be right. We wouldn't still have water if that were the case. Or would we? Gah, I'm so confused!"

"Sorry, Snowy, but at this rate, the only way to find out for sure is to go back in time. And that's not possible."

"I wish it was. Then I could learn what happened and save the planet while I was at it."

"Actually, it is possible," said a soft voice.

"Rosalina!" cried Snowbell.

"What do you mean it's possible?" asked Elder Troopa.

"A decade ago, I discovered a star with intense cosmic energy. It has the potential for time travel, but I don't advise using it. "

"Why not?" asked Snowbell.

"The essence of the star is incredibly frail. It'll shatter after use, leaving you stranded in the past."

"That doesn't sound so bad," said Snowbell.

Rosalina's eyes widened a little.

"You don't mind giving up all you have?"

"Well, frankly, I don't have much. My parents are dead, and most of the other villagers are cold and jaded. They resent me because my powers make life easier for me. All I'd really be losing is Elder Troopa..."

"No, you wouldn't be. If you're going, then I'm going too," said Elder Troopa.

"Really?" Snowbell asked.

"Of course! Somebody has to make sure you don't run around freezing the whole world on your quest!"

Snowbell could only force a small laugh.

"Besides, when you're an old geezer like me, you don't have much to lose, either."

"So it's settled! I have nothing to lose! Besides, even if I had everything to lose, wouldn't it be worth it to save the world?"

"Very well," said Rosalina. She waved her wand and summoned the crystal star. Snowbell took it and held one end while Elder Troopa held the other.

"I'm going to send you two back to when I last saw this planet in its better state. The disaster will happen within the month, so be urgent about this."

"Wait, why don't you come back with us?" asked Snowbell.

"I'm afraid that would produce too many temporal issues. There just isn't enough room for two Guardians of the Cosmos in one time period."

There was a brief pause.

"That reminds me: I want you to have this," said Rosalina as she zapped Snowbell with her wand, causing her to glow for a few seconds.

"What was that?" she asked.

"Cosmic energy."

"What for?"

"You'll see. Now farewell."

In a flash of light, they both disappeared.

* * *

><p><em>70 years earlier... (i.e. the present)<em>

When the light cleared, Snowbell and Elder Troopa were in the middle of a grassy field. The star shattered.

"Holy... Monty... Moley..." Snowbell uttered as her jaw dropped. She gazed upon the grass, the flowers and the trees. The past was beautiful.

"Not bad, eh?" remarked Elder Troopa. "Hey, look. Town's in that direction. Maybe we can find some clues there. If only there was a way we could get there that's faster than walking..."

Snowbell smiled. Elder Troopa scowled.

"Fine, but only because she said to be urgent."

Elder Troopa withdrew into his shell and Snowbell picked him up. She then proceeded to skate her way to town. When they finally reached their destination, she put Elder Troop down.

"We're here," she announced.

Elder Troopa came out again. A second later, a Goomba walked by and slipped on the trail of ice Snowbell had left behind.

"See? I told you that would happen sooner or later!" he chastised.

"We're in the past, so I'd say it happened sooner. But look at these buildings. They're so much more refined than the ones in the future."

"We're not here to sight see, Snowbell."

"Right then. Where would you expect to find a queen?"

"In a castle."

Snowbell stared at a castle in the distance.

"This might be easier than I thought."

* * *

><p>They both arrived at the castle grounds.<p>

"See? That window even has an image of a woman wearing a crown, and the journal says the evil fleet leader was crowned!" Snowbell said excitedly.

"Hey, settle down. The last thing you want to do is accuse someone and turn out to be wrong. Let's gather more information before doing anything rash. How do you plan on dealing with the queen, anyhow?"

"I'll freeze her solid and bury her somewhere. I think that'll do it.

Elder Troopa shook his head and rang the doorbell. Peach answered.

"Good afternoon. What may I do for you?" she asked.

"Good afternoon. I'm Elder Troopa."

"And I'm Snowbell. We're here to prevent a cataclysmic event from happening."

"Huh?" Peach uttered, confused. Elder Troopa winced.

"You see, we're from the futu- OOF!"

Elder Troopa elbowed her in the stomach.

"What my friend is trying to say is that we're researchers here to gather information."

"Oh, that's fine. I'm Princess Peach."

"P-Princess?" said Snowbell.

"Why don't you step inside?"

They both did just that. Along the way, Snowbell whispered to Elder Troopa.

"What's the big idea elbowing me like that?"

"What the big idea blabbing that we're from the future? You want people to think we're nutcases?"

"Well, excuse me for being straight with people. Anyway, we have to go."

"Why?"

"She's not a queen, she's a princess. We've come to the wrong place."

"You're not thinking this through. This is an opportunity to gather more clues. Besides, we don't need more innocent folk slipping on your ice."

Snowbell pouted but said nothing.

_"I'm glad I came back with her," _he thought.

They all took a seat in Peach's living room.

"So what kind of information are you looking for?"

Snowbell glanced at Elder Troopa. He narrowed his eyes at her, silently warning her not to say anything stupid.

"...How about information about the elements? Specifically fire, water and ice?"

"Good choice," said Peach. Elder Troopa sighed in relief.

"Fire, water and ice form a triangle. Water douses fire, fire melts ice, and ice freezes water. Together, they form a balance."

"Balance..." Snowbell murmured. She remembered what Elder Troopa had said about imbalance being part of the disaster.

"I know a professor that researches ghosts. According to him, those three elements are each represented by spirits known as elemental ghosts. Whoever wields an elemental medal can harness the power of the respective ghosts."

Snowbell's eyes widened. The word "medal" triggered something within her, though she wasn't sure what or why.

"Ghosts... Ghosts..." Elder Troopa mused.

"That's all I know about the elements. What else?" asked Peach.

"Are there any queens around here?" asked Snowbell.

"Not that I know of. My mother was a queen, but she stepped down a long time ago."

"Then wouldn't that make you a queen?"

"Um... Maybe? I'm not sure how that works, to be honest. Everyone considers me a princess, so..."

"I see..."

"Any other questions?"

Snowbell took a moment to think, but she couldn't think of anymore questions. Except for...

"Where's the bathroom? I have to go."

Elder Troopa facepalmed.

"It's right upstairs, to the left."

Snowbell got up and left.

"So... Seen any good movies lately?" asked Elder Troopa.

Peach blinked.

* * *

><p>"It's all coming together now! The elements were... I mean, <em>are going to be<em> thrown out of balance by this queen person! All i have to do now is find out who she is and how she's going to do it!"

Snowbell was washing her hands when she saw a face in the mirror. She shrieked, and the Boo started laughing hysterically.

"Oh, you think that's funny, huh?"

Snowbell blasted it with an icy wind, freezing it solid.

"Not laughing now, are you?"

Just then, she realized something.

"...Wait."

* * *

><p><em>"Can you tell me what you do remember, then?" Snowbell asked.<em>

_"I recall something about elements... A queen... Imbalance... And incessant laughing." _

* * *

><p>"Elder Troopa, could you come upstairs for a minute?" Snowbell called. Elder Troopa reluctantly did so.<p>

"I need you to tell me if this sounds familiar," she said before smashing the frozen Boo to the floor, freeing it.

"Oh, my gosh! I peed with you in the room! I'm so embarrassed!" she said in the worst acting voice ever. The Boo started to laugh.

Elder Troopa's pupils dilated. Something stirred in his mind.

_"Hahahaha!"_

_"HAHAHAHA!" _

_"**HAHAHAHA!**" _

"BOOS! THEY WERE BOOS!" he cried.

"I sincerely apologize for this."

It was Peach.

"We've had a Boo problem for awhile now. I should've warned you about it. I've been meaning to call a friend of mine to get rid of it."

"Don't worry, I've got this."

She froze it solid again.

"Whoa!" said Peach.

"You think that's impressive? Check this out."

Snowbell shoved her foot into the toilet, but instead of splashing, the water froze solid beneath the sole of her shoe.

"Pretty _cool_, huh?"

"Kind of gross, but yeah, very cool! You wouldn't happen to have picked up an ice flower, would you?"

"Nope. It's all me."

"That's amazing!"

_"Heh, it's nice that see someone impressed by my powers. Everyone in the future was jealous of them. Er, will be jealous of them. Would've been jealous of them? I dunno."_

"We have to go," said Elder Troopa.

"But-"

Elder Troopa grabbed her by the arm and pulled her away.

"I wonder if I could sell you as an ice sculpture?" Peach said as she picked up the frozen Boo.

* * *

><p>"Look, I know you're mad at me for showing off my powers, but-"<p>

"No, it's not that. Hearing that laugh unlocked something in my head."

"So that was the incessant laughing, then?"

"Yes, the laughter of Boos. It's all coming back to me now. Hundreds of them filled the sky, attacking everything in sight. They were led by..."

"By who?"

"...Queen Boo."

"THAT'S why Peach doesn't know about her! She's a ghost! But how do the elements getting thrown out of balance factor into this? And what about that red glow you mentioned?"

"I still can't remember those parts."

"Darn. I wish this journal wasn't so smudgy."

"May I see that?"

She handed it to him. He looked it over.

"...Yup. That's it. That's why this journal seemed so familiar," he said.

"What are you talking about?" Snowbell asked.

Elder Troopa turned to face her.

"I'm the one who wrote this journal."

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	18. Snowbell of the Future Part 2

Elder Troopa looked at the journal again.

"I started writing this journal the morning after Queen Boo attacked and disappeared."

"Disappeared?" asked Snowbell.

"For some reason, Queen Boo vanished and her army dispersed the same night they attacked. The Boos that weren't involved said they had no idea what happened. From that point on, most of the plants and mushrooms withered and died, and bodies of water were replaced with lava. As you know, all we're left with in the future is the ocean and the occasional pond. Days after the attack, some sort of Shaman announced that the elements had been disrupted, and that one of them had gained a disproportionate amount of power."

"...Fire! I understand now! That's why you crossed water off your element chart!"

"Yes..."

"Water controls fire, so if you remove it, there's nothing to keep fire in check, and it becomes the dominant element! The water spirits must've been destroyed, leaving the fire spirits with a disproportionate amount of power! That's why the future is so dry and fiery! But why would Queen Boo destroy the water spirits, and how?"

"Slow down. We need to validate your theory first. If we come to an incorrect conclusion, it could cost us the mission."

"Right... What we need is an expert on ghosts..."

"Did you say you need an expert on ghosts?" said a nearby Toad. "I know someone."

* * *

><p>"You want to know what would happen if an element's ghosts were destroyed?" asked E. Gadd.<p>

"That's right," said Snowbell.

"Well, you have to consider the nature of elemental ghosts. Ghosts don't die, so this scenario is impossible."

_"So she must have dealt with the water spirits some other way..." _she thought.

"What about the elemental medals? We heard that whoever wields them can harness the power of these ghosts," said Elder Troopa.

"That's correct. I actually have them right here."

E. Gadd accessed his vault and pulled out the three medals. When Snowbell saw the ice medal, her head rang. She felt as though it was calling to her. Elder Troopa had a similar reaction, but it was giving him more of a sense of deja vu.

"You can use the medals to expose the spirits. Observe."

He demonstrated by holding the fire medal to a candle. A fire ghost emerged from the flame. He repeated this with the water medal and a glass of the water.

"May I see the ice medal?" asked Snowbell.

E. Gadd handed it to her. Numerous ice ghosts became visible, but instead of the normal lazy floating, they were swarming around her frantically like moths around a light.

"Astounding! Why do they flock to you like that?"

"I have ice powers," she said, sending a light breeze at E. Gadd. A tiny icicle formed on his buck tooth. "I guess that's what's attracting them"

"That can't be it, though. I've run tests with fire flower and ice flower users, and none of them attracted ghosts like that. I had concluded that they were only attracted to their element when it was in its natural state."

"Well, I was born with these powers, so maybe that's why?"

E. Gadd was silent.

"Would you mind running a few tests with me?" he finally asked.

* * *

><p>Elder Troopa was admiring the portrait gallery when E. Gadd and Snowbell entered the room.<p>

"What's the diagnosis?" asked Elder Troopa.

"According to my data, it's not her ice powers that are attracting the spirits. Rather, it's the spirits that are _providing_ her with the ice powers."

Snowbell and Elder Troopa looked at each other, but said nothing.

"Under normal circumstances, the elemental ghosts represent the power of the natural elements. Only those who wield the medals may use this power. However, Snowbell here is able to do it without the use of a medal. It's as if the ice spirits themselves are infused with Snowbell's very own spirit. I'm not certain why or how, though."

"I'll bet you this has something to do with the imbalance," she whispered to Elder Troopa.

"Professor, mind if I take a look at that ice medal of yours?" he asked.

E. Gadd handed it to him.

"Snowbell, I think this medal might help jog my memory more. Every time I look at it, I feel as though I've seen it somewhere before. I just have to concentrate..."

Elder Troopa stared intently at the medal. The longer he did, the more he was sure he had witnessed something important with it, but he just couldn't put his finger on what it was. Even the sensation of simply holding it felt familiar, but why?

Snowbell glanced between him and the medal.

"Maybe I can help," she said. She put her hands on the medal, concentrating her cryokinetic energy into it. The ice ghosts became visible again and danced around her more furiously than before. The medal began to glow, and the sensation intensified.

"Snowbell, it's working... I'm beginning to remember where I last felt this sensa-..."

He stopped mid sentence.

_A small group of villagers surrounded the ice medal._

_"Due to the excess of the fire spirits, the ice spirits have been severely weakened, to the point where they may as well not exist," said a voice.  
><em>

_"What about this medal?" asked a Koopa.  
><em>

_"This medal is meant to summon and command the energy of the ice spirits, but with no ice for them to thrive on, it is useless. It is nothing but the last remnant of the element's spiritual essence."  
><em>

_The Koopa put his hand to it.  
><em>

_"Touch it. I can still feel life within."  
><em>

_The Shaman did so.  
><em>

_"The will of all the ice spirits is locked within. They desire a new catalyst."  
><em>

_"Is there anything we can do?"  
><em>

_"There is something we can try."  
><em>

_They took the medal into a hut. Inside was a mother, a father and their newborn baby. Some intense discussion followed, but eventually, they came to an agreement.  
><em>

_The medal was placed upon the baby's chest. The spirits came into being and settled into the baby's soul. Consequently, the baby was infused with the element of ice itself, while the freshness and purity of her soul gave the spirits new life...  
><em>

Elder Troopa came back to his senses._  
><em>

"Snowbell, we need to talk."

* * *

><p>They were sitting outside E. Gadd's door.<p>

"I gave the ice spirits new life?" she asked in wonderment. "...Isn't that kind of an oxymoron?"

"Yes, and not really. There was nothing to control the fire spirits, and the ice spirits suffered as a result. They could only find new life by merging with the spirit of another being, one that was clean and untainted."

"Like a newborn baby's?"

"That's right. I can't believe I had forgotten about this when it happened less than twenty years ago... My memory is worse than I thought..."

"So if it wasn't for the imbalance, I wouldn't have these powers to begin with..." she said as she stared at the sky.

"Are you alright?"

"...I'm fine. We understand that fire will become the dominant element, because water will somehow be wiped from the picture by Queen Boo. But the question is, how will she do that if the spirits can't be killed? That's the only part of the mystery we haven't solved yet. We're so close."

"There's nothing we can do at this point but try and decipher my journal. But the sun is going down. We need a place to stay for the night."

"You're welcome to stay here," said E. Gadd. They didn't notice he had opened the door.

* * *

><p>A Boo donning a sapphire crown floated before some candles. She watched intently as the fire spirits drifted above them. Several Boos materialized before her.<p>

"Start searching," she said.

The Boos all sped off in different directions.

* * *

><p>One of the Boos fazed into E. Gadd's lab. It looked around until it stumbled upon something it didn't expect to find: a bunch of other Boos trapped in some kind of containment device. It tried to set them free, but failed, so it told them about its mission instead. The other Boos directed it to a vault on the other side of the room.<p>

The Boo passed into the vault, and after a few seconds, it emerged with what it was searching for: the water and fire medals. It laughed evilly.

The light switched on.

"What are you doing?! Get away from those!" E. Gadd demanded.

The Boo stuck its tongue out at him. E. Gadd dashed for the Poltergust 3000, but it was too late. The Boo absconded with the medals.

Snowbell and Elder Troopa ran into the room.

"What happened?" asked Snowbell.

"The elemental medals just got stolen by a Boo!"

"Oh, no..." said Elder Troopa.

Apparently, the disaster was going to happen sooner than they thought.

* * *

><p><em>The Next Morning...<em>

Elder Troopa was outside, reading his journal.

"Alright, I remember more parts."

Snowbell came closer to listen.

"The stormy sky was lit with a red glow, followed by a blue glow. A fleet of Boos appeared and attacked everyone. They were lead by an evil crowned Boo, the source of the red glow," he read.

"So Queen Boo was the red glow? But what about the blue glow?"

"The blue glow was just another Boo. I don't remember it doing anything. It just stayed in place and glowed brighter and brighter until it vanished."

"The colors of the glows match the fire and water medals, so they must have something to do with it. What I'd like to know is why that Boo didn't bother stealing the ice medal?"

"It must not be part of the plan."

"So the blue Boo did nothing, huh? I wonder what it was there for..."

"Whatever it was, we're going to find out today," he said, regretfully.

"Wh-What? Are you sure?"

"I am. Look."

He pointed at the sky. A storm was approaching.

"...Where will Queen Boo appear?"

"Somewhere in town," he said.

"That's all I need to know. Elder Troopa, promise me you'll stay safe."

"What?"

She hugged him before skating away.

"Snowbell, wait!" he cried, reaching out to her. She didn't stop.

* * *

><p>Queen Boo floated above a volcano. Surrounding her were literally hundreds of Boos.<p>

"Attention, my followers! Until now, we as an army have been forced to hide in the shadows, lacking the power to conquer this kingdom! But after years of research, I've discovered a power that will allow us to not only conquer this kingdom, but the whole world! It is the power of the elements!"

She held up the fire medal.

"With this medal, the most powerful element of all shall be at my disposal! The element of fire!"

The Boos cheered.

"There is one thing that can stand in our way, however: the element of water. That's why I've also taken this!"

She held up the water medal.

"As long as this medal remains in our hands, nobody will be able to rise against us! But to be on the safe side, its power shall be used to remove the water spirits from the equation entirely!"

A pitch black Boo with a dark aura appeared next to her.

"I'd like to introduce the Boo that will seal our victory. He has no name, and his origins are unclear, but he possesses a rare skill: the power to magnetically attract ghostly energies like a conscious black hole. By combining his natural abilities with the power of the water medal, he'll be able to absorb the water spirits with ease, no matter where they are. And once he has them all, he'll seal himself in a different dimension so they may never return. A noble sacrifice."

She handed him the water medal. The Boos cheered again.

"Now... We attack!"

The army began to mobilize as Queen Boo started collecting the many fire spirits from the volcano.

* * *

><p>Snowbell was almost there. It was raining now, and though she couldn't see them, water spirits were everywhere. The closer she got to town, the more it became apparent that Boos were swarming all over it.<p>

"Crap! Elder Troopa was right, it is happening today!"

_Meanwhile, at Peach's Castle..._

"Why wasn't I invited to this?" asked the Boo in Peach's bathroom, watching the invasion through the window.

_Back in town..._

Various Toads, Koopas and Shy Guys fled in panic as Boos attacked everybody. Snowbell was targeted too, but she easily warded them off by freezing them. After skating around for awhile, she finally spotted Queen Boo.

"There she is!"

The Queen wasn't her normal self. The huge amounts of firepower she had gained caused her to glow red. She was also literally on fire.

"She's using the fire medal..." Snowbell whispered.

"Do it!" yelled Queen Boo.

The Black Boo appeared, and his aura changed to blue. Water spirits became visible and started gravitating towards him from all directions. The more he absorbed, the brighter he glowed.

Finally, it occurred to Snowbell what was going on.

"THAT'S what her plan is! The Blue Boo's sucking up the water spirits so nobody can use them to defeat her! And she doesn't need the ice medal because ice can't beat fire!"

"Help!" cried a voice.

Snowbell saw a young Koopa running away from some Boos. She swiped her arm, sending a C-shaped wave of icy vapor at them. A few were frozen, and the rest flew away.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"I am! Thanks lady!"

He ran away, and Snowbell saw that his shell was purple. She smiled.

"Anytime, Elder Troopa," she said under her breath.

A stream of fire collided with the ground. Snowbell barely managed to dodge it.

"Who dares not to flee at the might of Queen Boo?"

Two Boos zeroed in on Snowbell, but they were easily frozen like the rest.

"My, aren't you talented! I suppose I'll have to deal with you myself!"

Snowbell shot a blast of icy vapor at her, but it turned to steam on contact. Queen Boo retaliated by breathing fire at Snowbell, but she escaped by skating away. The rain did little to quell her flames.

_"There's no way I can take her head on! Fire beats ice!"_ she thought.

She spied the other glowing Boo.

_"But ice beats water..."_

Snowbell hid behind a building and Queen Boo zoomed right past her, leaving a trail of fire that was slowly extinguished by the rainwater. Once she was gone, Snowbell skated to the Blue Boo, water spirits still speeding into him.

"I think you've had enough to drink!"

Snowbell sprayed him with her mist, freezing him solid. All outside water spirits stopped in place and plummeted to the ground. His frozen body followed.

"Smart!"

Queen Boo dropped down between her and the Blue Boo.

"But not smart enough!"

She launched a huge blast of fire at the Blue Boo, but instead of simply freeing him, it blasted him away. The water medal twirled out of his body and landed in front of Snowbell's feet.

"No!"

"You can't even control your own power!"

Snowbell reached down to seize the medal, but a fireball forced her a back off. Queen Boo fired another one, and Snowbell dodged again, only to end up trapped in a ring of fire. Queen Boo met her in the center.

"Sorry, dear, but I can't be stopped! I am the strongest ghost who's ever lived! Or unlived! Afterlived? You know what I'm getting at."

Queen Boo flared, her fire changing from red to blue. Snowbell couldn't help but notice that, in the spots where the fire was strongest, her body was faded, as if her excess power was eating her away.

"Seriously, though. Goodbye."

Queen Boo took a deep breath to finish Snowbell off...

...But was sprayed with a jet of water before she could do it. Her fire reverted back to its normal red color.

"What the-?!"

Across from her was the young Koopa, holding the water medal in one hand. His palm was leveled at the ghost.

"Stay away from her, you bully!"

Queen Boo breathed fire at him, but he doused it with another jet of water from his hand. She was hit again, causing her to smoke.

"You're just a kid!" she hissed, wincing.

He formed a ball of water in his hand and pelted her with it. The impact fully extinguished her flame and knocked her on her side. Acting quickly, Snowbell reached into her body and pulled out the fire medal. Her glow faded.

"Fool!" she roared to life. "I won't be defeated so easily!"

Her army of Boos massed behind her, ready to fight.

"Run along, kid! I'll handle this!"

The Koopa nodded and sprinted away. The Boos slowly closed in on Snowbell, but suddenly, the Queen felt a tug.

"I've got you now!" said Luigi, vacuuming her with the Poltergust 3000.

"It's the Poltergust!" cried a Boo.

"Every Boo for himself!" cried another.

They all bolted like rabbits.

"No, you cowards! Don't fly away! Help me!"

"Sorry, but it's over," said Luigi.

"Oh, no it isn't!" she stormed.

Queen Boo resisted furiously, dragging Luigi across the pavement. As this continued in the background, Elder Troopa walked up to Snowbell.

"Elder Troopa! How'd you get here?"

"That professor teleported me and the Green Man here. Some technician he is. And some hero you are. By the looks of things, you just saved the future."

"Yes, yes I did. And you helped me in the fight, you know."

"Hmm?"

"Oh, never mind. But I need to ask you a question. What would happen if you encountered your past self?"

"I don't know, but judging by the fact that we haven't been erased from time, I'd say nothing. It's not like I'd recognize myself anyway, given my memory."

Luigi crashed into a garbage can, allowing Queen Boo to free herself from the Poltergust's suction.

"That's what happens when you mess with the Quee-"

Snowbell froze her. Luigi sucked up her petrified body.

"Thanks!" he said.

"Come on, Elder Troopa, let's go."

"Go where? We have no home."

"Don't worry. I have an idea."

* * *

><p><em>Later...<em>

"Voila! A house made of ice!" Snowbell proudly boasted. The house gleamed.

"So what's preventing the ice from melting?" he asked.

"...Okay, I have another idea!"

* * *

><p><em>About a month later...<em>

Snowbell was performing on live TV, using her cryokinesis to perform various tricks on the ocean. When she finished, the crowd went wild.

"Excellent work out there, Snowbell! You really blew their socks off this time!" said her boss, a Pianta. "I think you've earned a raise!"

"Cool!"

The Pianta payed her and headed home.

"Aye, Snowbell. There's someone here I think you'll love to meet," said Elder Troopa.

"Who?"

It was Rosalina. Snowbell's jaw dropped and hung open before she forcibly closed it.

"I am Rosalina."

"Yes, I know who you are. You watch over the cosmos. Er, that's what I was told, anyway. Heh."

"Well, I was told about a woman with ice powers, and I wanted to see her for myself," said Rosalina.

"My name's Snowbell."

They shook hands. Rosalina closed her eyes and smiled.

"You're from seventy years into an alternate future."

Snowbell and Elder Troopa both gaped.

"H-How'd you know that?" Snowbell asked.

"When I shook your hand, I read the cosmic energy within you. It also told me that you and I were friends in this alternate future."

"So that's what the cosmic energy was for!" said Snowbell.

"That's right. My future self gave you the energy as a cosmic memo. I'm glad I had the mind to do that. Or will have the mind to do that. Would've had?"

"It doesn't matter," said Snowbell.

They hugged.

**Next chapter will be a Luigi chapter. This is my last week at home before I leave for college, so if it's not up by Saturday, there's no telling when it'll be here. Just a heads up.**


	19. The Butler and the Pianist

**Aaaaand here's another Luigi chapter. This carries off where "Ghost Pets" left off, but it _chronologically _takes place after the "Snowbell of the Future" chapters.  
><strong>

Ever since Luigi and E. Gadd freed Shivers from his portrait, he had been hopelessly stalking Melody. She was even more beautiful alive, but whenever he tried to approach her, Clef would drive him off before she even had a chance to notice him. The fact that he was a ghost and therefore could only attempt to speak to her at night complicated things even further. Shivers wished to be revived like she was, but E. Gadd had already explained to him that the Resurrectionator was destroyed and that a new model was pending.**  
><strong>

Nobody thought much of the situation at first, but as time passed, Luigi became increasingly aware of how severe Shivers' obsession with Melody was.

And by "became increasingly aware", I mean, "he had to listen to Shivers' moaning every night".

"Oh, what chance do I have with her, anyhow? Even as a ghost, she never gave me the time of day. Or night, for that matter," Shivers wailed.

"Why am I the one who has to listen to this?" Luigi complained in his bed.

"Who else am I to share my feelings with? You do live with her."

"But I wanna go to bed!"

"And I want Melody's heart!"

"If I help you talk to her, will you leave me alone?"

Shivers perked up at the idea.

"That would be good, very good indeed!"

Melody heard a knock on her door.

"What is it, ragamuffin? I'm trying to sleep."

"Ragamuffin?" Shivers whispered, confused.

"Don't ask," Luigi replied.

"Melody, there's somebody here who wants to see you..."

"At this hour? Who could it possibly be?"

Luigi opened the door and entered with Shivers.

* * *

><p><em>Outside the mansion...<em>

Melody screaming "WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE?!" could be heard.

* * *

><p>"You're supposed to be in a portrait!" Melody raged. Clef hung from the ceiling but had his wings spread, ready to attack.<p>

"We set him free," Luigi said.

"Why?"

"Because he's harmless enough and it was the right thing to do."

"But he-!"

Melody stopped herself and took a deep breath. She knew she was overreacting and had to calm down.

"Listen. Shivers. I am not interested in a romantic relationship with you. Please just go back to whatever it is you used to do before the Professor caught you in the first place."

"See? Like I said, she never even so much as gives me a chance," Shivers complained.

"Chance?! There's no way I'd ever do such a thing! That would be a crime!"

"What for?" asked Luigi.

"Because he's over seventy, and I'm only in my twenties, for crying out loud! Besides, I'm not a ghost anymore, so even if I wanted to date this pedophile, it still wouldn't work out."

"It's technically not pedophilia if the person you're in love with isn't a child..." Shivers retorted sheepishly.

"I don't care! You know what I'm getting at!"

"What do you want me to do then? Leave forever?"

"Yeah, basically."

"Melody!" Luigi barked.

Melody crossed her arms, looked away and huffed.

"No!" Shivers snarled with surprising defiance. Melody flinched.

"I will not, shall not give up that easily! I never gave up searching for my master's will, and I won't give up on you, either! I will show you my burning passion!"

Melody facepalmed. But then something occurred to her.

"Did you say your master's will?"

"Yes. Why?"

Melody took a minute to think.

"Tell you what... Why don't you come back here tomorrow at sunset?"

"Y-You want me to come back?"

"Yes, yes, of course."

A huge smile spread across Shivers' face, but it faltered within seconds.

"But why? A minute ago you-"

"Don't ask questions. Just run along and be back here tomorrow. Got it?"

"Got it!" he said, floating away.

Luigi raised an eyebrow. Something fishy was going on.

"What are you up to?" he asked.

"Don't worry, you'll find out. In the meantime, you should get some rest."

Luigi narrowed his eyes at her before leaving.

* * *

><p><em>The next evening...<em>

"I'm back! What is it you wanted, my love?" Shivers asked expectantly.

"You're looking for your master's will, correct?"

"Yes!"

"Well, I'm going to help you find it."

"R-Really?!"

Shivers couldn't contain his excitement and floated to Luigi.

"She's going to help me find my master's will! She really does care about me!"

Luigi wasn't impressed.

"How do you plan on doing that, Melody?" he asked.

"It's simple. Shivers, your master is dead, correct?"

"Correct."

"Then I know just the place to start."

* * *

><p>"You're in luck, because I once encountered your master's ghost," said E. Gadd. They were in his lab.<p>

"You did?" asked Shivers.

"Yes, long ago."

"But how can you be sure he was Shivers' master?" asked Luigi.

"Because he mentioned Shivers in his thoughts. He managed to escape before I could capture him, but not before I scanned him with the GameBoy Horror."

"He was thinking about me?" Shivers said hopefully.

"Yes, and he was also thinking about his life before he passed. Apparently, he used to live-"

"I already know where he used to live. I was his butler. But I already searched there and found no will."

"That's just it, though. I wanted another shot at capturing him, so I went to his house hoping he'd be there. But he wasn't, and what I found instead was a will lying on the counter."

"Wait... So you're telling me that I couldn't find it because you found it first?!"

"Precisely."

"Well, where is it now?!"

"Right here. However, I'm not sure if you-"

"JUST GIVE IT TO ME!

E. Gadd took a sheet of paper off his shelf, which Shivers snatched from him. The paper read:

_My will is for my extensive collection of jewelry to go to my daughter, my worldly possessions to go to my son, and half my earnings to go to my cat. May the rest go to charity. _

_Oh, and let the butler have the loose change in my cabinet or something.  
><em>

Shivers floated there, a deadpan expression frozen on his face.

"Shivers? What does it say?" Melody asked.

"IT DOESN'T MATTER!" Shivers exclaimed, cackling wildly as he ripped the will to shreds.

"The important thing is that I'm in it!"

"Okay. Well, I guess this is goodbye," said Melody, smiling.

"Huh?"

"You found your will, which means you're fulfilled! So now you can get on with your afterlife! Bye bye!"

"Melody, my dear, romancing you is my fulfillment!"

"W-What?! But I-! You-!"

Luigi's jaw dropped.

"THAT was your plan this whole time?! Fulfill him with his master's will so that he'll be forced to leave...?!" Luigi stammered.

"Luigi raises a good point. That makes no sense," said E. Gadd.

Clef slapped his face with his wing.

"Well... it made sense at the time..." Melody chuckled weakly, clearly embarrassed.

"Look! I wrote you a poem!" Shivers announced, holding a paper to her. Melody bolted for the door. Shivers went after her in hot pursuit, and he in turn was tailed by Clef.

While the three way chase continued outside, Luigi conversed with E. Gadd.

"But really, something needs to be done. We can't have that guy stalking her every night. He'll drive her nuts, and if that fails, he'll drive me nuts," said Luigi.

"Maybe if Melody gets a boyfriend, he'll quit?"

"I don't think we can count on that. Melody's a good person, but she's very..."

"Surly?"

"Yeah."

"We'll come up with something eventually. In the meantime, try to think of a temporary solution."

"I've got it!"

Luigi ran outside.

"Hey, Melody! Hold on!"

Melody stopped. Shivers stopped behind her, and Clef flew smack into the back of his head.

"What is it now?"

Luigi whispered something into Melody's ear.

"Are you serious?" she said, highly amused.

"Yep," said Luigi, handing her a matchbox.

"O~h Shivers!" she cooed.

"Yes?" he replied, prying Clef off his face.

"I'm suddenly in a romantic mood."

"R-Really?!"

"That's right. And you know what's romantic? Candles. And what do you know, you just happen to be holding a candle stick."

"Oh, this? This is just an old nick nack of mine."

"Well, what do you say we put it to use?" she said, lighting a match.

"No, wait!"

She lit the candles. Shivers shrieked in terror.

"FIRE! FIRE!"

The poor ghost sped off in panic, leaving a trail of flame behind him until he was out of sight.

"He'll be back, you know."

"Yes, I do. But at least I know what his repellent is."

Melody punched Luigi in the arm.

"OUCH!"

"That's for freeing him in the first place."


	20. Diary of a Goomba

**Sorry it took me so long to update, everyone. Various IRL matters combined with a writers block prevented me from getting a "Summer jump start" on this fic, but I have some fresh ideas and don't go back to college until September 23rd, so hopefully I'll be able to squeeze in a fair number of updates before then.  
><strong>

**Anyway, this chapter is the sequel to "A Goomba's Life". Enjoy!  
><strong>

_Dear Diary,_

_Ever since Karl removed his shell, he's done nothing but run around like an overjoyed maniac. He never makes time to see me anymore. In fact, the only reason I know what he's been up to is that it keeps showing up on the news. "Kooky Koopa Spotted" they always say. I thought I had done the right thing by suggesting that he take his shell off, but maybe that was a mistake..._

_Instead of waiting for him to eventually snap out of it, I decided to try and make some new friends today. Unfortunately, it didn't go that well. Most of them either ignored me or told me to get lost. I guess nobody wants to be pals with a middle-aged goomba like me. I even bumped into a kritter that I used to play on a soccer team with, but the second I told him who I was, he punched me so hard that I flew clear across the street. I'm not sure what his problem was, but a nearby cop saw what happened and now he's in the stony lonesome. Maybe that'll set him straight. Though, I do find it kind of weird how that Bowser fellow can kidnap the Princess time and time again without going to jail, and yet that kritter couldn't get away with decking me...  
><em>

_There is some good news, though! I saw a cute lady goomba and asked her out! She said "no" at first, but then I told her that I work at a cupcake shop that sells goomba-shaped cupcakes. She said she'd stop by tomorrow and promised to give me a chance if I give her some free cupcakes... which I'm technically not supposed to do, but who's gonna know?_

_-Goomboris_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Diary,<br>_

_I got fired for giving away free cupcakes. Worse, the lady goomba didn't keep her promise because she doesn't want to date a "jobless bum". So not only am I jobless, I'm also still single. What a pain.  
><em>

_Oh, well. I called my mom and asked if I could move in with her, but she said that she was going through a tunnel and couldn't talk right now... even though I called her on her house phone. So I guess that's out of the question.  
><em>

_I gave Karl a call to see if he could help me, but he still hasn't recovered, so it looks like I'll just have to get another job before my next rent is due. I'd hate to have to move out of this apartment, but how hard could job hunting be?_

_-Goomboris_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Diary,<em>

_Sadly, I couldn't get a job. I applied to all sorts of places, but they all said I wasn't qualified. The restaurants rejected me because I don't have hands to wash dishes or carry drinks with. The chauffeur business rejected me because I don't have hands to steer with. The construction company rejected me because I don't have hands to hold tools with. This economy sure is biased against people without hands!_

_The clock is ticking, but I'll figure something out. Something that doesn't require hands._

_Wait... If I don't have hands, then how am I even writing this?_

_-Goomboris_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Diary,<em>

_I enlisted as a member of the Koopa Troop today. I know that's probably not good for my image, but I'm desperate, and I'm not that recognizable anyway. At least I have a source of income now._

_Since I'm a new recruit, some wizard guy gave me a tour of Bowser's castle. Along the way, I saw Princess Peach locked in a cage. I felt sorry for her, so I gave her a cupcake I had been saving. Luckily, I wasn't caught this time._

_After the tour, I was told that I'm being sent to the front lines first thing tomorrow. Not sure what that means exactly, but I'm excited!  
><em>

_-Goomboris_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Diary,<em>

_I was sent to the "front lines" today. For awhile, my assigned partner and I just stood around doing nothing. I was confused as to why we weren't doing anything, but I'm not one to complain about getting paid for nothing, so I didn't bring it up. I tried striking up a conversation with him a few times, but he wasn't that talkative. Eventually, I fell asleep._

_Later on, I was rudely awoken by my partner. Before I could ask him what was going on, he nodded at something in the distance. I was then very surprised to see Mario himself!  
><em>

_My partner whispered, "let's get him", in my ear. I instantly jumped to my feet, charged up to him at full speed, and asked for his autograph. He happily agreed and signed his name on a piece of paper I had been conveniently carrying around. After he had left, I showed it to my partner, but he just stood there with his mouth wide open. I tried to snap him out of it, but it was to no avail._

_When Bowser found out about the incident, he immediately fired me, and by that I mean he shot fire at me. I don't understand why, but personally, I think he was jealous._

_And so I am jobless once again. I never got the money I was promised in exchange for my service, and my rent is due tomorrow. It pains me to say that I have no choice but to part ways with this old place. Which is why I'm not saying it. I'm simply writing it down._

_I wish Karl were here. I'm sure he'd find that funny. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to enjoy this apartment while I still can... and get some ointment on these burns._

_-Goomboris_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Diary,<em>

_It's a miracle! Early in the morning, I went to check my mail for what I thought would be the last time. You can imagine how shocked I was to find a sack of coins! Not only is it enough to both pay my rent and keep me afloat for awhile, but it also came with a booklet titled, "How to Get a Job That Doesn't Involve Evil for Dummies". I'm certainly not a dummy, but I do think this book can help me get back on my feet. Things are really looking up!_

_However, one question remains. Who was the person that sent me all this? The package wasn't signed. The only clue I have is a little note that says, "Thanks for the Cupcake", with a heart drawn next to it. Hmm..._

_...Maybe it was that lady goomba? Nah, it couldn't be. I gave her multiple cupcakes, so it would've said, "Thanks for the Cupcakes"._

_Speaking of which, I wonder how the Princess is doing? I hope she liked the cupcake I gave her._

_-Goomboris_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Diary,<em>

_...How come you never write back?_

_-Goomboris_


	21. Heart Heist

**And now, the third installment of the Bandit series!**

Late one night, a little thief by the name of Nabbit was sneaking around. He had just stolen a Super Acorn from some Toads, and he was currently cutting through Peach's courtyard on the way to his lair. Halfway through, he was forced to dive into the bushes when he heard voices.

Nabbit peaked out of his hiding spot to see Mario and Peach walking together. He was immediately enraptured by the Princess's beauty, his pupils dilating as he marveled at her appearance. He was so fixated on her that he had almost forgotten that Mario was there, too…

…At least until Peach kissed him on the nose.

Nabbit recoiled at the sight, his pupils shrinking into little dots. As Mario made his leave, the jealous crook sat down and thought to himself. Had those two just gotten back from a date? Well, no matter what, he knew that he was going to win Peach over.

And he knew just what kind of gift to get her.

* * *

><p><em>Elsewhere…<em>

Bandit- yes, _that_ Bandit- had just broken into a jewelry museum. He was surrounded by valuables, but there was only one gem in particular that he wanted.

"Come on, come on… It has to be around here somewhere…"

He looked around feverishly until he spied something red and glittering.

"There is it! The Ruby Heart!"

The Ruby Heart was- surprise, surprise- a heart made out of ruby. Bandit's eyes twinkled with desire as he approached the glass case.

"All I need to do now is get it out of there without triggering an alarm. But how?"

Bandit rummaged through his bag and pulled out a Vanish Cap.

"Ah, perfect!"

Bandit donned the cap and turned invisible. He then reached through the glass and grasped at the Ruby Heart…

…Only to have his hand pass right through it.

"I should've seen that coming…" Bandit grumbled as the vanish effect wore off. He dug through his bag again, this time producing a Boo Mushroom.

"This should work!"

After transforming into a Boo, Bandit tried to take the gem, but despite his phasing powers, his hand kept colliding with the glass.

"Why can't I…?"

He looked closely at the case and saw that Professor E. Gadd's logo was visible in the corner.

"Ugh, it's one of those ghost-proof cases," Bandit moaned as he turned back to normal. He reached into his bag once again and produced a Fire Flower.

"If this doesn't work, nothing will."

The color of his outfit changing from blue to red, he pressed his palm against the glass, generating enough heat to melt a hole in it. Once that was done with, he snatched the Ruby Heart.

"Yes, finally! I've stolen the Ruby Heart!" he boasted, holding it up in the air. Seconds later, a figure swooped by and snagged it from his hand.

"WHAT THE?!"

Nabbit was standing before him, stuffing the heart into his sack.

"Hey! Give that back!" he demanded. He tried to throw a fireball, but the power-up wore off a second too soon.

"Dag-nabbit," he snarled. "Pun not intended, by the way."

Nabbit ran off.

"You're not getting away from me!" Bandit shouted as he pursued him. Eventually, the chase led to Peach's Castle.

"What's he going to the Princess's Castle for?" Bandit wondered. Once they were close to the building, a Toad guard tried to stop them.

"Halt! Who goes there?"

"We're just playing tag," said Bandit.

"Oh, okay then," said the guard.

_"Idiot,"_ thought Bandit.

Nabbit climbed a tree and jumped into the castle through an open window. Bandit was soon to follow, but much to his displeasure, Nabbit was nowhere to be seen inside.

"Where are you, you stupid Easter Bunny reject? I'll teach you not to hijack my heist!"

Just then, he heard the sound of a door creaking open. Down the hall, Nabbit had snuck into Peach's bedroom while she was putting rollers in her hair. She was so engrossed in her reflection that she didn't notice the purple pilferer behind her.

Nabbit took the Ruby Heart out of his sack, but as he tried to offer it to her, Bandit appeared and swiped it. As Bandit made off with what was rightfully (or wrongfully) his, Nabbit made his trademark sound and went after him. Just as he left the room, Peach turned around, shrugged, and went back to what she was doing.

"It's mine! All mine!" Bandit cackled as he jumped for the window. Thinking fast, Nabbit grabbed a shoe and chucked it at the window's lock, releasing it and causing it to fall.

"OH CRA-"

Bandit slammed into the glass (which thankfully didn't break) and dropped the Ruby Heart. Nabbit quickly reclaimed it and made his way back to Peach's room.

Peach was just settling into bed when she heard the sound of footsteps.

"Who's there?" she asked.

Peach turned the light on and didn't see anybody. Little did she know that Nabbit was hiding under her bed, his heart pounding.

"I hope there aren't mice in this mansion…" she mumbled before cutting the light off and closing her eyes.

Nabbit crawled out of his hiding spot, took a deep breath, and prepared to wake Peach.

"I think you've forgotten someone..." Bandit growled just loudly enough for Nabbit to hear. The bunny burglar froze in his place.

"Now give me the Ruby Heart or I'm gonna-"

Nabbit shoved all the hair accessories off Peach's nightstand and dove back underneath her bed.

"What was that?!" Peach shrieked. She flicked the light switch and saw Bandit holding a mushroom over his head.

"Don't mind me! I'm just a Toad!"

The mushroom disappeared and Bandit doubled in size.

"Oops…"

"GUARDS!" Peach cried.

In an instant, the Toad Brigade burst into the room, all five of them carrying a log.

"Oh brother, not these lame-o's again," he groaned, the very sight of them causing him to shrink back to normal size.

"I'll teach you to call us lame-o's!" threatened the Captain.

"CHARGE!"

The Brigade aimed their log at Bandit and attempted to ram him. He took one step to the side and they hit Peach's drawer instead, knocking it open and burying them in an avalanche of clothes.

"That could've gone better," said Blue.

"Thanks for stating the obvious," said the Captain.

"Now, as for YOU," said Bandit and he dove under the bed. The room was filled with the sounds of a harsh struggle until Bandit and Nabbit rolled out into the open, wrestling for the heart. Eventually, Nabbit managed to overcome his blue adversary and tossed him into the pile of clothes. Seeing his opportunity, the rabbit showed the Ruby Heart to Peach.

The Princess wasn't sure what to say.

"Um… This is, uh…"

While Nabbit was distracted, Bandit crept up from behind and strapped a bra over his eyes, blinding him. He swiftly grabbed the heart and made his exit. Right afterwards, Bowser poked his head through the doorway.

"It's time for another kidnappi-"

Bowser fell silent when saw the Toad Brigade lying in Peach's clothes, Nabbit struggling to get a bra off his face, and Peach looking all-around freaked out.

"…I think I'll come back later," he said before leaving.

* * *

><p><em>The Next Morning...<em>

"It feels great to have finally pulled off a decent heist," said Bandit as he laid on his couch and kissed the Ruby Heart.

"Now let's see what's on television."

Bandit pressed the button on his remote and was greeted with a newsflash.

"This just in! The local jewelry museum has been robbed!"

"It sure has," Bandit said arrogantly.

"Luckily, no real jewelry was stolen."

"Wait… What?"

The report switched to the owner of the museum.

"It's very fortunate that whoever broke into my museum only wanted the Ruby Heart, because the one that was on display is just a dummy. The real one is locked away in a safe location and is only brought out for private events. I'm sure the crook will be in for a rude awakening when he finds out that his loot is completely worthle-"

Bandit threw the fake heart at the TV, breaking the screen.


	22. Broken Brigade

The Toad Brigade was lounging in the courtyard of Peach's Castle, enjoying the break that they weren't actually given.

"Lovely day for relaxing," said the Captain.

"Indeed," said the Blue Toad.

"Yup," said Banktoad.

"Ditto," said Mailtoad.

The Yellow Toad snored.

The shadow of someone wearing a crown crept over them.

"Whah! P-Peach!" the Captain stammered, springing to his feet.

"We weren't expecting you back until tomorrow morn..."

He stopped when he realized that it wasn't Peach.

"Oh, it's Daisy. Sorry, but Peach left for a meeting and won't be back until tomorrow."

"I know that. She asked me to look after things while she's gone."

"Bah, there's no need for that. We've got things under control."

"Yeah, about that... She also said that I'm in charge while she's gone, and my first order of business is to demote you all. Never more are you the royal guards."

"WHAT?!"

The rest of the Brigade stood right up at this, except for Yellow, who simply snored again.

"What for?!"

"You're all nothing but a bunch of slackers! Peach might not be able to see it, but I sure can."

"We are NOT slackers!" the Captain insisted.

Yellow snored once again. Daisy raised an eyebrow.

"Name one thing you've accomplished in all the time you've been here."

"Well, there was that one time I found a power star for Mario."

"You mean the time you got locked in a chest with a power star and he had to save you?"

"...He told you about that too?"

"Yeah, he did. There was also that time I had to save you all from the Koopalings."

"Oh, come on! That could've happened to anyone! Mario was kidnapped too!"

"Yes, but Mario was tricked. You guys weren't. Toadsworth tells me that they just swooped in and took you by force."

"Come to think of it, there was also the two times we failed to apprehend that burglar..." said Blue.

"Shut up!" said the Captain.

"It's settled. I'm reassigning you all. Banktoad, you're going to organize the finances now."

"Organize the finances?! That... That actually sounds pretty good."

"What do you mean pretty good?" the Captain questioned.

"Hello? I'm a Banktoad. Money is my field of expertise."

"Mailtoad, you get to be the mailman."

"Cool! It's more than just a hobby now!"

"Blue, you seem smart, so you can be my adviser."

"Yes!"

"Wh-What about me?" asked the Captain.

"You're the janitor now."

The Captain's jaw dropped.

"Wait... If we're not the royal guards anymore, then who is?"

Daisy whistled. A blue Toad and a yellow Toad marched up to her.

"You're replacing us with Alagold and Buckenberry?!"

"That's right. They've helped Mario and Luigi rescue Peach twice, so I think they qualify."

"This is a nightmare!"

"If you don't like it, then you can quit. Otherwise, everyone get to work!"

Everyone bolted to their different positions, except for the Captain and Yellow.

"What about Yellow? You didn't give him a job."

"Don't worry, I've got something in mind for him," she said, picking up the sleeping Toad. "Now, I do believe you have some bathrooms to mop..."

* * *

><p>"This is an outrage!" stormed the Captain as he mopped Peach's bathroom. "Who does she think she is, anyway? Marching in like she owns the place..."<p>

"Is she staying permanently?" asked a voice.

"No, she isn't. Just until tomorrow," he answered casually, knowing exactly who was talking. "Why? Were you hoping for someone new to peep on?"

"Funny", said the Boo as he materialized. "I don't see what the big tall deal is. Won't everything just go back to normal once she leaves?"

"Fat chance! She'll probably tell Peach about how we got reassigned and nothing will change. The most annoying part is that everyone else seems to like their new jobs!"

"Maybe if you impress her, she'll give you your old job back?"

"That might work, but how would I go about doing that?"

He thought for a few moments.

"That's it! I know what to do!"

The Captain sprinted through the front doorway and into town. Along the way, he saw Yellow sleeping in the castle garden, dressed as a lawn gnome.

* * *

><p><em>Sometime later...<em>

Daisy was doing some paperwork when Blue barged into her office.

"Princess! Bowser is attacking!" he wailed.

Daisy sighed and looked out the window. The Koopa King was indeed on the lawn, and he was confronted by Alagold and Buckenberry.

"They'll take care of him," she reassured Blue.

Meanwhile, the Captain was hiding in the bushes with the Bathroom Boo.

"...That's all you have to do. Got it?" he asked.

"Got it. But why am I helping you again?" asked the Boo.

"Because I'm the closest thing you have to a friend?"

"...Right..."

The Boo disappeared.

"You short-stacks think you can take me? How pathetic!" Bowser mocked.

Alagold and Buckenberry jumped for Bowser's head, but the Boo invisibly intercepted the two Toads, causing them to fall to the ground.

"What the...?" Daisy muttered, confused.

Bowser spat some fire, igniting their mushrooms. As they frantically ran around trying to extinguish themselves, the Captain appeared.

"What does he think he's doing?" Daisy wondered aloud.

"Bowser, you are going down!" the Captain declared.

"That's big talk for such a little fella! Show me what you're made of!"

Bowser lunged at him, baring his claws and teeth, but the Captain intercepted with a headbutt to the nose. Much to everyone's surprise, the collision almost knocked Bowser off his feet.

"Ow! Ah! That smarts!"

"Holy smokes!" Daisy blurted. Alagold and Buckenberry had just put out their fires and were staring in disbelief.

The Captain continued with a ground-pound to his toe.

"Ouch!"

Bowser clutched his foot, hopping up and down. The other two Toads tried to rejoin the fight, but a mysterious force pulled them away.

The Captain finished by pushing Bowser's remaining leg with one finger, sending him toppling over and rolling into the distance.

"So long-eh, Bowser," he sneered, donning a pair of sunglasses. A moment later, Daisy slapped them off his face.

"Hey, what's the big idea?! I thought you'd be impressed!"

"I am. I just don't think that's a good look for you."

There was an awkward silence.

"So..."

"Yes, you can be a royal guard again," said Daisy, answering his question before he could ask it.

"Woohoo!"

Everyone walked away. When he was sure he was alone, the Captain whistled.

"We done?" asked Bowser as he emerged from a bush, and if you're wondering how he found a bush big enough to hide in, then good for you.

"We're done. Here's your end of the bargain," said the Captain, offering him a sack of red coins.

"Sweet!"

Bowser exploded into a cloud of smoke, revealing that it had been a Duplighost all along.

"Pleasure doing business with ya," he said as he accepted the coins and left.

"CAPTAIN!" shouted an intense voice. The Captain turned around and saw Blue.

"It's not what it looks like!" he stammered.

Blue scratched his head.

"I don't know what you're talking about, but Bowser's not done yet!"

"What do you mean?"

"Look!"

Surely enough, the castle was under attack by Bowser, and apparently, it was the real one this time.

"...Oh boy."

"Quick! Beat him up again!"

"Erm... I can't exactly... You see... The thing is..."

"The thing is what?"

"I... I..."

Before the Captain could dig a deeper hole, the voice of the unseen Boo whispered something in his ear.

_"Repeat what I say," _he said.

The Captain nodded.

"He won't fall for the same trick twice! We need to try a new... What was that? Tactic? Yeah, tactic! We need to try a new tactic! He always... Uh... He always... I can't hear you, whisper a bit louder! We know he's looking for Peach, so I say we tell him exactly what he wants to hear! Huh? Whaddya mean I could've delivered that line better?"

"So... What do you have in mind?" Blue asked, befuddled.

"The plan is to... Ew, keep your tongue away from my ear!"

Bowser climbed the side of the castle and shoved his fist through a window, pulling Daisy out.

"What? You're not Peach!"

"Sorry, Bowser, but your Princess is in another kingdom," Daisy quipped unenthusiastically.

"Where is she?!" Bowser bellowed.

"Not telling," she replied, crossing her arms.

"Hey! Down here!" called the Brigade Captain.

"Huh?" went Bowser.

"Oh, goodie. Your friend is back to give you another whooping," Daisy teased.

"What do you mean, 'another'?" Bowser snarled. He jumped to the ground, the Princess of Sarasaland still in his grip.

"I'll tell you where Peach is! Just don't hurt her!" the Captain pleaded.

"WHAT?!" Daisy shrieked.

"Wow, you really are as cowardly as everyone says! Alright, let's hear it!"

"She's in Subcon!"

"What?" Daisy started. "That's not where she-"

"Shhhh!"

"Ohhhh..." Daisy said softly.

"Haha! Thanks for the tip! See you, suckers!"

Bowser dropped Daisy on her face and made his exit.

"That... was a remarkably simple plan. I could've thought of that!" the Captain complained.

_"And yet you didn't," _said the Boo.

Daisy walked up to the Captain.

"That was some quick thinking there, Captain. Where is Subcon, anyway?"

"That's the best part! Subcon isn't a place you can physically go to! You can only visit it in your sleep!"

"Ah. I wonder how long it'll take old Bowser to figure that out."

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get back to my guard duties."

The Captain marched away. Once Daisy was out of sight, the Boo rematerialized.

"So what are you gonna do now?"

"As soon as Peach returns, I'm going to recommission my Brigade members. Alagold and Buckenberry can go back to doing whatever it is they did before Daisy reassigned them, and you can work as my secret agent, or something."

"Fine by me."

"...By the way, is it true that everyone says I'm cowardly?"

"Yeah, it is."

* * *

><p><em>One week later...<br>_

Bowser was stationed in a faraway land, drinking coffee at a roadside coffee shop. The Goomba waitress took note of this.

"You don't look like you're around here," she commented.

"I'm traveling," said Bowser.

"Oh? Where you headed?"

"Subcon."

"Subcon? Never heard of it. Where's it located?"

"It's over in... Um..."

There was a long pause.

"...Where IS Subcon, exactly?" Bowser asked himself. Then it dawned to him...

"HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!"


	23. All Things Witchy and Ghastly

**Heeeeeere's the sixth Luigi chapter!**

**I know Ashley and Red are _technically _Wario characters, as opposed to Mario characters... but that's not gonna stop me from using them anyway! **

**Fun Fact: This was originally meant to be a Halloween post, but due to a combination of college work and a bad writer's block, it ended up getting delayed... by a lot.  
><strong>

Somewhere in Diamond City, there was a formidable looking mansion overlooked by the full moon. Inside was a young witch named Ashley, reading a book. Specifically, a book about places that are haunted.

Recently, she had been developing a teleportation spell. Now she wanted to take it for a test drive, preferably to somewhere nice and creepy.

And Boo Woods was the place she decided upon.

"Red!" she called.

Red- a smiling imp named after his color- appeared. With a wave of his hand, he transformed into a scepter. Waving it in the air, Ashley spoke some kind of demonic chant and disappeared.

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile, at Luigi's Mansion...<br>_

Luigi was sitting in his den, watching television and stroking the Polterpup on his lap. Melody walked in with Clef clinging to her head.

"Have you named that thing yet?" she asked, referring to the Polterpup.

"No, not yet. Why do you keep asking?"

"Because it's been weeks since you brought that thing home. You could've at least given it a name by now."

"He's not a 'thing', he's a Polterpup!"

"You're complaining about labels even though you've yet to name it. How ironic."

"I just haven't thought of one yet."

Without warning, the Polterpup barked and jumped through the wall, right into the outdoors. At the same time, Clef took flight and passed through the opposite wall, disappearing deeper into the mansion.

"What was that all about?" asked Melody.

"Eh. He's probably off to go chase raccoons again," Luigi remarked, casually.

"But Clef took off, too. It's as if they were both reacting to something..."

Luigi still didn't think much of it and continued watching TV. Seconds later, his Dual Scream started ringing.

"Y'ello?"

"Luigi!" exclaimed E. Gadd. "There's something bizarre happening in the forest!"

"Told you," said Melody.

"My radar is picking up this bizarre energy. According to my readings, it resembles that of a ghost, but with a few unique properties. In other words, it's some sort of pseudo-ghostly energy."

"You want me to investigate, don't you?" Luigi asked sullenly.

"Precisely," said E. Gadd.

Luigi shut the Dual Scream and sighed.

"Relax, ragamuffin. I'll come with you."

The two of them went outside, but before they went into the woods, Luigi made a quick stop at E. Gadd's lab to pick up the Poltergust. Upon seeing it, Melody shrieked and cringed.

"What's wrong?!"

"Sorry, that was a reflex. It's just... the last time I saw that vacuum, you used it to... y'know..."

"Oh, right... I almost forgot..."

There was an awkward silence.

"..Let's get going, shall we?" Melody suggested.

"Let's!" Luigi agreed.

* * *

><p>Ashley examined her surroundings. Odd-looking trees? Check. Ravens? Check. Windy weather? Check.<p>

There was no mistaking it. They were in Boo Woods. The teleportation spell had worked!

Though, Ashley couldn't help but wonder why she hadn't seen a single-

"Ghost!" Red yelped, scrambling behind Ashley.

The ghost soared through the air and landed in front of them, barking and wagging its tail.

"Oh, it's a dog-ghost!" Red sighed in relief.

Before Ashley could say anything, the Polterpup darted past her, snatching up her bunny doll. Ashley's pupils shrank to little cat-like slits.

"Hey, that's not yours!" Red complained.

The Polterpup swallowed the doll and ran off. Red reluctantly looked at Ashley. Her eyes were glowing the color of Red's skin, and her hair was turning grey.

"Um... Ashley? Are you okay?"

She shifted her eyes to Red. Her stare was like a bullet through his soul.

"Ehhh... I'll go get your doll back! See ya!"

Red scampered off. Afterwards, Luigi and Melody appeared.

"What's a little girl doing out here?" asked Melody.

Ashley glanced at them, but said nothing.

"Hello. What's your name?" asked Luigi.

"Who wants to know?" asked Ashley.

"I do. I am the one asking, after all."

_"What's that I sense?" _Ashley thought. She fixed her gaze on Melody for a long time.

"...Can I help you?" Melody finally asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

"You were a ghost, weren't you?" Ashley presumed.

"How did you know that?!" Luigi asked, surprised.

"Great. First Rosalina, and now this girl. Is it really that obvious that I used to be dead?"

There was another uncomfortable silence.

"Uh, yoohoo? Earth to creepy child? You didn't answer his question."

"I have a way with all things macabre... That's how I knew."

"Say, have you seen a dog that's about this high and wearing a red collar?" Luigi inquired.

"Was it also transparent and lacking ears?" Ashley asked.

"Yeah! That's him!"

"I can only wonder why you didn't mention those features to begin with, as opposed to his height and collar color..." Ashley snidely remarked. Luigi could only force a smile.

"He ate my doll and went that way. My friend is chasing after him," before going off in the same direction. Luigi and Melody begrudgingly followed her.

* * *

><p>"Get back here!" Red demanded, waving his pitchfork at the Polterpup. Eventually, the pooch stopped running and sat down.<p>

"Gotcha!" Red exclaimed and he leapt for the ghost-dog...

...only to pass right through him and hit a tree.

"I should've thought that through..." Red mumbled and he slowly sank to the ground. The Polterpup pounced onto his body and licked his face.

"Yuck!"

"Red!" somebody called.

"Ashley?"

Ashley, Luigi and Melody appeared. The Polterpup immediately jumped into Luigi's arms.

"I'd like my doll back..." said Ashley.

"Spit it up," Luigi commanded. The Polterpup whimpered and upchucked the doll for Ashley to catch.

"Who are these people?" asked Red.

"It doesn't matter. We're leaving."

"What? But we just got here!"

"Yes, but despite what the book said, there doesn't seem to be any ghosts around here besides that dog."

"Actually, this place used to be crawling with ghosts, before I captured them all," said Luigi.

"Captured? Where are they?" she asked, suddenly interested.

Luigi imagined her breaking into the lab, releasing King Boo's army and dooming the Mushroom Kingdom as he knew it.

"...I sent them far, far away. I don't know their current location," he lied.

"Why would you do that?!"

"Why wouldn't I do that?" Luigi mumbled.

"You know, you still haven't answered the million-dollar question. Why are you even out here?" Melody pressed.

"If you _must_ know, I was trying out a new teleportation spell. I figured I'd kill two bats with one stone by going somewhere haunted, but the only thing in these woods that's even remotely unsettling is that guy's nose..."

"Hey!" Luigi protested.

"Red. We're going," she said.

Red sighed and morphed into a scepter again. Ashley waved it through the air, uttered a demonic chant...

...And nothing happened.

"Huh... It won't work for some reason."

Red changed back to normal.

"I can't get it to work again," she admitted.

"Then how are we supposed to get home?"

"We'll just have to fly around until we see it."

"How about we head back to my place so we can figure out which way you're supposed to go?" Luigi suggested.

"What?" said Ashley.

"WHAT?!" exclaimed Melody.

"Yay!" cheered Red.

* * *

><p><em>Back at the mansion...<br>_

Everyone was sitting at the table. Red was devouring the plate of cookies before him while Ashley and Melody glared daggers at each other.

"So, uh... I'll ask the Professor if he knows the way to Diamond City," Luigi said as he left in a hurry.

The two continued to stare each other down. Red accidentally dropped his last cookie on the floor, and the Polterpup went right after it. Red tried to intercept him, but the Pup simply passed through him and devoured the treat. He barked happily and bolted into the next room.

"I have a bone to pick with that thing!" Red declared as he gave chase.

Ashley and Melody still didn't budge.

"...How old are you, anyway?" Melody asked.

"Eight or fifteen, depending on what country I'm in."

Melody raised her eyebrow in irritated confusion.

"How is it that you're no longer a ghost?" Ashley asked.

"The Professor revived me with an invention of his."

"Pfft. That's a joke. Resurrection is a job for magic, not science."

"Well, that's how he did it. I bet he could also invent something to fix that attitude of yours..."

"Puh. I don't care what anyone thinks of my attitude."

"You must not have too many friends, then."

Ashley's face contorted slightly. Melody spied the weakness instantaneously.

"I knew it! You have no friends!"

"Red is my friend..."

"But he's your only friend, isn't he?"

"N-no... that's not true... There are those people I used to make microgames with."

"Those are just co-workers. It's not the same as..."

Melody stopped short when something occurred to her.

"...Did you say microgames?"

"Yeah. What of it?" she asked, suspicious of Melody's sudden drop in aggression.

"I've only ever heard of one microgame company," said Melody.

"Well, that's because there _is _only one. It's called WarioWare Inc, founded by- you guessed it- Wario. I quit because that greedy fatso-"

"Never paid you?" Melody finished.

Ashley was silent for a few moments.

"...Have you met him, by any chance?"

"I... er... went on a date with him once."

Ashley's eye twitched.

"It was to prove to my friend Luigi that he couldn't possibly do worse!" Melody blurted before Ashley could pass an unfortunate judgement.

"Wow. I can't believe you'd go out with someone so obnoxious just for a friend."

"Well, that's what friends do for each other. I wouldn't expect you to understand..." Melody said, crossing her arms.

Ashley narrowed her eyes and looked away.

"I wish I had more friends..." Ashley mumbled.

"Pardon?" Melody asked.

"I said, I wish I had more friends..." she repeated.

Melody looked at her. For once, it was a look of sympathy.

"...I wish I did, too," she admitted.

Ashley perked up.

"But I thought...?"

"Luigi's a great friend, but he's the only one I consistently spend time with. I have another friend, but I haven't seen her since the night I met her, mostly because she doesn't spend much time on this planet."

"What about this 'professor' the green guy mentioned?" Ashley asked, oddly uninterested by the "on this planet" comment.

"He's a decent fellow, but he's too far out of my age range. He's more of an acquaintance."

There was an awkward silence.

"So... How long were you a ghost?"

"I don't remember how long exactly, but it was for decades. I was only resurrected a few months ago."

"Was it really by a machine?"

"It was. You'd be surprised by what the Professor can do."

"Where is it now?"

"Probably in a landfill somewhere. It overheated and exploded after he used it on me. He's working on a new model with a better cooling system."

"Huh... I may have underestimated the power of technology."

Another awkward silence.

"So... what's your story?" Melody asked.

"I'm just a witch. I ride brooms and cast spells and such. Red can transform into just about anything, so long as it's close to his size, so I use him as my broom or scepter."

"He doesn't mind that?"

"Not as far as I can tell. In fact, he seems enthusiastic about everything I do, though he does get freaked out sometimes."

"I see..."

"Unfortunately, everyone else thinks I'm creepy, and that's why I don't have too many friends. But what's your problem? You don't seem very creepy."

"My problem is the fact that I was dead for so long. Things are very different now than they were back then, so I'm kind of a fish out of water. I obviously don't have contact with any of my old friends or relatives anymore, and I haven't had too many opportunities to meet new people."

They stared deeply into each others' eyes, but this time, it wasn't in a contemptuous manner.

* * *

><p>Luigi walked in through the front door. Red was lying down in the foyer, exhausted by his unsuccessful attempts to exact revenge on the Polterpup. Luigi ignored them and made his way to the dining room.<p>

_"I hope those two aren't fighting..." _he thought.

He opened the door and was shocked to see Melody and Ashley...

...having a friendly chat.

"Being dead isn't as bad as people make it out to be. I mean, I got to control music sheets and make them attack people!" Melody bragged.

"That reminds me of a spell I cast on some sheets of paper once. Unfortunately, instead of attacking people, they folded themselves into cranes and flew away..."

"I... um... figured out which way you're supposed to go," Luigi said coyly, handing Ashley a map.

"Oh... Okay then..." she said as she examined it.

Everyone's eyes wandered from person to person for a few uncomfortable seconds.

"Why don't you show me one of your spells before you go?" Melody suggested.

"Well, I normally use Red for spells, but there are some things I can do on my own."

Ashley waved her fingers and launched a bolt of magic. It hit Luigi's cap, causing it to float about freely.

"What the-?!"

"Neat!" said Melody.

The cap dropped to the floor and melted into a puddle of shadow. It then slipped under the door.

"That... wasn't supposed to happen..." said Ashley.

The shadow slithered its way down the hall and into the foyer, with Luigi, Melody and Ashley in hot pursuit. As it made its way through the foyer, the Polterpup spotted it and gave chase. Soon, everybody caught up to it outside.

The shadow lingered for a bit before it reemerged as Luigi's hat.

"Okay, that's enough magic tricks. Get back on my head please," Luigi pleaded in a vain attempt to prevent the madness that was about to occur.

The hat vibrated and poured a dark mist. The blackness continuously shifted form until it assembled itself into a shadowy version of Luigi...

...with no limbs. The Polterpup growled at it.

"Well, this is disturbing," said Melody.

"I was expecting worse, to be honest," said Ashley.

"I would still like my cap back-"

The shadowy Luigi flung itself through the air, crashing into Luigi and knocking him off his feet.

"Holy forte!" Melody exclaimed.

The shadow madly flopped about. Melody struggled to avoid its crazed flailing.

"This... actually impresses me a little..." said Ashley.

The shadow threw itself at her, sending her to the ground.

"Ouch."

"What's going on out here?" asked Red, shutting the door behind him.

The shadow let out a static-y, distorted screech and attacked Red.

"AAAAAAAAHHH!"

Red sprinted out of the way, leaving the shadow to collide with the door.

"Okay, enough is enough," said Ashley. "Red, do it!"

Red jumped into the air and transformed into a scepter, landing in Ashley's hand.

The shadow screeched again, rotating erratically and it soared for Ashley. She countered by shooting a beam of magic at it.

The freakish Luigi-lookalike lost momentum and fell to the ground. Seconds later, it tripled in size. Luigi and Melody screamed and turned blue.

"...Let me try that again," said Ashley.

She fired another beam at the shadow. This time, it gave off a warped, anguished wail as it evaporated into black gas. Soon, only Luigi's hat remained.

"There," she said as Red turned back to normal.

"You did it!" said Melody.

"Yeah, you did it!" said Luigi, donning his hat again.

"Yeah, she did it!" said Red, hugging the Polterpup. Then he realized something...

"Oh, so NOW I can touch you!" he complained. The Polterpup licked his face.

"Yes, I did do it," said Ashley, smiling lightly.

"So... I suppose it's time for you to go home now," said Melody.

"I suppose it is... Maybe you'll see me again sometime," said Ashley.

"Maybe..." said Melody.

"...I'm not really into emotional goodbyes, so goodbye," she said.

"Red, do it!"

Red turned into a broom, Ashley hopped on and flew away before anyone could speak.

Luigi and Melody watched the sky until E. Gadd approached from behind.

"Luigi, Melody, I-"

"Don't worry, Professor. We figured out what the bizarre energy was, and everything's fine now," said Luigi without looking at him.

"Actually, it's about me now! Or should I say... it's about _me-ow?_"

Luigi and Melody turned around and saw that E. Gadd was on all fours and dressed like a cat.

"One of my Toad assistants brought me a shiny bell, and it morphed me into a cat!" he rambled, scratching himself with his foot.

"Hmm, it looks like your assistant brought you a super bell. I've used them before. It wears off eventually like any other power-up," said Luigi.

"Okay, good. The sooner I can lose the urge to pounce on mice, the sooner I can get back to my resear-"

The Polterpup began to bark wildly. E. Gadd hissed loudly and scampered up a tree. The Pup continued to bark from below as the Professor clung to a branch, bristling his fur.

"I wonder why he doesn't just fly up there?" Luigi pondered.

"Probably because he's enjoying this as much as I am," Melody grinned.


	24. Ella Enchanted

**I'm back with a new chapter! This one features Neil and Ella (again) from Mario Golf: Advance Tour, so if you're unfamiliar with the characters, be sure to read about them on the Super Mario Wiki! Or just watch their game animations on YouTube. Either one works.**

**The reason I haven't been posting a lot lately is that I've been running out of ideas, but after looking back at the Mario Golf games I used to play, I felt inspired to write about my favorite golf characters again. So enjoy!**

It was evening at Isle Delfino, and Neil and Ella were in their room at Sirena Beach's hotel. Kid had arranged them a tropical vacation as a congratulations for their victory in the golf tournament. Neil was lying on his bed, watching TV, while Ella was polishing their trophy.

"Why did we bring the trophy with us, again?" asked Neil.

"Because we couldn't agree on who gets to keep it. Remember?" said Ella.

"Oh, yeah... Y'know, I still think I'd make a pretty good trophy keeper," said Neil.

_"Please. The trophy would get filthy like everything else you own," _she thought.

Neil switched to the news channel. The Koopa anchor was doing a report on how Peach and Daisy were holding a festival.

"I wish I was a princess just like them," Ella commented.

"Why's that?" asked Neil.

"Because it would be fun! Popularity, fancy dresses, my very own castle... preferably a medieval castle," she fantasized.

"Well, since you've brought it up, you do kinda look like Princess Daisy."

"I do?" she asked, turning around so she could see the TV.

"Well, not as much as _Azalea_, but you've definitely got a resemblance, what with the blue eyes and brownish hair."

"Is that so?" Ella said, smirking. "I'll be right back..."

Ella went into the bathroom and shut the door. Sometime later, she re-emerged wearing an elegant dress, makeup, and a crown. She had also let her hair down.

"What do you think, Neil?" she asked, twirling.

"W-wow! You look like royalty!" Neil stuttered, stunned by her appearance. In fact, he was so stunned that he never thought to ask where she got the outfit in the first place.

"So you think I'm princess material, then?" Her eyes glittered.

"Yeah! You could pass as Daisy's sister in that get-up!"

"Daisy's sister, huh?"

She lingered on the thought until a devilish grin spread across her face.

"Ella? What's that look for?"

"Oh, nothing! I'm gonna take a shower!" she said, skipping into the bathroom.

"That was... odd. I feel as though I should be suspicious," Neil mused.

The water cascaded loudly as Ella turned the shower on, but despite this, Neil could still hear her singing.

_Gonna put on my crown!  
><em>

_And my lovely gown!_

_I'll be royal for a day!_

_I'll be sure to have my way!_

_It'll only be for a while!_

_But I'll have a great big smile!_

_Don't give me sass, mister!_

_Because I'm Daisy's sister!_

"...She needs to work on her rhyming," Neil grumbled.

The water stopped and Ella walked out in a bathrobe.

"Ella, you aren't plotting something, are you?" Neil questioned.

"Me? Plotting? No! Why would you ask me that?"

"I heard you singing in the shower..."

"You were listening to me in the shower? Pervert!" she scolded, trying to change the subject.

"What? How is that perverted?" Neil replied, confused.

"Can't even take a shower these days without you dropping an ear on me. Self-control, Neil. Self-control."

She rolled over on her bed, pretending to be mad at him.

"Wha...?"

Neil was absolutely baffled as to what she was talking about, but he decided not to pursue the matter further. Ella's red herring had worked.

* * *

><p><em>The Next Morning...<em>

Neil woke up and looked at the clock. It was almost 10:30. He had slept in, as usual.

But what was unusual is that there was no sign of Ella...

"Huh? Where's Ella?" he wondered aloud. She had always been an early bird, but she never left without him. Something was up.

Neil changed out of his pajamas and went outside, where he saw a crowd of Piantas by the beach.

"What's going on over there?"

Neil got closer, and as he did, the answer to his question became apparent. And he didn't like it.

Ella was standing in the center of the crowd, wearing her fancy outfit and signing autographs.

"Oh, you gotta be _kidding_ me..."

Ella spotted him.

"Hi, stranger!" she greeted, waving. "Would you like an autograph from Princess Allee?"

"P-princess Allee...?" he repeated, grinding his teeth.

"She's none other than Princess Daisy's sister!" said one of the Piantas.

"That's right!" she sang. "What do you say we sit down for a bit and get to know each other?"

"...Sure! Sounds great!"

"Alright! Excuse me, everyone. I'll be back in a few minutes to sign more autographs."

Ella left her little crowd and sat at a table with Neil.

"_Ella! _What do you think you're doing?!" he demanded loudly enough to sound forceful, but not enough for the Piantas to hear.

"Signing autographs, of course. It's what I do, being a princess and all," she replied.

"But you're not really a princess!"

"I am to them," she said, winking.

"What if they figure out you're faking?"

"Relax, I'm only doing this for today. Nothing's going to go wrong. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to get back to my subjects... I mean fans!"

She got up and left. Neil shook his head.

* * *

><p><em>That evening...<br>_

Neil was lying in his bed, watching TV again. The door opened and Ella walked in.

"Oh, hey. How'd the princess thing go?"

"Great! It's everything I've ever dreamed! Too bad I couldn't get a castle..." she lamented. "How was your day?"

"Oh, it was okay... I just spent it doing fun stuff... Y'know, the fun stuff that we were supposed to do _together...__"_

"Oh..." Ella said sheepishly. She didn't realize she had been neglecting her friend.

"So, are you officially done being a princess?"

"Of course!" said Ella.

"And we'll actually do stuff with each other tomorrow?"

"Of course!" she repeated.

* * *

><p><em>The next morning...<em>

"You're pulling this stunt again?!" Neil snarled, sitting outside with Ella. Once again, she was wearing her dress and crown.

"I know I said I wouldn't, but I really liked being a princess! Please, just one more time!"

"Are you going to do this again tomorrow?"

"No, I won't! I promise!"

Neil moaned and collapsed face-first onto the table. Ella smiled apologetically and returned to her fans.

And so, Neil spent the rest of the day doing stuff alone. At sundown, they reunited at their hotel room.

"Did you do anything fun today, Neil?"

"Oh, I did plenty of fun things. Went fishing, walked a tightrope, rode a Yoshi, got thrown by some guy who said he was a Chuckster... Too bad you couldn't be there, Princess Allee..."

Ella laughed nervously and looked away.

"Anyway, I'm gonna go wash up."

Neil went into the bathroom, turned on the water and started singing.

_**F** is for friends who do stuff together!_

**_U _**_is for you and me!_

**_N _**_is anywhere and anytime at all!_

_Down here in the Cheep-Cheep sea!_

"Hey, he's singing that song from Bossbob Basspants," said Ella.

_**A **is for abandoned, like chopped liver!  
><em>

_**L **is for left behind!  
><em>

_(**O**h no!)_

_**N **is for nowhere and no time at all!  
><em>

_**E**lla, Ella, Ella, Ella, Ella..._

"Wow, that was really forced..." said Ella.

The water stopped and Neil came out.

"Something the matter?" Neil asked, noticing her slightly disturbed expression.

"No, nothing's wrong..." she said.

* * *

><p><em>The Next Morning...<br>_

Ella woke up early, as usual. She got out of bed, opened her drawer and looked at the dress.

Then she looked at Neil.

Then she looked at the dress again.

Then Neil again.

Then the dress again.

Then Neil again.

That's when she got an idea. She hopped back in bed and waited awhile for Neil to wake up. When he finally did...

"Ella? Are you still asleep? That's weird..."

He shook her by the shoulder, unaware that she wasn't really sleeping. Ella rolled in his direction and coughed loudly.

"Good morning, Neil..."

"Ella? Are you alright?"

"I... I think I'm sick," she said, coughing again.

"That's not good..." he said. "Why don't you stay in bed today?"

"But I promised I'd hang out with you..." she said, sniffling.

"Yeah, but you're sick. I'll be fine by myself."

He changed into his normal clothes and headed for the door.

"I'll bring you back some soup later, okay?"

"Okay."

He shut the door. Ella waited twenty minutes before she sprang out of bed and donned her princess outfit. Giggling like a small child, she skipped her way through the hall, down the stairs, out the front door...

...and right into Neil.

"Well, well, well. Fancy meeting you here, Princess Allee," he said contemptuously.

"Um... I... uh..."

"Yeah, so much for being sick, huh?" he growled before stomping off.

"Neil, no! Come back!" she pleaded. Neil didn't listen.

"Look, everyone! It's Princess Allee!" said a Pianta.

A crowd immediately formed around her, each Pianta trying to get her attention. But all Ella could focus on was the sight of Neil sitting alone on the beach...

"Alright everybody, listen up. I have a confession to make," Ella announced.

She removed her crown.

"I'm not-"

Everyone gasped.

"...Why's everybody gasping? I haven't said it yet."

"Your crown! You took it off!" someone exclaimed.

"So what?"

"I've never seen a princess do that before!" shrieked another.

"I can't believe my eyes!"

"I didn't think they were removable!"

"Don't princesses wear crowns at all times?"

"What sorcery is this?!"

Ella was getting irritated.

"Look, what I was trying to say is that I'm not really a-"

"My whole life has been a lie!" said a Pianta, talking over her.

"Tell me, for how long have you been aware that you can take your crown off?"

"You almost look like a different person!"

Ella sighed very loudly.

"Hey, who wants my crown?" she asked.

Everyone perked up like Chain-Chomps at the sight of a bone. Ella threw the crown down the hall and they all chased after it, giving her the chance to sneak back to her room. The hall was soon filled with the sounds of Piantas fighting each other.

* * *

><p>Neil nonchalantly stared at the ocean, twiddling his finger across the sand...<p>

...Until someone held out a lemonade for him. Puzzled, Neil accepted the drink and looked up. Ella was standing before him in a red checkered bikini, smiling warmly.

"Oh... hey..." he said, desperately fighting the urge to smile back. "So, are you still Princess Allee, or...?"

"Nah, I'm just Ella," she said.

There was a pause.

"Do you like your lemonade?" she asked.

"It's good... But what's with the leaf?"

"It's a mint leaf. They add a minty flavor."

"I know, but it doesn't look like a mint leaf," he said, scooping it out with his finger.

"Why is it brown, and why does it have eyes-"

He transformed into a tanooki.

"...Oh."

"That's definitely the bartender's fault", said Ella, chuckling.

There was another pause, this one longer than the last.

"Neil, I'm really sorry for neglecting you these past few days. I haven't been a very good friend," she blurted.

"And?" he asked.

"And you were right when you said that impersonating a princess is a bad idea."

"And?"

"And I should've spent more time having **_F-U-N _**with you, instead of leaving you _**A-L-O-N-E**_..."

"So you were listening to me in the shower, eh? Now who's a pervert?" he teased, grinning.

Ella grinned back and threw her arms around his neck.

* * *

><p>That evening, they were relaxing in their hotel room once again. They had spent most of the morning Blooper Surfing, and after that, they had gone to Pinna Park. It was a fun day, and they were both exhausted.<p>

"You were right, Neil. It is more fun when we do things together," said Ella.

"It sure is," said Neil.

"Neil?"

"Yeah, Ella?"

"You're my best friend," she said, her smile radiating with affection.

"You're my best friend, too," said Neil.

Ella picked up their trophy.

"Neil, I think you should keep the trophy," she said, offering it to him.

"No, you should keep it. You'll take better care of it," he said, pushing it away.

"Thanks, but I want you to have it," she said, pushing it in his direction.

"I want you to have it more," he said, pushing it in her direction.

As Neil and Ella continued to push the trophy back and forth, the Piantas downstairs were still beating the crap out of each other over the crown. Suddenly, a news bulletin flashed on a nearby TV.

"Attention everyone! This is the Delfino Emergency Broadcast System! We've recently received a number of reports claiming that Princess Daisy's sister has been vacationing on the island! However, Princess Daisy has been contacted about the matter and she has affirmed that she has no siblings! The woman claiming to be her sister is an impostor! That is all!"

There was a long, awkward silence. The Piantas took a good, long look at the crown and realized that it was, in fact, a piece of plastic.

They all looked amongst each other. Somebody coughed.

"...I still want it!" one of them shouted.

In an instant, they resumed fighting.


	25. Are You There, Mama? It's Me, Junior

**Before I begin, I'd like to make something clear: Yes, I am well aware that Nintendo no longer considers the Koopalings to be Bowser's children, but for the sake of the fic, I'm going to pretend that they still are (unless I decide to exploit this "retcon" for a future chapter, nyeheheh). There doesn't seem to be too many people who take Miyamoto's statement seriously, but I'm putting a disclaimer anyway just in case.**

**Now, on with the chapter...  
><strong>

"And so, from that day forth, the little boy knew that his mother would be watching him from the stars," said Bowser, finishing a bedtime story.

"Is my mama watching me from the stars?" asked Bowser Jr.

"...Yes, yes she is. Now goodnight," said Bowser, leaving the room.

Junior tried to get to sleep, but he couldn't stop thinking about his unknown mother. Then he thought back to the time Bowser lied and said it was Peach...

"I need a glass of water."

He got up and left his room. In the hallway, he ran into Iggy and Larry.

"Hey, Junior! Larry and I are going cow tipping at Moo Moo Meadows! You want in?"

"Nah," said Junior.

"More cows for us!" Iggy said, shrugging.

"Do you guys ever feel like there's somebody watching us from the stars?"

Larry tilted his head.

"Why would you ask something like tha-"

"Of course I do!" Iggy interjected. "And there is!"

"Huh?" went Junior.

"It's Rosalina, of course!" Iggy finished.

"R-Rosalina?!" Junior stammered, realizing that the description matched perfectly.

"Yeah, totally. And she's a pretty sweet chick. I mean, she did kind of ruin dad's plan to take over the universe, but she's still pretty sweet. Right, Larry?"

"Iggy! I thought we agreed not to talk about this!" Larry barked, grinding his teeth.

"Oh, come on! I don't see why our little quality time needs to be kept a secre-... Junior?"

Junior was long gone.

* * *

><p><em>"Could she really be my Mama?" <em>Junior thought, walking down a lonely path.

_"She was on Mario's side that one time... But maybe she and Papa just want different things? Maybe they got a divorce? That would explain why he and the others never talk about her..."_

He looked at the sky. The stars were twinkling.

_"Now that I think of it, she kinda looked like Peach. Maybe that's why he told me Peach was my mama! Because she reminds him of my real mama!"_

Junior nodded, satisfied with his conclusion.

_"The tricky part is finding her... But I know just the person who can help!"_

Junior approached a house in the middle of the woods and knocked on the door.

"I'm coming," said a voice.

The door opened.

"Eh? Who might you be?" asked E. Gadd.

"I'm the kid you gave that magic paintbrush to. Remember?" asked Junior.

"Oh! Well, long time no see, youngster! How'd that paintbrush treat you?"

"It was fun... while it lasted," Junior answered, having unpleasant memories of Mario defeating him over and over.

"Anyway, I need your help with something."

"Oh? What might that be?"

* * *

><p>"So let me make sure I understand this," said E. Gadd. "You want to meet Rosalina in person, and you need me to find a way to send you to her?"<p>

"Yeah, pretty much," said Junior.

"That won't be on easy task, sonny. She literally lives on a comet! You sure you can't just send her a letter or wait for a kart tournament?"

"No, this is urgent!"

"Alright, if you insist..."

E. Gadd led him to a large screen.

"This is my Pixelator. It's a teleportation device."

"Neat!"

"However, it can only teleport through screens, like on TVs or cameras. So you better hope she was one."

"Okay? Is that the only thing?"

"No. The other thing is that I need to pinpoint her location, which I can't exactly do because she's always moving. It would be a different story if I knew what the comet's readings are, but I don't."

"Can you figure it out?"

"Well, I could, if the comet were close by. But it's not."

"What if you had something that came _from _the comet? Could you track it then?"

E. Gadd thought for a moment.

"In theory, yes. I can't guarantee it, but it would certainly help. Doesn't it rain star bits every time the comet passes? Those would be helpful, I think."

"Did someone say star bits?" said the suitcase on E. Gadd's shelf.

"Oh, good evening, Stuffwell! I didn't know you were awake," said E. Gadd.

"I wasn't, but your conversation woke me up. Good thing, too, because I'm currently in possession of some star bits!"

He hopped to the floor and opened, revealing said star bits.

"Holy smackaroons! Where'd you get those?" asked E. Gadd.

"They're from the last Stardust Festival. I saved them."

"Thanks, Stuffwell. These are just what we need," he said, taking a star bit.

"Anytime, Professor! Now..."

_"He's gonna say it..." _thought E. Gadd.

"BACK TO SLEEP!"

Stuffwell jumped up and re-assumed his position on the shelf, presumably shutting down.

"Alright, youngster, give me a few minutes to set things up..."

E. Gadd did just that, putting the star bits in a chamber that was connected to his computer. After scanning them, he tacked away at his keyboard, trying to find a matching signal.

"...I found it!" the professor exclaimed.

"Really?"

"Well, I _think _so. The signal is coming from very far away, and it's moving at an incredible speed."

"Sounds like her comet to me," Junior grinned.

"We should hurry, then. I don't know how long I can maintain the connection."

E. Gadd quickly uploaded the data to his Pixelator and fired it up. The monitor glowed and Junior was absorbed into the screen bit by bit.

"Good luck, youngster!"

The last of Junior disappeared just as Luigi stepped inside.

"Wh-... Who was that?" asked Luigi.

"Oh, just some koopa kid. He wanted me to teleport him somewhere."

"Koopa kid...?"

Luigi scratched his head in concern.

"Could you describe him to me?"

* * *

><p><em>At the Comet Observatory...<em>

Rosalina was taking a bath, humming a peaceful tune, when suddenly, Luco barged in.

"MAMA!" he cried.

"Luco, what did I say about knocking before entering?" she said calmly but sternly.

"Sorry... But we have a situation on our hands! That koopa kid is back!"

"...Lemmy?" she asked, putting on a robe.

"No, the one that helped Bowser!"

Rosalina didn't say another word. With a wave of her wand, she materialized her dress around herself and went to address the situation.

"What's going on out here?"

The lumas flocked to her.

"He's back, Mama!"

"He came out of the TV, Mama!"

"Do something, Mama!"

"Hello, Mama!"

The last voice didn't sound like a luma's.

"It's you..." she muttered. The lumas parted, revealing that it was indeed Bowser Jr.

Rosalina immediately trapped him inside of a blue force field and levitated him closer.

"You have a lot of explaining to do," she said coldly.

"I've come home!" Junior said enthusiastically.

"Home?"

"You're my mama!"

"Mama...?"

Rosalina was baffled by this absurd claim.

"What makes you think I'm-"

"She's _our _mama!" Luco interrupted.

"Yeah!" the rest of the lumas agreed.

"You're _their _mama too?!" Junior marveled. "Wow, Mama, you must really get around!"

Rosalina's face turned beet red.

"They don't mean that literally," she retorted. "And I'm not your mama, neither figuratively nor literally."

"But my dad said that my mama is watching me from the stars! You're the only one who's supposed to do that!"

"I don't think your father meant that literally."

"Great! I came all the way out here and I still have no idea who my mama is!" he whined.

Rosalina sighed.

"Well, you can't have ours!" Luco complained.

"I'll never see my mama!" Junior screeched, flailing his limbs.

Suddenly, Rosalina's eyes widened. Something awoke in the back of her mind.

...

_"You have star bits in your eyes!" said a luma to Rosalina, who had woken up crying._

_Wiping her face, Rosalina replied, "these are tears, not star bits. I'm crying because I'll never see my mother ever again!" _

_At this, the luma began to cry too. "Mama, oh, Mama... waaaah!"_

...

"Mama? Are you okay?" asked Luco.

A single tear rolled down Rosalina's cheek.

"Mama...?"

"Listen," she said to Junior, removing the force field.

"I can't help you find your mother, but I do know a way you can narrow down your search.

"You do?" Junior replied.

* * *

><p><em>On the Starship Mario...<em>

Junior, Luco and Rosalina were standing before a door.

"Mama, are you sure you want to ask _him?_" Luco questioned, sounding worried.

Rosalina nodded and knocked on the door. It slowly creaked open.

"Who is it?" asked Lubba. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"It's me," said Rosalina.

Lubba's eyes flashed open when he realized who he was talking to.

"Rosalina! What brings you here?!"

His eyes opened even wider when he saw Bowser Jr.

"ACK! It's that koopa kid! Sit tight, Rosie, I'll get the bob-ombs-"

"That won't be necessary," said Rosalina. "In fact, there's something I'd like you to do for him."

"M-Me? Do something for _him_?!" Lubba stuttered.

Rosalina explained Bowser Jr's situation to Lubba and what she wanted him to do.

"You want me to take him to the Primordial Boo?!" Lubba was beside himself with shock.

"I do."

"That's an awfully dangerous task! Why does it have to be me?"

"Because I have lumas to attend to, and you owe me a favor."

"I do?"

_Flashback_

Lumas floated frantically in all directions, screaming in terror as a baby dino piranha rampaged in the Comet Observatory. Rosalina could only stand there and watch as it destroyed everything in sight, leaving a trail of damaged architecture in its wake. Amidst the chaos, Lubba floated into the Observatory and up to Rosalina.

"Thanks for babysitting my pet! She wasn't too much trouble, was she?" he asked.

Rosalina stared blankly at him.

_Flashforward_

"I knew I should've gotten rid of that thing sooner..." he muttered under his breath. "Alright, I'll take the kid to the Gruesome Grave Galaxy."

"Thank you, and good luck," she said, leaving.

"I'm going too," said Luco.

Rosalina looked back.

"Luco? Why would you...?"

"Somebody has to make sure Lubba doesn't screw up..." he whispered in her ear.

Rosalina was silent at first. She didn't like it, but he did raise a good point.

"Be back soon, okay? I'll be waiting up for you," she said, kissing him on the forehead.

"I will," said Luco.

And with that, she hopped from the Starship Mario to the Comet Observatory and drifted away.

_"I'm sure they'll be fine," _she thought. She sauntered to her room and turned on the TV.

"Coming up next is the newest episode of _Gearmos at Work_-"

The television abruptly turned to static and pixels started flying out.

"Oh!" Rosalina uttered in alarm.

The pixels amassed together until they formed a person. Rosalina was surprised to see him.

"Luigi? What brings you here?"

* * *

><p><em>Elsewhere...<em>

The Starship Mario had arrived at its destination, the Gruesome Grave Galaxy. On the outside, it appeared to be a huge mansion on a chunk of floating land, but in reality, it was actually an expansive cave with the _exterior _of a mansion.

"So who's this Primordial Boo?" asked Junior.

"She's an ancient boo who knows everyone who's ever died," said Lubba.

"D-Died?! Are you saying...?!"

"I don't know, kid. That's why we're here. If she's dead, then the Primordial Boo will know and you can give up searching. If she isn't, then you'll know she's out there somewhere."

"I guess that makes sense, but..."

"But what, kid?" asked Lubba.

"Yeah, but what?" Luco repeated.

"If she were dead, then I don't think I'd wanna know..."

"You wouldn't want to waste time looking for someone who might be dead, would you?" Luco asked seriously.

"N-No..."

"Alright then. Let's get this over with," Luco finished as he floated ahead.

"Whoa, not so fast!" Lubba called out. "This place is infested with the undead, and they're not very friendly! We need disguises!"

"These will do," said Luco, spying two boo mushrooms on the porch's columns. He snagged them both and tossed them to Lubba and Junior, turning them into boos.

"What about you?" asked Junior.

"Don't worry, I've got this," Luco said. With a spin, he transformed into a star bunny with orange ears.

"What kind of disguise is that?" Junior barked.

"He's gonna dazzle them with hip-hop! Har, har!" Lubba joked. Junior and Luco stared at him for a bit before Luco explained himself.

"I'm white, so they'll think I'm a ghost. Just roll with it."

"Whatever. Let's just go," said Junior.

"Hey, guys!" said Lubba.

"What?" they both asked.

"This is gonna be a trip to _die _for! Har, har!" he quipped.

There was yet another pause before they opened the front doors.

"Does he always make jokes like that?" Junior whispered to Luco.

"Unfortunately," said Luco.

As the trio ventured into the cave disguised as a mansion, the resident ghosts and skeletons gave them funny looks.

"You think they suspect anything?" Lubba wondered.

"Of course not. We blend right in," said Luco as he hopped along.

_"...That big boo with blue pants looks awfully suspicious," _Dry Bones thought, scratching its bony chin.

Countless boos lived (or unlived) in the cave, and they filled the place with their noisy and incessant laughter.

_"That's getting really, really annoying," _thought Junior. _"There has to be a way to make them stop..."_

Then he got an idea.

"Hey, Lubba- er, Lubboo! Tell a joke!" Junior commanded.

"What? What for?" asked Luco.

"You got it, kid!" Lubba said joyfully, ignoring Luco's protests.

"What do you call a bee that crawls out of the grave?"

"What?" they asked, Junior with feigned interest and Luco with straight disinterest.

"A _zombee! _Har, har!"

The boos immediately stopped their cackling. The whole cave was silent now.

"Thanks, Lubby," said Junior.

"Sure thing, ki-...HEY!" Lubba exclaimed when he realized what had happened.

"Now that's funny," said Luco.

Eventually, they reached the end of the cave _("Dead end! Har, har!")_, where they found a cloud of blue mist.

"Who goes there?" demanded a voice from inside the mist.

"We're looking for the Primordial Boo," said Lubba.

"That would be me."

The mist cleared, revealing a dark-blue boo with green eyes.

"I don't recognize you three. Whaddya want?" she said impatiently.

"We want to know whether or not a certain person is dead," said Luco.

The Primordial Boo glared at Luco.

"And just what are you doing in a place like this, little bunny?"

"Oh, I'm not just a bunny. I'm a ghost bunny."

"You can tell by his white tint!" Lubba added.

"Right..." she grumbled, not sounding convinced. "So who's this person and why do you want to know whether they're dead?"

"Because... Because this person is a ghost hunter! She's been hunting me for years now, but I haven't seen her lately, so I want to know if I can finally rest easy," Junior improvised.

"Oh, is that so? Can you describe her to me?"

"She's the wife of King Bowser! Or at least, she _was_... I'm not sure if she still is," Junior answered, telling the truth this time.

"King Bowser, huh? Okay, let see now..."

She closed her eyes and glowed brightly. When she was done, her glow dimmed and she opened her eyes.

"Well?" asked Junior.

"I have checked the Realm of Expiry for this person you speak of. I can confirm that she is-"

Without warning, the Primordial Boo lunged forward and grabbed Luco by the neck.

"Ack! What're you doing?! Let go!" he choked.

"Gladly!"

With a swing of her arm, the Primordial Boo tossed him through the air. To break his fall, Luco reverted to his luma form.

"I knew it! You're not really a ghost!"

In a quick motion, she conjured two balls of blue fire and hurled them at Junior and Lubba, destroying their boo suits.

"You're not ghosts either!" she roared.

"She saw _right through us!_" Lubba joked.

"Will you knock it off?!" Junior snapped.

"INTRUDERS! WE HAVE INTRUDERS!"

That instant, dozens of boos started phasing into existence. Soon, the trio was surrounded.

"I knew this was a bad idea!" Lubba shivered.

"I wish Mama was here!" Luco wailed.

"Don't give up yet, guys! There has to be a way out of this!" Junior insisted.

"Oh, there is no way out! Any last words before you join our ranks?" hissed the Primordial Boo.

Junior tried to ward off the boos by breathing fire, but it passed right through them.

"Sorry kid, but it looks like we're out of luck!" Lubba said with uncharacteristic resignation. "There's no light at the end of this tunnel."

Suddenly, a light shined from further down the tunnel.

"What the...?" Junior, the lumas and the boos all said in unison.

The light grew brighter and brighter, and the boos backed off to avoid it.

"Who dares bring light into my cave?!" the Primordial Boo bellowed. "I'm gonna-"

As the light drew closer, she could see that it was Luigi holding a flashlight.

"...IT'S THE GREEN MENACE!" she shrieked. The boos started chattering wildly.

"I thought he was a myth!"

"I can't believe he's real!"

"I heard he beat King Boo! Twice!"

"I don't wanna get sucked up!"

They continued to confabulate amongst themselves until the Primordial Boo broke out into hysteria.

"FLEE! FLEE FOR YOUR NON-LIVES!"

And so, they all fled.

"Good timing, Luigi!" Luco cheered.

"Yeah, good timing! I thought we were done for!" said Lubba.

"I don't understand. How did they know about me?" Luigi pondered.

"Word spreads fast across the galaxies, Luigi. Especially when it comes to ghosts," said Lubba.

"What're you doing out here, anyway?" asked Junior.

"I'm here because of _you! _E. Gadd told me that he sent you into space, so I came after you. I don't know what your evil plan is, but I'm going to put a stop to it!"

"Surprisingly, he doesn't have an evil plan this time. He just wanted to find out whether his mother is alive or dead. The mission failed spectacularly, though," Luco lamented.

"How did you know we were here?" Lubba asked.

"Rosalina knew and gave me a ride here."

"She did? Where is she now?" Luco asked.

"Right outside."

Luco headed for the exit at mach speed. Luigi and Lubba followed suit and Junior begrudgingly tagged along.

* * *

><p>"So it didn't work out?" Rosalina asked, holding Luco in her arms.<p>

Junior shook his head and grumbled.

"Sorry to hear that..." she said. "Let's get you back to your home planet."

Rosalina shined brightly, making it impossible for anyone to see. When the light cleared, Junior was gone.

"Well, that was... abrupt..." said Luco.

"It didn't seem like he had much to say..." said Rosalina.

There was a silence.

"Is it just me, or is there something off about you?" Lubba questioned.

"Yeah, you don't look so good, miss," said Luigi.

"I'm fine," she said. "Luigi, would you like me to teleport you home?"

"No thanks. I was thinking I'd hitch a ride with Lubba for old times' sake, if it's alright with him."

"Oh, it's alright with me," said Lubba. "Good night, Rosalina."

"Yeah, good night," Luigi said, leaving with Lubba.

"Mama, are you sure you're okay?" asked Luco.

An apricot luma wearing Mario's cap patted her on the shoulder, wondering the same thing.

"I'm fine," she assured them. Quietly, she walked to her bedroom and opened one of her shelves, pulling out a pen and piece of paper.

* * *

><p><em>The next day...<br>_

E. Gadd was conducting experiments in his lab when somebody knocked on his door.

"Yes?" he asked as he answered it.

"You've got a letter," said Mailtoad. "Have a nice day!"

E. Gadd tore the envelope and pulled out a piece of paper. It read the following:

_Dear Elvin Gadd,_

_In the future, please refrain from sending people through my television set._

_Sincerely, _

_Rosalina._


	26. Back to the Alternate Future Part 1

**Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the sequel to "Snowbell of the Future"! I can't believe it's been two years since I wrote that… time certainly flies!**

Snowbell was sitting by a lake, watching the moonlight shimmer against the water's surface. She was deep in thought, reminiscing about how she had traveled back in time, defeated Queen Boo and undone the apocalypse.

She held out her hand and produced a sphere of radiant ice. It glistened like a tiny celestial body, the dazzling glow illuminating her cyan eyes. Then, in a quick motion, the ball was cast skyward, where it exploded into glitterings grains of frost.

Snowbell smiled. It had been just over a month since her battle with the ghost army, and her job as a performer had earned her enough money to buy a house for herself and Elder Troopa. It also gave her countless opportunities to use her powers in creative ways, all to the advent of roaring applause.

Her new life in the past was undoubtedly much better than her old life in the undone future.

However, Snowbell's heart wasn't without bitterness, because deep down, she felt as if her deed had gone unrecognized. Did she save everyone? Yes. Was everyone thankful that she saved them? Yes. Did they understand what she had saved them from, exactly?

No.

Elder Troopa knew the terrible future that Snowbell had erased, because they were from the same time period, and Rosalina knew as well, due to a cosmic memo that her future self had left on Snowbell. But nobody else had a frame of reference for what would've befallen them. They did not truly grasp the magnitude of her victory.

To Snowbell, she had prevented history's greatest disaster and delivered millions from certain destruction.

But to everyone else, she had simply trumped another villain.

Talk about a downplay.

She was constantly trying to convince herself that it didn't matter, because justice shouldn't need recognition. But at the end of the day, she still felt empty on the inside.

Snowbell let out a cold sigh and headed home, her blizzard-white hair flowing in the wind.

"I guess it's not the end of the world if nobody knows that I prevented the end of the world…" she muttered as she strolled down the dirt pathway.

Unbeknownst to her, she was being watched.

"Yes… She is the one! Her temporal aura tells no lies," said a distant watcher.

"I shall put the plan into action tomorrow…"

* * *

><p><em>Elsewhere…<em>

Kamek was sitting in his room, gazing at his crystal ball. For whatever reason, it was glowing very brightly, and Kamek seemed bewildered by what it was "showing" him.

"What's this...?"

He looked closer, and what he saw frightened him.

"Oh, my!"

* * *

><p><em>The Next Morning<em>

Snowbell stepped outside, her body literally steaming. Soon after she had settled into the Mushroom Kingdom, Snowbell discovered something unfamiliar to her: the joy of a hot shower. She learned to relish the commodity, but unfortunately, she may have enjoyed it a little too much. Her bathing sessions tended to be rather… lengthy, and the warm vapor emanating from her body was the result of her wintry powers reacting to the broiling water.

She was glad that Elder Troopa was a late riser, because the last thing she wanted was a lecture about wastefulness.

Snowbell needed to run some errands, so she started skating her way towards town, leaving a trail of ice in her wake. However, she was only able to travel a few yards before someone jumped into her path.

"Whoa!"

Snowbell sprang into the air, narrowly missing the interloper, and collided with a tree branch. She hit the ground with a thud, stray leaves settling on top of her.

"Hey, what's the big idea?!" she complained, rubbing her sore bum.

"What's the big idea, indeed…" said the stranger as he adjusted his glasses.

* * *

><p>Kamek pointed his wand in seemingly arbitrary directions, almost as if it were a dowsing rod.<p>

"Are you getting anything?" Bowser asked.

"Unfortunately, no," said Kamek. "It can't be far, though. There's no way he could've-"

Kamek's wand vibrated violently, shaking his whole body.

"I've got it! I've got it!" he chanted.

"The time hole is that way!"

* * *

><p>Snowbell stared perplexedly at her surprise visitor. He was an old Magikoopa garbed in a brown, tattered robe, and he sported a pair of glasses that had a swirly pattern on either lens.<p>

"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Quo", he said, bowing.

"Um… okay? I'm Snowbell," she said reluctantly.

"Pleasure to make your acquaintance. Allow me to clean you up."

Quo twirled his wand, and in an instant, the stray leaves flew off Snowbell's body.

"Now, you're probably wondering why I blocked your path…"

"I am, actually…" she mumbled with a tinge of bitterness.

"I assure you that it is a matter of utmost importance."

Quo took a deep breath and cleared his throat, as if he were mentally preparing himself. Snowbell raised her eyebrow.

"If I'm not mistaken, you made some adjustments to the timeline."

"How did you know that?" Snowbell asked with far less astonishment than Quo expected. In fact, she seemed almost happy.

"I am the last member of a tribe known as the Chronos Wizards, and I have the ability to sense temporal shifts," he explained.

"Temporal shifts?"

"Yes. They're chronological changes that are invoked by time travel, and you triggered a particularly massive one roughly a month ago. Biggest one I've ever encountered."

"Yeah, I know. It was for everyone's own good," she stated curtly, not wanting him to think that she had done anything wrong.

"Oh, I'm well aware of that. You see, I hail from the same future as you."

Snowbell was stupefied.

"The same future?!"

Elder Troopa sat up in his bed and yawned.

"What time is it?" he wondered groggily. He glanced at the clock and was startled by how much he had slept in.

"Holy Monty Moley, I'm gonna be late for my outing!"

Elder Troopa got out of bed and made his way downstairs.

"Snowbell, I'm leaving to meet with the Professor. I'll be back in an hour or two."

No response.

"She must be running errands…" he concluded.

He stepped outside and set course for his rendezvous point.

* * *

><p>Snowbell was following Quo to an unknown location.<p>

"So what you're telling me is that the bad future still exists?" Snowbell asked with mixed feelings.

"Yes. You succeeded in creating a new future, but you didn't erase the old one. Both realities exist simultaneously."

"So what you're telling me is that I made a split timeline?"

"Precisely!"

_"So I did all that for nothing, then?"_ she thought as she clenched her teeth.

"Hey, wait a minute! How did you know that I was the one who changed the future?"

"It had to be you because you're the only person here with a matching temporal aura," he answered.

"Temporal aura?"

"Yes. It's like DNA, but for time pools, and only certain individuals can detect it. Everyone has a temporal aura, and it always matches their respective time period. Yours is in sync with the future."

"I see…" she said, pretending to understand him. "So what do you need me for?"

"I need you to rally up the denizens of the future and bring them to the new timeline. You can accomplish this through a time hole that I've opened."

"Whoa, whoa, slow down. You want me to bring everyone into the past?"

"This technically isn't the past anymore, but-"

"Why couldn't you have done that yourself as soon as you realized that the timeline changed? Better yet, why didn't you go back in time to stop the disaster?" she pressed aggressively.

"Cool your jets, Snowbell," he said, holding up his hands defensively. Snowbell puffed a ball of mist.

"There are perfectly good explanations behind all those things. I didn't escort everyone myself because nobody is supposed to know that I exist, and I didn't try to stop the disaster because my job is to oversee the timeline, not fiddle with it. It would've been a moot point either way, because I've still yet to figure out what the disaster was, exactly. I'm sure you could tell me, but we have bigger Cheep-Cheeps to fry right now."

"...Okay, I can accept the second answer, but why can't anyone know that you exist?"

"Chronos Wizards are capable of opening time portals, sensing temporal auras, and countless other feats that I don't intend to reveal. Point is, I'm a mage of great power, and knowledge of my existence would inevitably result in somebody wanting said power for themself. Ergo, keeping myself hidden from the masses is a necessity."

He leveled his wand at Snowbell.

"I was, however, willing to make an exception for you, because I felt as though the cause was important enough to warrant revealing myself to somebody. You're the sole person in this time period that understands the future, and that makes you the perfect candidate for this mission. So are you in, or are you not?"

Snowbell looked away, slightly embarrassed. "Yes, I'm in," she said softly.

"Good. Now let's keep moving. The portal isn't far."

Quo was wrong when he said that Snowbell was the "sole person" who understood the future, but she decided against correcting him.

"So… What happened to the other Chronos Wizards?" she inquired.

Quo grimaced.

"Well…"

"Well, what?" Snowbell pressed.

There was a brief pause before Quo finally answered.

"Originally, the Chronos Wizards were a peaceful tribe that oversaw the timeflow. But as the years dragged on, some of us became corrupt, and wanted to use their powers for evil. The remainder of us weren't going to let that happen without a fight, so a war ensued. Tragically, I'm the only one who survived."

"That's terrible…"

"Indeed. But enough about my history. We're almost there."

Quo used his magic to part two bushes, revealing a clearing in the woods. In it, there was a crater with a yellow-and-pink swirly pattern.

"Over there. That's the portal," he said, grinning.

"So… do I just hop in?" Snowbell was worried. This was different than her previous method of time travel.

"Yes, it's perfectly safe. I'll show you."

Quo jumped into the portal and vanished in a vortex of light. Snowbell gulped and followed suit.

* * *

><p><em>Seventy years into the "old" future…<em>

The time-hole regurgitated Snowbell through the air and onto the dusty ground.

"Ouch…" she groaned, having landed face-first

"It takes some getting used to," Quo teased.

"Clearly," Snowbell growled, using her frosty hands to sooth her aching temples.

The future was different than Snowbell had remembered it. It was still barren, and there were still lava pools, but the sky was blocked out by a strange, rainbow luminescence that seemed to form a dome around the surrounding landscape. It was also emitting strange symbols that were shaped like squares, triangles and circles.

"I'm guessing that this is part of the shift thing you mentioned earlier…?" she asked

"Yes, it is," Quo answered bluntly.

Snowbell wanted to know more, but she decided that there were more pressing matters at hand.

"So, where do I start? I don't see anyone around."

"Here comes someone right now," Quo said, indicating at a silhouette in the distance. "Good luck!"

Quo teleported away, leaving Snowbell to deal with her first "client". But as the figure drew closer, it became more and more apparent that something wasn't right.

"Wait… Is that a...?"

The fellow was a Dry Bones. It snickered and waved at her.

"What the heck is going on here-"

Snowbell's vision went blurry as something struck her in the back. Squares, triangles and circles orbited her body as she collapsed and lost consciousness.

"Thanks for the distraction," said Quo, grinning maniacally. "My knockout spell takes awhile to charge."

* * *

><p><em>Soon…<em>

Snowbell awoke inside of a green, transparent bubble.

"Where am I…?"

"You're precisely where I want you to be," Quo said with a nod.

"Quo?! What're you doing?!"

"Betraying you, of course!" he laughed, twiddling his wand like a baton. "I can't believe you actually bought all those lies I told you! 'Chronos Wizards', haha!"

Snowbell sprayed her prison with frigid mist, but this accomplished nothing.

"Oh, don't bother with that. Your ice powers won't do you any good, now," he said, smirking triumphantly.

Snowbell scowled and said nothing. Quo's cocky smile melted into an impatient frown.

"…Well?!"

"Well, what?"

"Aren't you going to ask what my evil plan is?"

"I don't care what your stupid plan is! I just want out!" she complained, kicking the bubble.

Quo facepalmed.

"Bah, I'll explain it to you anyway," he grumbled.

"Despite all the lies I told you, I was honest about one thing: I really did sense a temporal shift, and it really was the biggest one I've ever felt. So powerful, in fact, that it nearly wiped this time period from existence!"

He aimed his wand skyward.

"The lights you're seeing are a spell I casted to preserve this space," he clarified. "I would've saved more, but I only had seconds to act."

He lowered his wand, pointing it at Snowbell.

"I knew instantly that somebody must've used time travel to change the future. So I went to the past, tracked you down, and brought you back here!"

"What for?"

"To fix the mistake you made, of course!"

"Mistake?! I did the world a favor!" she barked. "Are you trying to bring back the old future, or something?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm doing!"

Snowbell's jaw dropped.

"Are you out of your mind?!" She tried freezing her container to no avail.

"Oh, my mind is as sharp as ever. See, the reason I'm doing this is that-"

"Shut up! I don't want to know!" she spat. "You won't get away with this!"

"Oh? And who's going to stop me?" Quo laughed.

"I WILL!" a voice bellowed.

Quo recoiled in alarm as a giant fireball struck the ground and exploded in his face. Seconds later, he teleported above the flames, his robe smoldering as he sat atop a broom.

"Who dares to-?!"

The wizard stopped short when he saw his aggressor.

"…Well, I'll be…"

He hastily spun around and flew away.

"Get back here you coward!" the fire-breather roared.

Confused, Snowbell took a good look at the person who had just rescued her. It was none other than Bowser, and he was accompanied by Kamek and the seven Koopalings.

_"Isn't he supposed to be one of the bad guys?"_ Snowbell wondered.

"Who's this girl?" Bowser asked.

"It appears he was holding her captive," Kamek answered.

Bowser lightly squeezed Snowbell's bubble, shattering it.

"Wow, you made that look so easy…" she said.

"Alright, lady, I want some answers! What did he want with you?" Bowser probed.

"I don't know! He said he needed me to bring back the old future, but he didn't say why."

"Old future...?"

"The Future Me needed you for his scheme? Good, that means we still have time…" said Kamek.

"The Future You?!" Snowbell stammered.

"Back up! What is this old future?!" Bowser demanded.

"Wait, wait, so you're Quo from the past?!" Snowbell questioned.

"Answer my question!"

"No, answer mine!"

"Hoo boy, we have a lot of sorting out to do…" Kamek sighed.

"My name isn't Quo, by the way."

* * *

><p>Quo, or rather, Future Kamek, scurried into a rocky cave. The interior vaguely resembled a throne room.<p>

"Did you find the guy?" a ghastly voice asked.

"It's a girl, and yes, I did," Future Kamek replied.

"Well? Where is she?" He sounded impatient.

"I… lost her," the wizard said shamefully.

"What?! How did that happen?!"

"I had her in my possession, but before I could perform the spell, I was interrupted."

A fearsome growl shook the cave.

"Who interrupted you?"

Future Kamek told him who.

"You… You mean…?!"

"Yes. Ironic, isn't it?" Future Kamek remarked.

"How did he even get here? You remembered to close the portal, didn't you?"

Future Kamek didn't respond, instead whistling innocuously.

"Brilliant! Leave it to my top wizard to leave a portal open!"

He shook his head and got to his feet.

"Come on. We're finishing what we started."

* * *

><p>"So you're telling me that you fixed the future?" said Bowser.<p>

"And you're telling me that your lackey foretold the arrival of his future self?" said Snowbell.

Ludwig held up a notepad.

"Okay, here's what I got from your conversation. This Snowbell person is a time-traveler who came back to change the future. She succeeded, but the Kamek of the future used his magic to protect a portion of the world from the temporal reboot. He then went back in time himself so he could retroactively revert the world to its previous state, as predicted by our Kamek, but in order to accomplish this, he needed to bring Snowbell back to the future. Meanwhile, we tracked down his time hole to find and put a stop to him, which brings us to where we are now. …That all made sense, right?"

"No, not really," said Lemmy.

"Girl go back in time and change future. Future Kamek no like. Future Kamek save piece of future and go back for girl. Future Kamek need girl to bring back old future," Ludwig said robotically.

"Now you're speaking my language!" Lemmy cheered.

"So this place is sort of like a pocket dimension, then?" Roy asked.

"Yes, one that can survive a cosmic retcon! My magic has become very advanced!" Kamek gushed.

Everybody scowled at Kamek.

"Oh, right… That's a bad thing…"

"Well, I for one think that this future sucks, and that Snowball did us all a favor," said Wendy.

"My name is Snowbell…"

"I'm with Wendy on this one. Why would Future Kamek prefer this? I like lava pools and all, but this is just lame!" said Morton.

"I know, right? The years turned Kamek into a gigantic tool!" Iggy laughed.

"Gee, thanks, Master Iggy. That's very reassuring," Kamek grumbled.

"Alright, enough chatter! I can't rule the Mushroom Kingdom if there's no kingdom to rule, so let's deal with Kamek's crazy future self and be done with it!" Bowser insisted.

"You can run along now," said Larry, nudging Snowbell.

"Huh?"

"We've got all the info we need, so head home. Us Koopas will take it from here."

"Oh, no! That guy made it personal by putting me in that bubble, so I'm coming too!"

"Oh, pshaw! What can you do?" Larry scoffed, mockingly scratching her chin.

Snowbell grabbed his finger and froze it solid.

"…Ouch."

"Let's roll!" Snowbell hollered as she skated forward. Bowser and Kamek glanced at each other, shrugged, and silently followed her.

"When I find that guy, I'm gonna give him such a-"

A ball of light hit the ground and burst, narrowly missing Snowbell. Future Kamek had returned.

"Quo! Or should I call you Kamek?" she hissed.

"Quo, Kamek… The label doesn't matter. Case in point, I need you for my endgame."

"And why's that?"

"Oh, so NOW you're asking questions! Well, I suppose I might as well tell you," he said snobbishly.

"My original idea was to go back in time and deliver a preemptive strike against you, so it would have been as if you had never changed the future in the first place. However, I have tried that approach many times before and have never been successful (thanks to those darn Yoshis…), so I decided to switch to a new tactic."

"Switching to a new tactic… I know someone who should try that sometime…" Ludwig muttered under his breath.

"I've spent the past month developing a new spell, one that I like to call… the Undo Hex. Cool name, huh?"

"Rolls off the tongue like a Spiny", Snowbell said with a sarcastic eyeroll.

"When the Undo Hex is cast on somebody, every action they've ever performed will be immediately undone, which means the results of every action they've ever performed will be undone as well."

"So if you were to use it on me, the future would return to normal?"

"Yes, and it doesn't stop there. The spell will also fling you into an isolated, timeless dimension, and I'm the only one who'll retain any memories of you! A nice touch, if I do say so myself," he cackled. "Granted, it won't work unless the target is in their own time period, and they need to be contained while I imbue the magic, but that won't be an issue soon enough."

"You're not gonna win! There's ten of us and only one of you!" she said, motioning at the Koopas.

"Oh, I know I can't beat all of you myself. That's why I bought company of my own."

The ground shook as a bony behemoth advanced from the distance, its eyes alit with a sinister red glow.

"I-is that…?!" Kamek stuttered.

"No… Way…" the Koopalings said in unison.

"That's… That's…" Bowser gaped at the realization.

"You were right, Kamek… My past self really did come through the time portal," said Dry Bowser. "It's a shame that he's fighting for the wrong side, though. I'll have to knock some sense into him..."

**TO BE CONTINUED  
><strong>


	27. Back to the Alternate Future Part 2

On one side was the Koopa King, his top wizard, seven Koopa Kids and a girl with cryokinesis.

On the other side was an incredibly powerful reality-warping maniac and his undead boss.

This would undoubtedly be an interesting confrontation.

"Okay. Whoa. Why is Future Dad a skeleton?" Roy asked.

"I'm a skeleton because nothing can keep me down for long, not even death. This isn't even the first time this has happened," he explained.

"Yeah, I'm pretty awesome," Bowser bragged.

"Indeed, you are… Which is why I fail to understand why you're fighting against this future, instead of embracing it," Dry Bowser hissed.

"Why would you- no, why would _I_ want this future? At what point did I lose my mind and decide that this is better than the Mushroom Kingdom?" Bowser questioned.

"You never went crazy… You just grew wiser," Dry claimed. "I still vividly remember the days when I tried to conquer the Mushroom Kingdom. No matter how persistent I was, my efforts were always thwarted by Mario and his cohorts. But in these ravaged lands, there is nobody who can stand against me. Uprisings, revolts, rebellions… They are all non-issues. I am the unchallenged ruler of this future, and my rule is certain to be eternal… Or rather, it was, until the white-haired girl intervened," he said, glaring at Snowbell.

"But it is still certain! With the girl in our hands, the world is sure to be ours again!" Future Kamek added.

"What do you mean 'the world'? When I lived in the future, I didn't even know you two existed! You're not world rulers, you just want the illusion of power!" Snowbell chastised.

"Oh, we had plans to expand our reign. And once I do away with you, we'll be free to fulfill them," he said, sneering.

"Just try and do away with me! I'll take you down like I took down Queen Boo!"

Snowbell's fists glowed with a white aura, while Future Kamek twirled his wand in a circular motion.

"So what will it be, my younger self?" Dry Bowser asked. "Are you with me, or against me? Make your choice, because my wizard is raring to go."

"I ain't helping you. Your future can die in a fire for all I care," Bowser replied bluntly.

"Technically, it already has…" Snowbell mumbled.

"Very well. Just remember, I offered."

Dry Bowser let loose with an earth-shaking roar, summoning scores of Dry Bones from the ground.

"TAKE THEM DOWN!" he howled.

"I'll deal with the skeletons!" said Snowbell.

"We'll deal with Future Kamek!" said the Koopalings.

"And I'll deal with myself!" said Bowser, shoving his fist into his palm.

Snowbell was about to attack when a rainbow powder fell from the sky.

"What the-?!"

She looked up and saw Present Kamek sprinkling the colorful dust from his wand.

"What are you doing?"

"Just making a small adjustment," he said.

Snowbell glowed brightly for a few seconds until the effect settled in.

"Now try using your ice powers," he commanded.

Snowbell motioned her palms forward and unleashed a massive wave of frigid wind, freezing a large number of Dry Bones.

"Oh, now it's on!" she declared, flexing her arms.

Meanwhile, Dry Bowser pitched a bone at his fleshy counterpart, who promptly punched it away. Dry then tossed another bone in an arc motion, but Bowser simply crouched and allowed it to bounce off his shell.

"Crafty…" Dry growled. He opened his maw and launched a blue fireball, which Bowser countered with a red fireball. After the smoke cleared, Bowser charged forward and thrusted his fists at Dry, only for the latter to catch them in his hands. The two Koopa Kings grappled furiously, equally matched in terms of physical strength.

"Why do you choose to fight? You can learn to like this future. I'm living proof of that," Dry argued.

"First of all, you're not living. Second, there's a difference between liking something better, and settling for something worse."

"What do you mean by that?"

"It's like buying a burger from a fast-food joint instead of a gourmet restaurant. People don't do it because it's better, they do it because it's easier and costs less money. In other words, they settle for something worse because it's more affordable. It's the same thing with you and this eyesore you call your kingdom. You only want it because nobody's challenging you for it!" Bowser lectured.

"That's not true," Dry snarled.

"Yes, it is! You can deny it all you want, but I know you're bluffing!" Bowser insisted.

"What makes you so sure?" the skeleton asked.

"I know you. _I am you._"

Dry breathed fire in Bowser's face, causing him to stumble backwards.

"I'm reclaiming what's rightfully mine, and there's nothing you can say or do to stop me!" Dry roared.

"Oh, yeah?!"

Bowser inhaled and released a stream of flames, but it didn't seem to affect Dry at all.

"Did I mention that I'm immune to fire?" he cackled.

Nearby, Future Kamek was riding his broom, dueling with Present Kamek while simultaneously dodging spells from the Koopalings.

"Even with your little flunkies backing you up, you're still no match for me!" Future Kamek taunted.

"Oh, we'll just see about that!" Present Kamek barked. He fired a ball of magic at his brown counterpart, but the more experienced wizard skillfully swerved around it.

"That was adorable! Now let me show you a real spell!"

Future Kamek did an ominous chant and produced a white lightning bolt. Present Kamek couldn't escape and was shot out of the sky.

"Gah!" he yelped as he plummeted to the ground.

Future Kamek smiled and teleported, partly to confront his past self, and partly to avoid one of Wendy's rings.

"Bye-bye!" Future Kamek teased as he cast another spell.

Present Kamek instinctively conjured a transparent cube to block the attack. He was in for a nasty surprise when the cube transformed into a big Piranha Plant.

"Yipe!"

The Piranha Plant devoured the blue wizard, its mouth throbbing as Kamek struggled to free himself.

"Spit out his wand!" Future Kamek commanded.

The floral fiend did just that, dropping the scepter to the dust with a fresh coat of saliva.

"That should keep him contained," the brown wizard said smugly. Without even bothering to look, he aimed his wand over his shoulder and summoned a barrier, shielding him from the barrage of Koopaling fire.

"Now, to deal with you posers," he mocked, slowly turning around.

Future Kamek did a spin and flung three red spheres, striking Wendy, Larry and Iggy. Morton chucked a boulder at the sorcerer, but he caught it with a levitation trick and returned it to the sender. Roy tried tackling him, but he simply warped away and dropped a bomb on the pink brute.

"How can you be so strong when you're so old?!" Ludwig griped.

"I didn't get to be Bowser's top wizard for nothing!"

Future Kamek drenched Ludwig with fire, but he deflected the inferno by spinning inside his shell.

"You'll have to do better than that!"

Ludwig focused his magic and split into three identical clones.

"Nice technique! Let me show you mine!" Future Kamek jeered.

With a snap of his fingers, the wizard multiplied into an army of copies that vastly outnumbered Ludwig's.

"…Oh boy."

The duplicates attacked from all direction, disintegrating the Ludwig clones while instantly defeating the real one.

"I haven't had this much fun in awhile," Future Kamek giggled, blowing on his wand.

"Fun time is over!" said a voice.

The magician ducked, barely dodging the speeding comet of frigid fury that Snowbell sent his way.

"Wow. That would've actually hit me if you hadn't stupidly announced your presence," he insulted, mounting his broom again. "Anyway, shouldn't you be preoccupied with our minions? What happened to them?"

Snowbell pointed behind her. They were all frozen and in pieces.

"…No matter. I'll just deal with you myself."

Future Kamek shot more fire at Snowbell, but she parried with a massive gust of icy vapor, extinguishing the flames and nearly freezing the spellcaster.

"Oh, I see. The other Kamek gave you a power buff. Very clever, I wish I had done that with the Dry Bones… But you know what? It makes no difference. I single-handedly clobbered the seven Koopalings and myself, so I fail to see what chance you have at-"

Snowbell pumped cold wind from her feet, propelling herself to Future Kamek.

"I am FED UP with your gloating!"

She slugged him in the gut, knocking him clean off his broom. Snowflakes floated off his robe as he hurtled to the ground.

"Didn't see that coming," he admitted, dazed. Snowbell couldn't normally fly or deliver punches like that, but Kamek's magic had amplified her elemental powers tenfold.

"I'm just getting started!" she assured him. Pumping her fists, Snowbell discharged a surge of glacial energy that swiftly enveloped the brown wizard.

"Cripes! I'm getting goosebumps!" he complained, ice rapidly collecting on his last-minute forcefield. By the time Snowbell was done, he was trapped in a miniature iceberg.

…At least until he teleported out.

"Teleportation is a real stinker, isn't it?" Future Kamek joked.

"You want a stinker? I'll give you one!"

Snowbell hurled another ice-ball, but Future Kamek sidestepped it and counterattacked with another lightning spell. Snowbell shrieked in pain as the impact threw her off her feet.

"Can't… give up…" she faltered, breathing heavily.

Squares, circles, and triangles orbited around Snowbell until she was encased in a green bubble again. Future Kamek appeared in front of her.

"This has all been very entertaining, but I'm afraid it's game over for you. Say goodbye to everything you hold dear."

"Not so fast!" said a voice.

"Huh?" Future Kamek uttered, turning around.

"You forgot about me!" said Lemmy, perched atop his giant rubber ball.

The wizard howled with laughter.

"I don't suppose you plan on stopping me?" he asked, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"Sure I do! Watch!"

Lemmy twirled his wand and lobbed a yellow ball at the sorcerer. It bounced harmlessly off his head.

"Ooh, that was devastating! I'll be begging for mercy any second now!" he chortled.

Lemmy lobbed another ball. The snickering wizard swatted it away.

"Maybe if I was wearing a Cat Suit, I'd chase after it! Haw-haw!"

Lemmy threw yet another ball, but this one was smaller, and was purple instead of the usual yellow. Future Kamek caught it in his head.

"Alright, this is getting old. Would you prefer to be roasted, zapped, or…"

Something wasn't right.

"…What's that hissing sound?"

He looked at the ball and saw a fuse.

"NO!"

The ball exploded, stunning the cocky warlock. Lemmy jumped off his main ball and kicked it into Future Kamek, the rebound sending him towards a nearby lava pool. Unfortunately, he broke his fall just in time by materializing his broom.

"Oh, you just made the biggest mistake of your-"

"NOW'S MY CHANCE!" Iggy screamed, springing to his feet. He swung his scepter and launched a spell, but instead of the usual green, this one was red. It was also painfully slow.

Future Kamek watched nonchalantly as the crimson mojo sluggishly drifted past him and plunged into the lava.

"…I'm not even gonna make a joke about that one," he said dryly.

"It's no joke," said Iggy.

Suddenly, a Magmaargh emerged from the molten lake.

"HOLY-!"

The scorching monster engulfed Future Kamek and dove beneath the lava.

"Were you pretending to be unconscious this whole time?" Lemmy asked.

"Of course! You didn't think the Igster would go down in one hit, did ya?" Iggy boasted.

The Piranha Plant regurgitated Present Kamek and wilted into nothing, while Snowbell's bubble shattered on its own.

"We… We did it! We won!" Snowbell cheered.

"It's not over yet!" Kamek warned, reclaiming his wand.

Everything started rumbling as the magic dome flickered in and out of existence.

"What's happening?!" Snowbell panicked.

"Future Kamek's spells are wearing off now! If we don't get out of here soon, the pocket dimension will collapse with us in it!" Kamek hurriedly explained.

Snowbell glanced in Bowser's direction. He was still fighting Dry Bowser, and losing, by the looks of it.

"Get up, get up, get up! The time hole could close any second now!" Kamek fussed as he revived the Koopalings with 1-Ups.

"What about the Future Bowser? I doubt he'll just let us leave," said Ludwig.

"Don't worry. I'll deal with him myself," said Snowbell.

"How the heck are you going to..." Kamek started.

"You'll have to trust me," she said, cutting him off. "Now go. I'll see you in the present."

The Koopas reluctantly ran off. Once they were gone, Snowbell took a deep breath and exhaled some snowy powder.

"There's still some magic left," she noted, sensing Kamek's sorcery within her.

Snowbell sprang into the air and stomped on the lava pool, coating the surface with ice. She had now completely exhausted Kamek's power boost, but she didn't need it anymore.

"Wish me luck, Rosalina," Snowbell whispered as she skated towards the clashing Koopa Kings.

Bowser groaned and fell to his knees, his body practically bleeding with smoke.

"I… can't win…" he sighed.

"Of course you can't. It's literally impossible. Even if you were to break me into tiny, bite-sized pieces, I could easily reassemble," Dry Bowser chided.

Bowser scowled at him.

"Oh, don't look so glum. You may have lost, but you've also technically won. It's a mutual win and mutual lose for the both of us."

"Nah, it's just a complete loss for you," said Snowbell.

Dry Bowser rotated his head and gazed at her.

"I see my minions weren't enough for you," he said.

"No, and neither was your wizard," she remarked. While Dry was distracted, Kamek appeared next to Bowser and lead him away.

"My wizard?" the skeleton asked, confused.

"Yes, your wizard. Notice anything different?"

Dry looked around. Future Kamek was nowhere to be seen, and the magic dome was weakening by the second.

"What have you done to my wizard?!" he bellowed.

"He's finished, just like your scheme! What's left of this place will cease to exist any second now, and without your wizard, you can't bring it back! It's over!" Snowbell shouted.

"RAAAAAGH! You've ruined everything! Again!"

Dry Bowser's eyes glowed brightly.

"I am NOT letting you get away with this! If my kingdom's going down, then you and I are going down with it!"

The bony behemoth tried to stomp on Snowbell, but she evaded him and skated away.

"WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!"

Dry shot fireball after fireball at Snowbell, but she swerved left and right to avoid them. Finally, she stopped at the frozen lava pool.

"You want me? Come and get me!" she provoked.

Dry Bowser roared and leapt a great height, seeking to crush his adversary like a bug. Hastily, Snowbell fled the lake, leaving Dry to crash through the ice and sink into the magma.

"Agh! No, no!" Dry Bowser cried as he struggled to stay afloat. The last thing he saw before dropping below the surface was Snowbell heading for the time hole.

"NOOOOO!" he screeched as he vanished into his broiling grave.

Snowbell slid across the fading landscape as fast as she could.

"Come on, come on..."

The shrinking portal entered her line of sight as the dimension continued to rumble.

"Almost there…"

"I don't think so!" a voice echoed.

There was an explosion of shapes as an odd figure manifested in front of Snowbell. He was skeletal, wielded a scepter, and wore the remains of a badly charred robe.

"You didn't think you had finished off, did you?" he laughed. "Now you have to face the wrath of _Dry Kame-_"

Snowbell froze him in a block of ice and kicked it, sending him sliding into oblivion.

* * *

><p>Bowser and his entourage stared at the ever-shrinking time hole.<p>

"She's not gonna make it…" the Koopalings muttered.

At the very last second, the portal erupted with light, sending Snowbell tumbling to the ground.

"She made it!" they said in unison.

Snowbell stood up weakly, quivering on her legs.

"Don't… ever… become that…" she said to Kamek.

"Oh, don't worry. We're gonna keep a sharp eye on him from now on," Bowser promised. "Clearly I've gotta keep my troops in line."

"Remember that you were the one callings the shots…" Kamek cautioned.

"Then stop following my commands! Actually, no, that's a terrible idea… Bah, we'll figure it out. Come on, let's go home."

The Koopas walked away as Lemmy secretly waved goodbye to Snowbell.

"I need to get home too…" she murmured.

Snowbell took two steps forward and collapsed to her knees. The fatigue of battle combined with the shock of spiraling through a dwindling wormhole had taken its toll on her.

She heard a soft giggle.

"Wuh… Who's there?"

The giggling increased as three stars came into view.

"Great… Now I'm seeing stars…" Snowbell moaned before she keeled over and passed out.

* * *

><p>When Snowbell woke up, she was lying in her bed.<p>

"Ugh… How did I get here?" she wondered.

An envelope was sitting on her stomach. Snowbell opened it and pulled out a letter. It read, "Good job, Snowbell. I'm very proud of you," and nothing more. There was no signature.

Snowbell stared at the writing for a bit before putting it on her nightstand.

"Snowy! You home yet?" Elder Troopa called, walking through the front door with some mail in his hand.

"Elder Troopa!" she responded, running down the stairs. "Oh, man, have I got a story for you!"

"I've got something important to tell you, too," he said. "But first, we need to talk…"

"We do? About what?" she asked, puzzled.

Elder Troopa held out a sheet of paper.

"This is our water bill," he grumbled, narrowing his eyes.

**We'll find out what Elder Troopa's important message is later on!**


	28. Three Way Race

**For any Snowbell fans out there, I've recently posted rough sketches of Snowbell and Elder Troopa. You should be able to find them by searching "Snowbell and Elder Troopa" on DeviantART.**

**With that out of the way, onto the story!**

Koopa the Quick was sitting on his couch, watching television. The channel was set to MKTV.

"He's going… He's going… Ooh! He just took a blue shell!" Lakitu narrated. "He's not down yet, folks! He just grabbed a mushroom and… BLAM! He boosts past the finish line! Kade Koopa wins the race!"

"Man, these races really get me fired up," said Koopa the Quick. "I think I'll go for a jog."

He put on some sneakers and went jogging through town. That is, until something strange happened...

"Wait… What's that?" he wondered, spying an odd stain on the side of a building. The stain grew bigger and bigger until a bunch of purple particles flew out and amassed into a man wearing a Pianta costume.

"Wow, this thing travels farther than I thought," he said, waving a rainbow paintbrush.

"Who are you, and what just happened?" asked Quick.

"I am Il Piantissimo, the fastest runner in Isle Delfino! And I traveled here with the use of this magic paintbrush!" he explained.

"Magic paintbrush? Where'd you get one of those?"

"I found it lying around on the beach. Nobody claimed it, so I took it for myself. And now, by simply painting on a wall, I can warp from Isle Delfino to the Mushroom Kingdom! Impressive, eh?"

"That is impressive!"

"Now that that's out of the way, who might you be?" Il Piantissimo questioned.

"I am Koopa the Quick. Fastest Koopa around."

"Oh, so you're the resident quickster, huh? What do you say you and I have a race to that corner?" he challenged.

"You've got it!" Quick accepted.

"Very well, then! On your mark, get set… GOOOOOOOO!X"

The two of them sprinted to the corner, but reached it simultaneously.

"Who won?" asked Quick.

"I believe it was a tie," said Il Piantissimo. "Care for a rematch?"

"You betcha!"

"Then let's rematch! On your mark, get set…"

A large Boo with a yellow-and-green helmet appeared in front of them.

"Ehee hee hee! You guys are fast!" he commented.

"Who are you?" they asked in unison.

"I'm the Spooky Speedster, the fastest spirit in all the galaxies!" he answered.

"Fastest spirit, are you? Well, would you care to join us for our rematch?" asked Il Piantissimo.

"You bet I would!" the Speedster cheered.

"It's settled, then! This race is now officially a three-way!"

They all positioned themselves side-by-side.

"On your mark, get set… GOOOOO!" Piantissimo hollered.

They all raced to the other end of the sidewalk, but once again, it was a tie.

"It's a draw! Again!" said Koopa the Quick.

"Indeed it is… Surely, we are all worthy opponents! But we shall not quit until a victor is determined!" Piantissimo declared.

"Yeah, may the best racer win!" Quick and Speedster chanted.

* * *

><p><em>Over an hour later…<em>

The trio was sitting on the curb, panting loudly.

"I didn't know… ghosts could even… get tired…" the Speedster said between breaths.

"We still haven't… broken the tie…" said Koopa the Quick.

"There must be some… other way to… settle this…" said Il Piantissimo.

"…I have an idea!" said Koopa the Quick.

* * *

><p><em>That night…<em>

Lakitu was sitting in his den, reading a book while his cloud slept at his feet. He enjoyed a little peace and quiet in the evening, which is why he wasn't happy when his phone started to ring.

"Oh, what now?" he griped.

Lakitu picked up the phone and held it to his ear.

"What is it?" he asked, taking a sip of tea.

The voice on the other end babbled something that made Lakitu spit his drink.

"Really?! They want us to hold a kart race for them?!"

He listened carefully as the voice explained everything.

"By golly! Tell them I have an opening this weekend!" Lakitu ordered, grinning.

* * *

><p><em>That weekend…<em>

Koopa the Quick, Il Piantissimo, and the Spooky Speedster were all stationed in their karts. The bleachers were filled with noisy spectators.

"Ladies and gentlemen, MKTV is happy to present you with what might just be our most momentous race to date!" Lakitu announced. "Today, we shall witness an epic contest between three of the most renowned speed demons in the world! Or off the world, as the case may be!"

The crowd roared.

"First, we have Koopa the Quick, the swiftest reptilian to have ever graced Bob-omb Battlefield! Second, we have Il Piantissimo, the man who's faster than a Pianta on fire! And last, but certainly not least, we have the Spooky Speedster, the most blistering specter in all the cosmos! It's a three-way race to determine who's Top Turbo!"

"Top Turbo? Seriously?" his Shy Gal assistant snarked.

"Without further ado, let's get rolling!" Lakitu bellowed, ignoring her. "Ready, set… GO!"

The racers took off at mach speed, blazing through the course.

"We're off to a fiery start! The racers are approaching the item boxes… Ooh! The Spooky Speedster just got nailed by a Piranha Plant! Il Pianissimo takes the lead! They're crossing into the anti-gravity zone… Blam! Koopa the Quick lets loose with a red shell and claims first place! The racers are transitioning into the water zone… Ouch! Koopa the Quick's been knocked aside by the Speedster's Bullet Bill! And Il Pianissimo is catching up fast! I can feel the intensity from over here!"

The frantic race dragged on until the trio reached their final lap.

"This is it, folks! The final stretch! Who will win?! Who will be declared Top Turbo?!"

The racers zipped past the finish line.

"IT'S A TIE!" Lakitu screeched.

"Tie?!" the trio grieved.

"I can't believe it, ladies and gentlemen! Our three contestants have proven to be equally fast!"

"This is ridiculous! How will we ever determine who's the fastest?!" the Speedster complained.

"I don't know. Maybe we should give up," said Koopa the Quick.

"No, we can't give up! There had to be a Number 1!" Il Pianissimo insisted.

"Number 1? Is that what this is all about?" asked Captain Toad from the sidelines.

"Yes! All day, we've been competing for the title of best racer!" Il Pianissimo explained.

"Uh… Hello? That title's already been claimed!" said the Captain.

"Really?! By who?!" they exclaimed.

"By Mario! He beat all three of you, remember?"

The trio stared blankly at one another.

* * *

><p><em>The next day…<em>

Koopa the Quick was sitting in his kart, with Il Piantissimo and the Spooky Speedster each occupying a sidecar on either end of the vehicle. Next to them was Mario, seated in his own kart. He had an uncertain look on his face, wondering how he got cajoled into this.

"Denizens of the Mushroom Kingdom, welcome to our first ever 1-vs-3 showdown! The legendary Super Mario will be squaring off with Koopa the Quick, Il Piantissimo, and the Spooky Speedster in their triple kart!"

"That hardly seems fair," Shy Gal grumbled.

"And to increase the tension, this race will only be one lap! That's right, folks! One lap! This will surely be a breathtaking kart-off!"

Koopa the Quick revved his kart. Mario reluctantly did the same.

"Reaaaaady, seeeeeet… GO!" Lakitu yelled.

Mario and the trio sped off. As they drove through the item boxes, Speedster and Piantissimo reached out and grabbed their own items.

"I have a banana peel," said Quick.

"I have a green shell," said Speedster.

"And I have a Blooper," said Il Piantissimo, which he proceeded the use. The little squid floated to Mario and sprayed ink on his face, slowing him down.

"Yes! We're in 1st place!" Speedster celebrated.

"Incoming!" Piantissimo warned.

Mario had chucked a red shell at them. Koopa the Quick tossed his banana peel, blocking the projectile.

"Now to finish him off," said Speedster as he threw his green shell. It hit Mario dead-on and knocked him off course.

"Wahoo! It's smooth sailing now!" Il Piantissimo said smugly.

"You really think it'll be that easy?" asked Koopa the Quick.

"Of course! We're almost done with the lap, and there's no way he can rebound after that!"

"Koopa, you just missed the item boxes!" Speedster chided.

"Oops…" Quick muttered.

"It matters not! Victory is in our hands!" Piantissimo gloated.

"Um… Mario just got an item…" said Speedster with a hint of fear in his voice.

"Oh, what did he get?" Piantissimo chuckled. "A Piranha Plant? A Bullet Bill? Nothing can stop us now-"

He turned around.

"BLUE SHELL!" Piantissimo screamed.

The shell started orbiting around the kart.

"Koopa, hit the brakes!" Speedster commanded.

"What?! Why?!"

"Just do it!"

Koopa the Quick slammed the brakes, bringing the kart to a screeching halt and allowing Mario to take the lead.

"We're going to lose!" Piantissimo snarled.

"No, we're not! Look!" said Speedster.

The blue shell immediately lost interest in the trio and turned its attention to Mario.

"Oh, I see!" said Quick.

The plumber shrieked and threw his kart in reverse, backing up until he was behind the trio. The blue shell returned to its original target.

"Agh! Back up, back up!" Speedster panicked.

Koopa the Quick did just that, and the blue shell went back to Mario. Then Mario backed up, and the blue shell went back to the trio. This continued until they were almost back at the starting line.

"This is ludicrous! At this rate, nobody will win!" said Koopa the Quick.

"I don't think we have a choice," said Il Piantissimo.

"Yes, we do. Desperate times call for desperate measures," Quick said sinisterly.

"Wh-what are you going to do?!" Speedster stuttered.

Koopa the Quick drove his kart and parked it directly in front of Mario. The blue shell hovered over his head.

"Oh, no!" Piantissimo and Speedster whimpered.

The blue shell exploded, but since Mario was so close to the trio, he was caught in the explosion too. Once the fire cleared, the two karts took off once again, with the trio barely in the lead.

"We're winning this race! Everyone grab another item!" Quick ordered..

They did just that. Quick got a Bullet Bill, Piantissimo got a Power Star, and Speedster got a Golden Mushroom.

"Combine them!" Quick instructed, holding the Bullet Bill skyward. The other two added their Power Star and Golden Mushroom, creating an invincible speed-boosted Bill.

"Is combining items like that even allowed?" asked Shy Gal.

"I don't know, but it's boosting our ratings!" Lakitu replied.

Koopa the Quick attached the Super Bill to the kart, increasing its speed tenfold.

"Yes! Victory shall finally be ours!" Piantissimo chanted.

The kart slowly lifted into the air.

"Um… What's happening?" asked Speedster.

"I… I think we're flying!" said Quick.

"Well get us back on the ground! We're going out of bounds!"

"I can't! I'm not in control anymore!"

"Oi, Bullet Bill! Take us back down!" Piantissimo barked.

Unfortunately, the kart only traveled higher and higher as the Bill's velocity increased. Mario stared in confusion as he halted his vehicle.

"WAAAAAHHH!" the trio wailed. The crowd fell silent as they disappeared from view.

"…You reckon they'll be okay?" asked Lakitu.

* * *

><p><em>Sometime later…<em>

Koopa the Quick, Il Piantissimo, and the Spooky Speedster awoke on a small planetoid. Across from them were the remains of their kart.

"Where are we?" asked Quick.

"We're in space," answered Speedster.

"So we're stranded, then? Great…" he groaned.

"Speak for yourself. I'm practically at home out here," said Speedster.

"Don't worry, Quickster. I'll get us home in a jiffy," Piantissimo assured, whipping out his paintbrush.

Suddenly, everything turned blue.

"Oh gads, what now?" the Koopa whined.

"Up there!" said Speedster. A navy comet was drifting over the planetoid.

"Wow, that's pretty," said Quick.

They all jumped when an insidious laughter echoed. Moments later, a strange yet familiar figure appeared.

_"So…"_ asked Cosmic Mario. _"Who wants to race?"_


	29. The Festival of Snow

It was a snowy day in the Mushroom Kingdom, and Lakitu was standing in a plaza near Peach's Castle, talking into a microphone. His assistant, Shy Gal, was filming him.

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! This is Lakitu, reporting from Toad Town! As you should know, the annual Festival of Snow is upon us, and when I say upon us, I mean REALLY upon us! Penguins are dancing on the frozen lake, Paratroopas are decorating the trees, and Goombas are passing out free cookies! It looks like a lot of fun, doesn't it? In fact, in looks like so much fun that I'm gonna actually participate in it instead of reporting on it! Happy Festival!"

And with that, he hopped on his cloud and floated away, leaving a trail of snowflakes in his wake.

"Um… Cut?" said Shy Gal.

Everywhere, the denizens of the Mushroom Kingdom were enjoying the Festival, exchanging gifts and sporting jubilant outfits. In the midst of the celebration, Yoshi plucked an egg from the snow, swallowed it, and spat up a dazed Shy Guy.

"I'm sorry I turned you into an egg, Shy Guy. Happy Festival!" he cheered in his own dinosaur language.

"Ugh… Where am I?" said the Shy Guy.

Elsewhere, Lubba was watching the Sprixies and Lumas decorate the biggest tree in Toad Town.

"Keep at it, fellas! I want that tree to look _cool!_ Har har!" he joked.

A penguin carrying a plate waddled up to him.

"Happy Festival," she greeted, offering him a smoked fish.

"Thanks, kid! Here, have some of my oven-baked turkey!", Lubba said, offering it to her.

The penguin screamed and ran away.

"…What?" he asked, confused.

"You idiot…" Luco muttered as he floated past Lubba. He didn't stop until he reached Rosalina, who was standing at the base of the tree. She was wearing a red dress with white highlights, and her hair was draped in a ponytail.

"Nice outfit, Mama," Luco complimented. "Where'd you get it?"

"Oh, I just touched a Fire Flower. Don't tell anyone, though," Rosalina answered, raising a finger to her lips.

"It looks like they're done decorating the tree," Luco observed.

Surely enough, they were. The tree was adorned with star bits, mushroom ornaments, 8-bit Mario's, and Baby Luma, who was sitting (and giggling) at the very top.

"They wanted to put a Starman up there, but I told them not to ruin his fun," Rosalina chuckled.

"I'm glad we were invited to this Festival. This is such a good planet," said Luco.

"Indeed…" Rosalina murmured wistfully as her eyes began to water.

"Mama, what's wrong?" Luco asked, concerned.

"I just wish my family were here to see this", she said softly.

"Aw, Mama…" Luco whispered comfortingly as he embraced her.

"Rosalina! Is that you?!" a voice called.

Rosalina turned around and saw Melody approaching. She was wearing her usual velvet dress, but with a bright crimson ribbon tied around her head.

"It's so nice to see you again!" Melody exclaimed joyfully as she jumped into Rosalina's arms.

"It's nice to see you too," Rosalina replied as she returned the hug.

"It's been quite some time! How have you been-…?"

Melody stopped talking when she saw Rosalina's face.

"…Are you doing alright, there?" she asked.

"Yes, everything's fine," Rosalina assured her. "Is Luigi here?"

"Yeah, he's coming this way," Melody answered, pointing backwards. Luigi was wearing a green beanie with a matching green sweater, and blue slacks. The Polterpup was dancing around his feet, donning a bell collar.

"How goes it, Rosalina? I haven't seen you since the last kart tournament," Luigi acknowledged.

"Oh, I've been good. I see you've made a friend," she noted, looking at the ghostly canine as it skipped past her.

"Oh, yeah, I brought him back from Evershade Valley. He doesn't normally like coming out during the day, so he hasn't met too many people yet," Luigi explained.

"He also hasn't been given a name yet," Melody snarked.

"…Yeah, that too," Luigi admitted.

"I'm sure you'll think of something. Iggy hasn't named his Chain Chomp yet, either," said Rosalina.

"Eh? How do you know that?" Luigi questioned.

"Psst, ragamuffin…" Melody interrupted. "Mr. Nameless over there is decorating the tree in his own way…"

"What do you mean by th- AGH!"

Luigi shrieked when he saw what the Polterpup was doing. "NO, DOGGIE! NOT THAT TREE!" he commanded as he ran towards his pet. Melody and Rosalina could only laugh.

Meanwhile, Bowser was gorging himself on a platter of baked desserts as Peach and Daisy looked on. Both of them were wearing short, green dresses with red leggings.

"Peach, could you please remind me why you invited him to the Festival?" asked Daisy as she placed a wreath on the Tail Tree's tail.

"I figured that if I didn't, he would just try to sabotage it," Peach responded. "Besides, it's not really in the Festival spirit to leave people out, y'know?"

"I guess… I just hope there's enough dessert for everyone…" Daisy grumbled.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't my old friend, the flower girl!" teased an arrogant voice.

"Oh, hey Ludwig," Daisy mumbled without bothering to look at him. "I don't suppose you're here to crash my party?"

"Who, me? Never! Besides, I was formally invited to this party," Ludwig reminded her. "I actually wanted to give you a present."

"Let me guess, a Bob-omb? A Poison Mushroom?" she remarked snidely.

"Nope! It's this," Ludwig said as he wound up a little Mechakoopa and placed it on the snow, allowing it to scurry up to Daisy's feet.

"…I'm flattered," she uttered nonchalantly.

"Oh, for Pete's sake! Look inside its mouth!" Ludwig ordered.

Daisy did just that and saw a rolled-up sheet of paper.

"Is this a letter?" she asked.

"It is, and a sincere one at that," Ludwig affirmed. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go find Lemmy. I think he took my wand…"

Ludwig walked away as Daisy unraveled the letter. It read the following:

_Dear Princess Daisy,_

_I would like to take this rare moment of peace to applaud you for your victory over me. My plan was very carefully laid out, but despite my best efforts, you still managed to undermine it. It was a rather frustrating experience, but it did come with a silver lining! By exposing the weaknesses of my previous strategy, you've given me an excuse to craft a better, more foolproof scheme, and for that, I salute you. I won't say when I'm going to launch said scheme, because I don't want to ruin the surprise, but I assure you that it's a doozy!_

_P.S. Congratulations on getting invited to the latest Smash Tourname- OH, WAIT…_

_-Diabolically, Ludwig_

"I'M GONNA KILL HIM…" Daisy hissed, ripping the letter in half.

"I brought presents, too!" Lemmy announced, appearing out of seemingly nowhere. Waving his wand, he conjured a gift box for each princess. Daisy stared coyly at hers.

"Uh… Thanks, I really…"

Daisy tried to lift her present, but it was too heavy.

"The heck is in this thing?" she asked, tearing it open. Her gift was a bowling ball.

"What the-?!" Daisy sputtered.

Peach opened her box and found a tennis ball.

"…This doesn't puzzle me, but I feel as though it should," she said.

"Happy Festival!" Lemmy cheered, prancing away.

"AHEM!" another voice went.

"Oh, brother, who is it this time?" Daisy moaned.

They turned around and saw Waluigi. He was in his regular clothes, but dangling from his hat by a string was a leaf with red berries.

"Who wants to give Waluigi a Festival's kiss?" he asked, smooching the air.

"I had to ask," Daisy whined.

Nearby, Luigi and Iggy were making "small talk" while the Chain Chomp chased the Polterpup around the tree.

"Y'know, in many ways, you and I are quite similar," Iggy claimed.

"I-is that so?" Luigi replied nervously.

"The two of us are lean, mean, green machines… and our names end on the same syllable," Iggy explained.

"Huh… I n-never noticed that," Luigi stuttered.

"Well, y'know what they say about us green folk… We're always being overshadowed by the red guys," Iggy muttered, leering at Junior in the distance.

"…I'm pretty sure nobody says that," Luigi said flatly.

"Nobody says plenty of things," Iggy quipped. "Speaking of green, check out Waluigi and his mistletoe!" he said, pointing and cackling.

"Waluigi?! Mistletoe?!"

Luigi immediately spun around and saw Waluigi with Melody.

"Oh, this ought'a be rich," said Luigi.

"Hey, aren't you that girl from the restaurant?" Waluigi inquired.

"I might be," Melody said coldly. "You seem to be doing your best impression of a sad tree."

"Don't beat around the bush with me, toots. You know the drill," Waluigi purred.

"…Fine. Close your eyes and pucker up," Melody relented.

Waluigi did just that, but instead of kissing him, Melody simply whistled. The Polterpup came running and started licking Waluigi's face.

"Agh! Ugh! Gross!" Waluigi griped.

"Happy Festival", Melody said sarcastically as she made her exit.

"I don't get it! Why isn't this mistletoe working?!" Waluigi complained.

"Maybe it's because that's not really a mistletoe," said Rosalina as she floated towards him.

"Huh?" Waluigi uttered.

"See, a mistletoe doesn't have red berries. It actually has white berries. What you're wearing right now is a holly," she explained.

"Really? I had no idea," Waluigi admitted.

"Most people don't," said Rosalina.

"So, how's about a Festival's kiss?" Waluigi pleaded.

"No," Rosalina said curtly as she floated away.

"This stinks," Waluigi whinged.

The Cosmic Spirit suddenly appeared in front of him.

"Are you in need of a helping hand? Would you like me to guide you on romance?" she asked.

"How's about you give me my Festival's kiss?" Waluigi proposed, bouncing his eyebrows.

The Cosmic Spirit vanished.

"OH, COME ON!"

Meanwhile, on the outskirts of Toad Town, Snowbell was strolling on a frosty pathway. Unlike almost everyone else, she wasn't dressed up for the Festival, instead wearing her usual cyan t-shirt and dark-blue sweat pants. But unlike absolutely everyone else, she was completely unaware that there was a Festival to begin with.

"Wow… Elder Troopa told me that it snowed in the past, but seeing it for myself is just… Wow!" she marveled. "Wait… What's going on over there?" she wondered aloud, spying the merriment in the town.

"It's the Festival of Snow!" a Monty Mole explained, popping out of the ground. "It's a yearly event where the citizens of the Mushroom Kingdom come together to celebrate peace and good will!"

"Why can't we celebrate those things all the time, instead of once a year? Also, how long have you been hiding down there?" Snowbell pressed.

"That's not important! Now go celebrate the Festival!" he commanded before diving back underground.

"…Alrighty then," Snowbell murmured.

Waluigi was sitting dejectedly on a bench when Snowbell happened across him.

"Why are you wearing that leaf on your head?" she inquired.

"Are you kidding? You really don't know what this is?" Waluigi replied in disbelief.

"I'm… not exactly from around her," she stated.

"It's a mistletoe. Or at least, it's supposed to be a mistletoe. If you catch somebody underneath one, you're supposed to kiss them," he clarified.

"Kiss, huh?" Snowbell pondered. She glanced across the walkway and saw Neil waving a mistletoe over Ella. She responded by pecking him on the cheek.

"That's an odd tradition, but if it's what people do around here…"

Snowbell leaned forward and gave Waluigi a light kiss on the cheek. His body froze as his pupils shrank to tiny dots.

"Hello? Are you okay?" Snowbell asked, waving her hand in front of his face. He didn't react.

"Well… I'm gonna have a look around. See ya," she said, furrowing her eyebrows.

After Snowbell left, Wario walked in with a bag of red-and-white garlic.

"Ay, Waluigi! They've got candy cane flavored garlic here!" he said, munching on a clove.

"YES!" Waluigi exclaimed, springing to his feet and pumping his fists.

"I know, right?" Wario grinned. "Also, that Koopa kid gave me a basketball."

Snowbell was still wandering aimlessly when Lemmy halted her.

"Hey, I remember you! You're that ice girl!" he said excitedly.

"Yeah, I remember you, too. What's that you got there?" Snowbell probed, referring to the box he was carrying.

"It's a present! Here you go!" Lemmy said as he literally tossed it at her.

"A present? Is this another Festival tradition?" she asked, catching it easily.

"Of course it's in good condition! Happy Festival!" Lemmy said, skipping off.

Snowbell opened the box and found…

…a snowball?

"…What an interesting Festival this is…" she mumbled.

"Excuse me, ma'am," said Captain Toad, flanked by his Brigade. "By any chance, have you seen a purple rabbit-looking guy holding a sack?"

"I haven't. Is that another Festival tradition?" Snowbell asked.

"No, he's a criminal that stole from a toy shop, and we're trying to track him down so we can apprehend him," said Blue.

"You'd think he wouldn't pull a stunt like this on Festival day, but what can ya do?" said Banktoad.

"Let's find him quick so I can go back to sleep," Yellow suggested.

The Brigade marched on to find the crook. Once they were gone, Snowbell spied Rosalina.

"Holy Monty Moley! I didn't know she was here!" Snowbell gushed as she skated forward, leaving a stream of ice for Goomboris to discover.

"Hey, an ice road! I didn't know they still made those!" Goomboris raved as he slid across the frozen trail.

"Rosalina!" Snowbell bleated as she practically crashed into her. Rosalina barely turned around in time to catch her.

"Oof! I'm getting a lot of hugs today," Rosalina giggled.

"We have so much catching up to do!" Snowbell enthused. "But first…"

She scooped a snowball off the ground and handed it to Rosalina.

"Happy Festival!" she cheered.

Rosalina stared at the snowball in bewilderment.

Elsewhere, Bandit was sitting on a pile of snow, drinking eggnog. For the Festival, he wore a rose-colored suit instead of the usual blue.

"I wonder if I'll get a neat present this year," he mused. "All I've gotten so far is a football from that mohawk guy."

"There he is! After him!" someone yelled.

"What's happening over there?" Bandit asked himself. Seconds later, Nabbit burst into view, running as fast as his legs could carry him with the Toad Brigade in hot pursuit.

"Ick, it's that purple thing again… and the odd squad is on his tail, apparently," Bandit observed. He was about to take another swig of eggnog when he saw Nabbit's sack.

"Whoa, he's got quite a big loot for himself…" Bandit noted. Then it occurred to him.

"I mean… He's got quite a big loot for _me,_" he said, grinning.

A Pianta was giving away free starfruit when Bandit popped out of the bushes.

"Psst! Banzai boy! You a chuckster?" Bandit whispered loudly.

"Why, yes I am! Though, my wife told me not to spontaneously chuck anyone because that would ruin the Festival…" the Pianta replied solemnly.

"Well, today's your lucky day, because I volunteer to be chucked!" said Bandit.

"Really? You mean it?" the Pianta asked, thrilled.

"Yes, really! Just be sure to throw me in that direction," Bandit instructed, pointing. "And do it quickly!"

"I hope you like peanuts, because it's time for a short flight!" the Pianta wisecracked as he hurled Bandit.

"I hope I timed this right!" Bandit howled as he soared through the air and towards the chase. In a swift motion, he collided with the sack, prying it from Nabbit's grip.

"What the-?! Who the-?! How the-?!" Captain Toad stammered, utterly baffled. Nabbit simply stood there with a blank expression on his face, trying to process what had just happened.

"It's mine!" Bandit celebrated as he flew into the snow and rolled down a small hill. "Take that, you stupid carrot muncher!"

A green Luma hovered around Bandit, examining his appearance.

"Can I help you?" Bandit asked snidely.

"I know you! You're the one who carries around a sack and gives presents to everyone!" the Luma alleged.

"Say what now?!" Bandit responded.

More Lumas started flocking to Bandit.

"I told you he was real!"

"Do you really fly in a sleigh pulled by Paratroopas?"

"What did you get me for the Festival?"

"Whoa, whoa, back off!" Bandit barked. "I'm not who you think I-"

The Lumas swarmed Bandit and carried him off.

"HELP! I'M BEING THIEF-NAPPED!" he cried.

Nabbit and the Toad Brigade ventured about, looking for the missing loot. Eventually, they found Bandit sitting in a wooden chair. He was resting his chin on his hand, and a Luma was perched on his lap.

"And what would you like for the Festival, little twinkle star?" Bandit asked without the tiniest shred of enthusiasm.

"A toy!" the Luma chirped.

Bandit reached into the sack and pulled out a Mini Mario.

"Here you go," he said.

"Yay!"

The Luma drifted off with its prize, only to be replaced by another one

"And what would you like for the Festival?" Bandit repeated, wrinkling his brow.

"A toy!" the Luma squeaked.

Bandit reached into his sack and pulled out a Mini Peach.

"Uh… Mission accomplished?" Captain Toad said uncertainly.

"Now _that's_ what I call the Festival spirit," Yellow commented before he collapsed and fell asleep.

The green Luma reappeared, eyeballing Nabbit.

"Hey, I know you, too! You're the rabbit who gives away eggs full of candy!" he declared.

Nabbit's ears drooped.

* * *

><p>"Attention! Attention everyone!" Toadsworth hollered as he rang a Super Bell. "It's time to sing the Festival song!"<p>

Everybody surrounded the big tree and joined hands.

"On my mark, everyone!" Peach instructed. "One… two… one, two, three, four!"

_We wish you a Happy Festival;_

_We wish you a Happy Festival;_

_We wish you a Happy Festival and a Super New Year._

_Good tidings we bring to you and your kin;_

_Good tidings for the Festival and a Super New Year._

_Oh, bring us a mushy mushroom;_

_Oh, bring us a mushy mushroom;_

_Oh, bring us a mushy mushroom and a cup of Chuckola!_

_We won't go until we get some;_

_We won't go until we get some;_

_We won't go until we get some, so bring some out here!_

"Actually, I've already brought some," Prince Peasley interrupted. "I left it over by the-"

_We wish you a Happy Festival;_

_We wish you a Happy Festival;_

_We wish you a Happy Festival and a Super New Year!_

Fireworks went off as Mario raised a Grand Star flag.

**Happy Holidays from Tales of the Mushroom Kingdom!**


	30. Yellow Fever

Yellow Toad wandered into Peach's den, wearing an absurdly large backpack.

"Ready for adventure!" he cheered before collapsing on the rug and falling asleep.

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile…<em>

Yellow Toad was walking down a path, surrounded by red, flowing weeds. He was making his way to the King's castle, at least until a crimson Birdo stood in his way. "She" wasn't very happy to see the little adventurer.

"You again! You're always getting in our way!" the Birdo complained. "Well, this time I'm gonna finish you off!"

"She" widened her nose / mouth / trunk / whatever and fired an egg. Yellow caught it inches away from his face and held it in his right hand.

"Do you know if these eggs hatch into anything?" he asked, pointing to it.

"Um… what?"

"The eggs you spit. Do they hatch?" Yellow repeated.

"Beats me," the Birdo said, shrugging.

"…Have you ever wondered if they hatch?" he asked.

"Well… no. I've never thought about that…"

Yellow handed "her" the egg and continued on his way while "she" stared at it contemplatively.

Yellow's journey continued uninterrupted for awhile until he came across a mouse wearing sunglasses.

"I hope you don't mind going out with a… _bang_," said Mouser, pulling out a bomb.

Yellow shuffled up to him.

"I don't mind at all! Let's have it!"

Mouser backed away, but Yellow followed him. He backed away again, but Yellow once again close the distance.

"Back off! I can't bomb you from here, or I'll get hurt too!" Mouser whined. He tried to run away, but Yellow chased after him.

"STOP FOLLOWING ME!" Mouser wailed.

"Okay," said Yellow as he walked away.

"Phew. Glad I got rid of him," said Mouser, wiping his forehead.

"…HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!"

Yellow carried on until a three-headed snake confronted him.

"I'm gonna toast you like morning bread!" Tryclyde threatened.

"Cool, but which one of you will do the toasting? 'Cause there's three of you," said Yellow.

"I will, of course!" said the middle head.

"What?! No, I want to do it!" said the left head.

"You're both delusional. If anyone's gonna toast, it's me," said the right head.

The middle head head-butted the right head.

"How's that for delusional?" the middle head taunted.

"Enough games, I'm toasting him," said the left head. He took in a deep breath…

…only to get burned by the middle head.

"They should call you the marshmallow head," the middle head joked.

"That was forced," said the right head, rolling his eyes.

"No it wasn't!"

The three heads continued arguing, not realizing that Yellow was already long gone.

"A toast," said Yellow, taking a swig of water from a bottle.

The traveling Toad ventured on, and eventually, he ran into a living fireball named Fryguy. But before Fryguy could speak, Yellow pulled an umbrella out of his backpack and opened it.

"…What's with the umbrella?" asked Fryguy.

"Didn't you hear the forecast? It's going to rain soon," said Yellow.

Fryguy screamed like a little girl and sped off, allowing Yellow to continue on his quest. Soon, the castle came into view, but standing between him and the entrance was Clawgrip.

"Argh! You'll make a tasty treat!" said the giant crab. He turned around and reached for… what appeared to be nothing.

"…Um…" said Clawgrip.

"…You forgot the rocks, didn't you?" said Yellow.

Clawgrip didn't respond.

"You know, I actually had to OUTWIT the others. This is just embarrassing," Yellow chastised.

"Urgh… Wait right here. I'll get some rocks," said Clawgrip, scurrying off. Yellow obviously didn't wait for him and entered the castle. A monstrous frog known as Wart was waiting for him inside, with the King tied to a chair.

"Thank goodness you're here!" said the King.

"Let him go, Wart! I've defeated you before, and I'll defeat you again!" Yellow hollered.

"You may have beaten me before, but things are different now! Look around and tell me what you see," said Wart.

Yellow scanned the room, but didn't notice anything of interest.

"I don't see anything…" he said.

"Exactly! I got rid of the vegetable machine!" Wart gloated.

Yellow gasped.

"Gasp is right! How will you defeat me now?"

Without another moment of hesitation, Wart belched a stream of bubbles at Yellow. He scrambled to avoid them, the backpack weighing him down.

"I love your new backpack! It looks heavy!" Wart laughed. He closed in for a physical attack, but Yellow deflected him with a spin, using his backpack as a melee weapon.

"It is pretty heavy," Yellow said, wobbling from the dizziness.

Wart breathed in and launched a huge bubble. Unfortunately, Yellow didn't escape in time and was trapped inside.

"Bye-bye! Say hi to the ceiling spikes for me!" said Wart, waving at Yellow as he ascended higher and higher.

"Oh, no!" Yellow panicked, quivering before the spikes.

"You're done," Wart said, grinning.

The bubble touched the spikes and popped, leaving Yellow to drop harmlessly to the floor.

"Huh… I guess I didn't think that one through…" said Wart. He breathed a small, high-speed bubble that knocked Yellow onto his backpack.

"I'm still winning this fight, though."

"Can't… let you win…" Yellow said weakly, slowly getting to his feet.

"You don't have a choice! Without that vegetable machine, you have no hope for-"

"Argh! I've got the rocks!" Clawgrip yelled, barging in. He chucked a stone at Yellow, but the Toad ducked out of the way. It hit Wart in the face instead.

"…Ribbit…"

Wart toppled over, knocked out. Clawgrip silently closed the door and left.

"Mission complete," said Yellow as he untied the King.

"Congratulations, little adventurer! Thanks to you, Subcon is safe once again! But it saddens me to say that Wart will probably rise again…" the King lamented.

"Wart can rise all he wants, but I'll always be there to defeat him, just like those other times! Don't you worry!" Yellow promised. "Anyway, I must be going. Goodbye, and good luck!"

"Farewell, little adventurer!" said the King, waving as Yellow left the castle.

* * *

><p>Yellow woke up in Peach's den.<p>

"That was fun!" he said, sitting up. "But now I'm all worn out… I think I'll take a nap."

He fell back and drifted off the sleep again.

**Now you know why Yellow sleeps so much.**


	31. Pros and Con Artists

**I give you another Bandit chapter, featuring a character that I've been neglecting since chapter 1.**

_At Lakitu's house…_

Lakitu stretched his arms and settled into bed. His cloud was sleeping on a rug beside him.

"Good night, cloud," Lakitu said, turning off the lamp. Little did he know that something illegal was happening downstairs…

"This is gonna be good," said Bandit as he hopped into the living room through the window. "A famous reporter lives here, so he's bound to have all sorts of nifty stuff. And to think the sucker left his window unlocked!"

Bandit pulled out a flashlight.

"Now, let's see what he has for me to steal!"

Bandit shined his flashlight on the floor and saw a Spiny.

"What the…?"

He waved his flashlight around and saw another Spiny. And another. And another.

The room was filled with them, and they were all glaring at Bandit.

"…Oh, boy."

Bandit's screams could he heard from outside the house. On the front lawn, a sign reading, "Beware of Spinies," teetered in the wind.

"Another chump gets nailed by my security system," Lakitu said without bothering to get up.

* * *

><p><em>The next day…<em>

Bandit was sitting on a curb in Mushroom City, covered in bandages.

"This stinks. Why can't I pull off a single heist?"

Bandit looked at a billboard across the street that read, "Try some Pianta Village Spring Water! Rich with tropical vitamins and minerals!"

"It is not rich with tropical vitamins and minerals!" Bandit complained. "It's just run-of-the-mill tap water with a bigger price tag! Why do people still fall for that scam?"

That's when it hit him.

"Scam… Scam… Scaaaaaammm…."

* * *

><p><em>Soon…<em>

Bandit was stationed behind a wooden stand on the sidewalk. The stand was covered in what appeared to be silver mushrooms.

"Silver mushrooms! Get your silver mushrooms here!"

A Koopa approached the stand.

"What do silver mushrooms do?" she asked.

"Normal mushrooms increase your size, but silver mushrooms increase you fortune! Carry one around to boost your luck tenfold!"

"How much do they cost?"

"Stuff like this can cost up to 5,000 coins, but for a limited time only, I'm selling them for five coins each," Bandit said, waving his brow.

"That sounds great. I'll take one," said the Koopa.

People immediately started flocking to Bandit's stand, demanding their own lucky fungus. By the time the crowd cleared, he had already sold all 20 of his mushrooms.

"Cool, I just made 100 coins!" said Bandit, a 1-UP logo flashing above his head. "Now I just need to restock…"

While Bandit was preparing more mushrooms, a Wiggler bus stopped nearby and dropped off Toadette. As usual, she was wearing a huge backpack and a headlight.

"What's going on over there?" she asked, spying Bandit's stand. She got closer just in time to see Bandit emerge with a pile of silver mushrooms. Upon seeing her, Bandit hissed and cringed.

"Um… Are you okay?" Toadette asked.

"Oh, sorry. That headlight made me think you were someone else… Anyway, might I interest you in some silver mushrooms?" Bandit asked.

"What are silver mushrooms?"

"They bring you good luck!"

"Never heard of 'em," said Toadette.

"Well, now you have! How's about buying one?"

"No thanks. I think I'm good."

"Come on, it's only five coins! You should love mushrooms, considering your head is literally a-"

"Why are you selling these things for five coins?" Toadette interrupted. "You'd think a silver mushroom would fetch a prettier penny than that."

"I'm just in a generous mood, is all," said Bandit.

Toadette raised her eyebrow.

"They're fake, aren't they?" she asked.

There was a pause.

"…You can't prove that," said Bandit.

Toadette sniffed the silver mushrooms.

"These smell like spray paint! You spray painted them!"

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did!"

"No, I didn't."

Toadette snatched a mushroom and hoisted it in the air.

"Hey, everyone! These silver mushrooms are fake! Watch!"

She poured a bottle of water onto the mushroom, but nothing happened. The townsfolk gave her confused looks.

"It's waterproof," Bandit whispered, a smug grin on his face. Toadette scowled.

"Everybody smell your mushrooms! It smells like spray paint!"

"I know! Isn't the scent divine?" said a Pianta. Toadette facepalmed.

"Madame, I'm afraid I must ask you to leave. You're causing quite a ruckus," said Bandit, waving her off.

"I'll show you a ruckus," she growled, stomping away.

"Come back when you're ready to do business!" Bandit laughed. "It feels great to finally be successful."

"Crystal mushrooms! Get your crystal mushrooms here! Real cheap!" a voice called.

"Wait… What?" Bandit asked. His jaw dropped when he saw Toadette sitting on a blanket, selling crystals shaped like mushrooms.

"How much for a crystal mushroom?" asked a Goomba.

"Only four coins. Real Cheep-Cheep."

"Sold!"

Bandit rushed into the scene.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" he said through clenched teeth.

"Selling my treasure. Duh."

"Why are you selling crystal mushrooms for such a low price?!"

"I found a whole mine full of them. There's more where these came from."

"You're stealing my customers!" Bandit griped.

"A Bandit complaining about theft? Now THAT'S funny!" Toadette teased.

"Whoa. Politically incorrect, much?"

"Hey, if you don't mind, I'm trying to do business here. Maybe you should be worrying about your own stand?"

"Oh, you just wait…"

Bandit stormed back to his stand and took out a megaphone.

"Attention, everyone! I am now selling my silver mushrooms for three coins! Get 'em while they're cheap!"

Everyone gathered around Bandit's stand.

"I'm dropping my prices, too! Get a crystal mushroom for two measly coins!" Toadette hollered, winning back the crowd.

"Why that little… One coin! It only takes one coin to get a silver mushroom!"

The crowd returned to Bandit.

"Come get some crystal mushrooms for FREE!"

Everyone stampeded to Toadette. Bandit steamed with rage.

"Hey, you!" he said, pointing at a passing Shy Guy. "How would you like a silver mushroom for -1 coin?"

"A negative coin? That doesn't make any-"

"Here you go!" Bandit said, shoving a mushroom and a coin into the Shy Guy's arms.

"Uh… Thanks, I guess…"

"Did you just pay him to a take a mushroom?" asked a Goomba.

"Yep! Would you like one, too? It only costs -1 coin!"

"Sure!"

A huge mob of customers started swarming around Bandit, quickly exhausting his stock.

"There! I've sold everything! What do you have to say to that, pigtails?" Bandit bragged.

"So how much money did you make?" Toadette asked.

Bandit reached into his pockets and found that they were empty. His eye twitched.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to buy a smoothie with the money I made," said Toadette as she crammed her stuff into her backpack. "Ta-ta!"

Bandit stood frozen in place as Toadette walked away.

* * *

><p><em>That night…<em>

Bandit hopped into Peach's castle through a window.

"Stealing is more fun, anyway," he said, landing in the foyer. "Now, the last castle I broke into had a treasure hoard in the basement, so I should probably check this basement, too."

Bandit went downstairs and searched the flooded hallways.

"Yeesh, it's so wet down here… The princess needs to put her boyfriend to use and get her plumbing fixed."

After he trudged through the water, he came across a big painting at the end of a hallway.

"Well, what do we have here?"

The painting had a golden frame, and depicted a white rabbit standing in a grassy field. In the background was a scary-looking mansion.

"This looks valuable!"

Bandit reached for the painting, but before he could touch it, the canvas started rippling as though it were liquid.

"What in the name of-?!"

A shadowy hand lashed out and seized Bandit, dragging him into the painting. Once the rippling ceased, an image of Bandit appeared next to the white rabbit.

**? ? ?  
><strong>


End file.
